So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to β€œsquare up on the ball”

She replied β€œthe ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her β€œno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”

She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says β€œI’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsjorgehernandez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
I poured root beer in a square glass, now I have only beer
πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend is the square root of - 100

She's a perfect 10, but completely imaginary

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22
🚨︎ report
I poured root beer into a square glass

Now I just have beer

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PIatinumP0tato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
What animal is shaped like a square ?

A squarrel

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
Like don't be such a square!
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thk_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?

Because of his contra band...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.

It was unreal.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
A square-root
πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSlippyKnot
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
If I poured root beer into a square glass,

would I just have beer?

πŸ‘︎ 889
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/knopper91
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
A pun-net punnet square
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pixl8er
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call 100 penguins in Trafalgar Square?

Lost, they’re lost.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeMrWhite
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
How did the circle know the square had nothing on him?

Because he said he had him cornered.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saltyquill
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?

Just beer i guess.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagle_Vision_13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: β€œSon, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”

Son: β€œWow really? Can I come too?”

Dad: β€œFour shore!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/misplacedfreckles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
Square root
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marinthierry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Two rich dudes were hanging out in a bar. One said to the other, "Hey, you wanna come to my square island?"

The other responded "Four shore!"

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedBluemann
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Be there or bean square
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moolie-sheep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
Square root? Or cube root?
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madmoola
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
If I pour root beer into a square glass

Is it just regular beer?

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Akbeardman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
This Square Earth I found at a book store.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Greekboy69Z
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
When people say "be there or be square"...

It's because if you're not there, you're not around.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HalfCrazed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
The teacher asked if anyone knew the square root of negative one...

So I shouted β€œI”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAmpersand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Why was the circular structure built cheaper than the square?

Because they cut corners

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_smell_asshere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
What do you call a square missing a side

An incomplete meal

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epicboi6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
What happens when you put a plant in a square?

It dies.

Why?
It loses its root

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/good_haircut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the square root of Orange Julius?

We don’t square roots here, we juice oranges. Get back to work!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LumpadBFarby
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I pour my root beer into a square cup.

Now it's just beer.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tanzaniteflame
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I really wish I had made a pun about how we celebrate New Years Eve in Times Square.

I really dropped the ball on that one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10, complex and negative half the time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phantomPl0x
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the circle more trustworthy than the square?

Because he doesn’t have an angle

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why the say "be there or be square?"

Because you're not around.

πŸ‘︎ 526
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acanadianbloake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a square tyre factory...

It was a real bumpy ride.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TerrySlews
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
An excited square is an erectangle
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pierre_39
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Finally found the square root
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pyk0th
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do square dances never seem to finish?

Because they are not well rounded

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Light447
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s red, square and bad for your teeth?

A really really fast brick

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scottdereddit101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
how does a square become a cube?

well first, they have to get an edge-ucation

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinbluecolor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Which state has the most streets per square mile?

It's Rhode Island.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
When it comes to learning Geometry, I am ok with triangles, squares, and rectangles.

But when it comes to two unconnected vertices, that’s where I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when two squares get angry with each other?

They square up

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard SEGA received an offer to collaborate with Square Enix for a new Sonic RPG, but turned them down

The workplace was a No-Fly Zone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OrokinSkywalker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this time.

πŸ‘︎ 424
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Square root
πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oskar2907
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Math sucks so much. My teacher wants me to find the square root of I Don’t Give a Crap.

Dad: Easy! Next time, just tell your teacher I Don’t Give Two Shits.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My parents always told me that if I watched too much TV then I would get square eyes?

But wouldn't that just make my vision sharper?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bend1010
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The amount of cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrots divided by the volume of the Mayo.

That’s Cole’s Law.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to see my doc to get small squares drawn all over me.

It was a check up.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know where the expression, β€œbe there or be square” comes from?

If you’re not there, you’re not around.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/batmanjerkins
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do people say β€œbe there or be square?” Probably because you won’t be β€œa round”
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phantommop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an aroused square?

An erectangle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acdigital
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Aren’t the pyramids really just squares?

Me: Yeah, but only up to a point

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thetinggoskrraa
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Square roots
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PratyThePotato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Squares are just quadrilaterals that suffer from a rectangle dysfunction
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adam-P-D
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Square root
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzYaBoi25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I guess we can call the music in a segment of a popular Square Enix game...

Kingdom Hearts 3DM

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clapton_Coil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching a 3 year-old the difference between a circle and square is pointless
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son learned about square roots. I was so shocked that I could only say one word:

"Radical!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/3000LoveForYou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The villagers gathered as the guards dragged the blacksmith through the town square.

One of the villagers turned and asked another, "what happened?"

She told him, "he's been arrested for forgery."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I poured my root beer into a square cup

Now it’s just beer

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CountryHeart11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the triangle kill the square?

With a hypote-noose!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soosoos19926
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What a couple of squares
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pictionfulp329
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A couple is walking in St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve...

They feel some precipitation.

"I think it's raining" says the man.

"No, it's snowing" says the woman.

"Why don't we ask this communist officer?" Asks the man. "He's always right! Excuse me, officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining" he says, before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robcap
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Tried to quickly make a square but got an octogon.

I shouldn't have cut corners.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said β€œYou can’t change the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doesitring
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boombox in a town square?

A public speaker.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditingDino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Square-dancing is a terribe way to get around.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a colorless flying square?

A plane figure

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dabestnerd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Square Roots
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigSmartSmart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Neutering an animal makes it infertile. Making its hide into carpet squares makes it fur tile.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moothane
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I hear you won the award for most pubic louses per square centimeter

Dongrats bro!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting. Pascal runs and hides, but Newton just draws a square and sit down. Einstein opens his eyes and exclaims, "Newton, I've found you!"

Newton replies, "No, you found Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeifEriccson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do squares go on vacation?

Cuba

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troublehouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm not impressed with the people who organize the New Year's celebration in Times Square

They always drop the ball.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisGuy21321
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
LPT: Want beer but are too young to buy it? Buy rootbeer and put it in a square glass. The square cancels out the root and all that's left is beer! reddit.com/r/ShittyLifePr…
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kcir_semirg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A dear friend of mine passed away recently. He asked that we spread his cremated ashes in the big fountain in the town square.

He will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Be there or be square

Well, i'm not around

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rostik307
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
So 3 told 2 to square up...

4

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFire1204
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Be there or be square...

...because you won't be a-round.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oakendune
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do square riverbeds get their water from?

Box springs.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JazzboTN
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I hear there aren't enough bathrooms for the NYE celebration in Time Square.

They really dropped the ball on that one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepobv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
The giant Dumbo ad playing at Times Square on new year's eve said "Happy New Year"...

It should have said "Happy New Ear" instead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NewWhirledOrder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 217
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Newt24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2016
🚨︎ report
The worlds largest bounce house is now touring the U.S.A. At 10,000 square feet, the house is large enough to live in.

The rent is pretty expensive but that's mostly due to inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/masterof80smetal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you pour root beer in a square glass?

What do you get when you pour root beer in a square glass?

You get beer

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drpresident1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10, but also imaginary

πŸ‘︎ 931
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyTheShip
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Be there or be square

Because if you're not there, you're not around.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/N0bahdy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?

Beer

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximumPollution
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this year.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call 100 penguins in Trafalgar Square?

Lost.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBackstreetNet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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