So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to βsquare up on the ballβ

She replied βthe ball is round daddyβ (with a straight face) So I tell her βno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!β

She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says βIβM REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!β Then throws it right back at me.

Proud dad moment.

π︎ 12k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Itsjorgehernandez
π︎ Jun 23
π¨︎ report
I poured root beer in a square glass, now I have only beer
π︎ 92
π¬︎
π€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
π︎ Jul 14
π¨︎ report
My girlfriend is the square root of - 100

She's a perfect 10, but completely imaginary

π︎ 38
π¬︎
π€︎ u/xtilexx
π︎ Aug 22
π¨︎ report
I poured root beer into a square glass

Now I just have beer

π︎ 38
π¬︎
π€︎ u/PIatinumP0tato
π︎ Jul 28
π¨︎ report
What animal is shaped like a square ?

A squarrel

π︎ 17
π¬︎
π︎ Jul 23
π¨︎ report
Like don't be such a square!
π︎ 26
π¬︎
π€︎ u/thk_
π︎ Jul 09
π¨︎ report
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?

Because of his contra band...

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/changhaobyu
π︎ Aug 15
π¨︎ report
I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.

It was unreal.

π︎ 19
π¬︎
π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Jun 25
π¨︎ report
A square-root
π︎ 85
π¬︎
π€︎ u/TheSlippyKnot
π︎ May 11
π¨︎ report
If I poured root beer into a square glass,

would I just have beer?

π︎ 889
π¬︎
π€︎ u/knopper91
π︎ Mar 29
π¨︎ report
A pun-net punnet square
π︎ 27
π¬︎
π€︎ u/pixl8er
π︎ Jun 03
π¨︎ report
What do you call 100 penguins in Trafalgar Square?

Lost, theyβre lost.

π︎ 8
π¬︎
π€︎ u/CallMeMrWhite
π︎ Jul 09
π¨︎ report
How did the circle know the square had nothing on him?

Because he said he had him cornered.

π︎ 31
π¬︎
π€︎ u/saltyquill
π︎ May 25
π¨︎ report
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?

Just beer i guess.

π︎ 73
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Eagle_Vision_13
π︎ Apr 27
π¨︎ report
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

π︎ 9k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/bot_10
π︎ Nov 15 2019
π¨︎ report
Dad: βSon, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.β

Son: βWow really? Can I come too?β

Dad: βFour shore!β

π︎ 11
π¬︎
π€︎ u/misplacedfreckles
π︎ Jun 18
π¨︎ report
Square root
π︎ 25
π¬︎
π€︎ u/marinthierry
π︎ Apr 19
π¨︎ report
Two rich dudes were hanging out in a bar. One said to the other, "Hey, you wanna come to my square island?"

The other responded "Four shore!"

π︎ 23
π¬︎
π€︎ u/RedBluemann
π︎ May 01
π¨︎ report
Be there or bean square
π︎ 14
π¬︎
π€︎ u/moolie-sheep
π︎ Apr 05
π¨︎ report
Square root? Or cube root?
π︎ 16
π¬︎
π€︎ u/madmoola
π︎ Jan 28
π¨︎ report
If I pour root beer into a square glass

Is it just regular beer?

π︎ 18
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Akbeardman
π︎ Apr 11
π¨︎ report
This Square Earth I found at a book store.
π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Greekboy69Z
π︎ Jan 03
π¨︎ report
When people say "be there or be square"...

It's because if you're not there, you're not around.

π︎ 18
π¬︎
π€︎ u/HalfCrazed
π︎ Mar 02
π¨︎ report
The teacher asked if anyone knew the square root of negative one...

So I shouted βIβ

π︎ 13
π¬︎
π€︎ u/MattAmpersand
π︎ Jan 08
π¨︎ report
Why was the circular structure built cheaper than the square?

