I caught my son chewing electrical chords, so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
π︎ 47
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︎ Apr 07 2021
I saw a butterfly on the ground with no wings, so I poured Red Bull all over it.....And Bam !!!!
π︎ 8
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︎ May 02 2021
What sound does an aircraft make when it hits the ground?
π︎ 49
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Did you know you can only ran through a camp ground?
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 29 2021
[Credit to u/Vishalbharadwaj21] I have the high ground
π︎ 113
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︎ Feb 21 2021
If you see an email with ground pork and processed ham in the subject line, donβt open it...
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
π︎ 105
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Last time I flew my plane a Navy pilot checked his speed right after me. Ground said he was doing 761 mph.
Knot gonna lie I think he was mach-ing me.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 02 2021
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 25 2021
I started telling my grandkids about how I built my house from the ground up. They complained that thatβs the only story I ever told.
Well, children, this is a one-story house.
π︎ 26
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︎ Feb 09 2021
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside
π︎ 154
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︎ Nov 24 2020
2 drunk guys getting into a fight. One gets up and draws a line on the ground. He says "you cross this line and I'll punch you in the face".
That was the punchline...
π︎ 41
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︎ Feb 05 2021
What do you call it when you accidentally miss the exit for your camp ground?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 25 2021
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Let me tell you kids how I built this house from the ground up..
Kids: Not again Grandpa, we've heard that story a million times! Don't you have any others to tell us?!
Grandpa:
This is a one-story house.
Credit:
https://inkyrickshaw.com/comic/not-very-tall-tale/
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 10 2021
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....
βOfficer, the sign clearly says to βpet area.ββ
π︎ 82
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︎ Nov 24 2020
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 07 2021
The Theory of Plate Tectonics is on pretty shaky ground.
π︎ 16
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︎ Oct 30 2020
My wife dropped a tofurkey on the ground
I said it's now called a tofloorkey
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 26 2020
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Did you hear the news about the shovel? It's ground breaking. But the broom?
That really swept the nation.
π︎ 17
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︎ Nov 10 2020
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
π︎ 15k
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︎ Dec 06 2019
My brother dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water then designed a moving staircase that was powered by it.
That well escalated quickly!
π︎ 22
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Don't you think the shovel was a ground-breaking invention?
(I saw this in a youtube video by Mishkali titled "Attack on Titan Dad Jokes" I'm not sure if she made the joke herself, but credit goes to whoever did.)
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 11 2020
What did the ska band say when they threw their mic on the ground?
pickitup pickitup pickitup!
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 21 2020
There's a benefit concert for dolphin conservation at the camping grounds
It's for all in tents and porpoises
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
π︎ 48
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Ground coffee.
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 26 2020
I hired someone to dig a hole in the ground to get water...
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 26 2020
What do you call a hallway on the ground
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Today, I asked who left their cold-smoked herrings on the ground at the market but no one answered.
π︎ 19
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Ground coffee
π︎ 31
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︎ Jul 03 2020
A rare picture of ground in its natural habitat
π︎ 19
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Gulag was Putin the ground
π︎ 50
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︎ May 28 2020
I was cleaning the coffee filter and forgot to rinse the grounds down the sink.
My wife comes up and asks me why I forgot to clean the sink. I said βWhat? Am I grounded?β
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 19 2020
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
π︎ 30
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︎ Jun 04 2020
What lies on the ground 100ft in the air?
π︎ 403
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︎ Feb 01 2020
Can we stop circulating the same jokes over and over into the ground.
π︎ 34
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︎ Jun 02 2020
The old lady who lives next door keeps talking about a small deep-ground reservoir...
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Ground Coffee !
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Ground breaking inventions
π︎ 130
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︎ Jan 29 2020
What is the most ground breaking invention of all time?
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 29 2020
My son kept chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him..
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jul 06 2020
My son kept chewing on the electrical cords so I had to ground him...
Heβs doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jul 14 2020
My son kept chewing on electrical cords, so I had to ground him.
Heβs doing better currently, and conducting himself properly
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 05 2020
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