Because they cut corners

π︎ 12
π¬︎
π€︎ u/I_smell_asshere
π︎ Jan 21
π¨︎ report
What do you call a square missing a side

An incomplete meal

π︎ 3
π¬︎
π€︎ u/epicboi6
π︎ Feb 22
π¨︎ report
What happens when you put a plant in a square?

It dies.

Why?
It loses its root

π︎ 21
π¬︎
π€︎ u/good_haircut
π︎ Dec 30 2019
π¨︎ report
Whatβs the square root of Orange Julius?

We donβt square roots here, we juice oranges. Get back to work!

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/LumpadBFarby
π︎ Feb 13
π¨︎ report
I pour my root beer into a square cup.

Now it's just beer.

π︎ 4k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/tanzaniteflame
π︎ Oct 03 2018
π¨︎ report
I really wish I had made a pun about how we celebrate New Years Eve in Times Square.

I really dropped the ball on that one.

π︎ 4
π¬︎
π€︎ u/ajd011394
π︎ Jan 01
π¨︎ report
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10, complex and negative half the time.

π︎ 4
π¬︎
π€︎ u/phantomPl0x
π︎ Nov 16 2019
π¨︎ report
Why is the circle more trustworthy than the square?

Because he doesnβt have an angle

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/boogerknows
π︎ Oct 24 2019
π¨︎ report
Do you know why the say "be there or be square?"

Because you're not around.

π︎ 526
π¬︎
π€︎ u/acanadianbloake
π︎ Apr 06 2019
π¨︎ report
I used to work at a square tyre factory...

It was a real bumpy ride.

π︎ 13
π¬︎
π€︎ u/TerrySlews
π︎ Oct 20 2019
π¨︎ report
An excited square is an erectangle
π︎ 37
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Pierre_39
π︎ Oct 24 2019
π¨︎ report
Finally found the square root
π︎ 6k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/pyk0th
π︎ Dec 28 2017
π¨︎ report
Why do square dances never seem to finish?

Because they are not well rounded

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Light447
π︎ Dec 07 2019
π¨︎ report
Whatβs red, square and bad for your teeth?

A really really fast brick

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/scottdereddit101
π︎ Nov 21 2019
π¨︎ report
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? Itβs because the cows werenβt getting a square meal.
π︎ 3
π¬︎
π€︎ u/ruchi565
π︎ Nov 16 2019
π¨︎ report
how does a square become a cube?

well first, they have to get an edge-ucation

π︎ 11
π¬︎
π€︎ u/blazinbluecolor
π︎ Oct 17 2019
π¨︎ report
Which state has the most streets per square mile?

It's Rhode Island.

π︎ 3
π¬︎
π€︎ u/arrenlex
π︎ Oct 22 2019
π¨︎ report
When it comes to learning Geometry, I am ok with triangles, squares, and rectangles.

But when it comes to two unconnected vertices, thatβs where I draw the line.

π︎ 12
π¬︎
π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Sep 21 2019
π¨︎ report
What happens when two squares get angry with each other?

They square up

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π︎ Jul 29 2019
π¨︎ report
I heard SEGA received an offer to collaborate with Square Enix for a new Sonic RPG, but turned them down

The workplace was a No-Fly Zone.

π︎ 3
π¬︎
π€︎ u/OrokinSkywalker
π︎ Oct 10 2019
π¨︎ report
The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this time.

π︎ 424
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Pun-isher42
π︎ Jan 01 2019
π¨︎ report
Square root
π︎ 50
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Oskar2907
π︎ Apr 15 2019
π¨︎ report
Son: Math sucks so much. My teacher wants me to find the square root of I Donβt Give a Crap.

Dad: Easy! Next time, just tell your teacher I Donβt Give Two Shits.

π︎ 5
π¬︎
π︎ Sep 11 2019
π¨︎ report
My parents always told me that if I watched too much TV then I would get square eyes?

But wouldn't that just make my vision sharper?

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Bend1010
π︎ Sep 01 2019
π¨︎ report
The amount of cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrots divided by the volume of the Mayo.

Thatβs Coleβs Law.

π︎ 67
π¬︎
π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Jun 16 2019
π¨︎ report
Went to see my doc to get small squares drawn all over me.

It was a check up.

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/TommehBoi
π︎ Aug 15 2019
π¨︎ report
Do you know where the expression, βbe there or be squareβ comes from?

If youβre not there, youβre not around.

π︎ 1k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/batmanjerkins
π︎ Feb 19 2018
π¨︎ report
Why do people say βbe there or be square?β Probably because you wonβt be βa roundβ
π︎ 38
π¬︎
π€︎ u/phantommop
π︎ Nov 09 2018
π¨︎ report
What do you call an aroused square?

An erectangle.

π︎ 11
π¬︎
π€︎ u/acdigital
π︎ Jul 14 2019
π¨︎ report
Son: Arenβt the pyramids really just squares?

Me: Yeah, but only up to a point

π︎ 33
π¬︎
π€︎ u/thetinggoskrraa
π︎ May 26 2019
π¨︎ report
Square roots
π︎ 33
π¬︎
π€︎ u/PratyThePotato
π︎ Sep 10 2018
π¨︎ report
Squares are just quadrilaterals that suffer from a rectangle dysfunction
π︎ 15
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Adam-P-D
π︎ Feb 18 2019
π¨︎ report
Square root
π︎ 39
π¬︎
π€︎ u/ItzYaBoi25
π︎ Sep 20 2018
π¨︎ report
I guess we can call the music in a segment of a popular Square Enix game...

Kingdom Hearts 3DM

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Clapton_Coil
π︎ Feb 08 2019
π¨︎ report
Teaching a 3 year-old the difference between a circle and square is pointless
π︎ 36
π¬︎
π︎ Apr 16 2019
π¨︎ report
Today, my son learned about square roots. I was so shocked that I could only say one word:

"Radical!"

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/3000LoveForYou
π︎ May 27 2019
π¨︎ report
The villagers gathered as the guards dragged the blacksmith through the town square.

One of the villagers turned and asked another, "what happened?"

She told him, "he's been arrested for forgery."

π︎ 7
π¬︎
π€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
π︎ May 25 2019
π¨︎ report
I poured my root beer into a square cup

Now itβs just beer

π︎ 17
π¬︎
π€︎ u/CountryHeart11
π︎ Apr 18 2019
π¨︎ report
How did the triangle kill the square?

With a hypote-noose!

π︎ 5
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Soosoos19926
π︎ Feb 05 2019
π¨︎ report
What a couple of squares
π︎ 12
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Pictionfulp329
π︎ Sep 18 2018
π¨︎ report
A couple is walking in St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve...

They feel some precipitation.

"I think it's raining" says the man.

"No, it's snowing" says the woman.

"Why don't we ask this communist officer?" Asks the man. "He's always right! Excuse me, officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining" he says, before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

π︎ 2k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/robcap
π︎ Nov 05 2016
π¨︎ report
Tried to quickly make a square but got an octogon.

I shouldn't have cut corners.

π︎ 13
π¬︎
π︎ Apr 29 2019
π¨︎ report
My wife said βYou canβt change the square-root of a negative.β

She said I couldnβt..... but i can.

π︎ 5
π¬︎
π€︎ u/doesitring
π︎ Apr 03 2019
π¨︎ report
What do you call a boombox in a town square?

A public speaker.

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/RedditingDino
π︎ Jun 09 2019
π¨︎ report
Square-dancing is a terribe way to get around.
π︎ 4
π¬︎
π€︎ u/shagminer
π︎ May 06 2019
π¨︎ report
π︎ 3
π¬︎
π︎ Jan 23 2019
π¨︎ report
What do you call a colorless flying square?

A plane figure

π︎ 5
π¬︎
π€︎ u/dabestnerd
π︎ Apr 10 2019
π¨︎ report
Square Roots
π︎ 24
π¬︎
π€︎ u/BigSmartSmart
π︎ Sep 10 2018
π¨︎ report
Neutering an animal makes it infertile. Making its hide into carpet squares makes it fur tile.
π︎ 8
π¬︎
π€︎ u/moothane
π︎ Nov 04 2018
π¨︎ report
I hear you won the award for most pubic louses per square centimeter

Dongrats bro!

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π︎ Jan 09 2019
π¨︎ report
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting. Pascal runs and hides, but Newton just draws a square and sit down. Einstein opens his eyes and exclaims, "Newton, I've found you!"

Newton replies, "No, you found Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"

π︎ 46
π¬︎
π€︎ u/LeifEriccson
π︎ Oct 17 2018
π¨︎ report
Where do squares go on vacation?

Cuba

π︎ 13
π¬︎
π€︎ u/troublehouse
π︎ Jan 20 2019
π¨︎ report
I'm not impressed with the people who organize the New Year's celebration in Times Square

They always drop the ball.

π︎ 14
π¬︎
π€︎ u/ThisGuy21321
π︎ Jan 01 2019
π¨︎ report
LPT: Want beer but are too young to buy it? Buy rootbeer and put it in a square glass. The square cancels out the root and all that's left is beer! reddit.com/r/ShittyLifePrβ¦
π︎ 17
π¬︎
π€︎ u/kcir_semirg
π︎ Jul 05 2018
π¨︎ report
A dear friend of mine passed away recently. He asked that we spread his cremated ashes in the big fountain in the town square.

He will be mist.

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π︎ Mar 08 2019
π¨︎ report
Be there or be square

Well, i'm not around

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/rostik307
π︎ Aug 31 2018
π¨︎ report
So 3 told 2 to square up...

4

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/PhoenixFire1204
π︎ Jan 22 2019
π¨︎ report
Be there or be square...

...because you won't be a-round.

π︎ 15
π¬︎
π€︎ u/oakendune
π︎ May 22 2018
π¨︎ report
Where do square riverbeds get their water from?

Box springs.

π︎ 20
π¬︎
π€︎ u/JazzboTN
π︎ Apr 16 2018
π¨︎ report
I hear there aren't enough bathrooms for the NYE celebration in Time Square.

They really dropped the ball on that one.

π︎ 4
π¬︎
π€︎ u/thepobv
π︎ Dec 31 2018
π¨︎ report
The giant Dumbo ad playing at Times Square on new year's eve said "Happy New Year"...

It should have said "Happy New Ear" instead.

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/NewWhirledOrder
π︎ Jan 01 2019
π¨︎ report
π︎ 217
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Newt24
π︎ Dec 16 2016
π¨︎ report
The worlds largest bounce house is now touring the U.S.A. At 10,000 square feet, the house is large enough to live in.

The rent is pretty expensive but that's mostly due to inflation.

π︎ 37
π¬︎
π€︎ u/masterof80smetal
π︎ Mar 23 2018
π¨︎ report
What do you get when you pour root beer in a square glass?

What do you get when you pour root beer in a square glass?

You get beer

π︎ 11
π¬︎
π€︎ u/drpresident1
π︎ Sep 19 2018
π¨︎ report
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10, but also imaginary

π︎ 931
π¬︎
π€︎ u/RoyTheShip
π︎ Nov 18 2018
π¨︎ report
Be there or be square

Because if you're not there, you're not around.

π︎ 7
π¬︎
π€︎ u/N0bahdy
π︎ Jun 07 2019
π¨︎ report
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?

Beer

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/MaximumPollution
π︎ Jun 15 2019
π¨︎ report
The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this year.

π︎ 3
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Pun-isher42
π︎ Jan 01 2019
π¨︎ report
What do you call 100 penguins in Trafalgar Square?

Lost.

π︎ 13
π¬︎
π€︎ u/TheBackstreetNet
π︎ Jan 05 2019
π¨︎ report

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