I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 25 2021
My girlfriend is a square root of -100
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
π︎ 136
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
What is the square root of a cat?
π︎ 60
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
Square root (credit to u/fatfatlama)
π︎ 104
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.
Squares are raised to a second power.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
What do you call a horny square?
π︎ 91
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Square root
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
My Dad is hopelessly addicted to going to different hardware stores every weekend.
Every Saturday, I see him hitting new Loweβs.
π︎ 965
π
︎ May 25 2021
You should only use one square of toilet paper when you use the bathroom.
Thatβs all it takes to get it out from under your fingernails
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
Why did the statistician hesitate to apply the square root transformation to the data on annual hate crimes?
She didn't want bigotry to be normalized.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
What do you call 100 penguins in Trafalgar Square?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!
See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to βsquare up on the ballβ
She replied βthe ball is round daddyβ (with a straight face) So I tell her βno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!β
She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says βIβM REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!β Then throws it right back at me.
Proud dad moment.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
"Length times width times height. Pi times r-squared times h. Four-thirds times pi times r-cubed."
This really speaks volumes.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
Why is six afraid of seven?
7 was a well known 6 offender
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
We all have heard about "Why was 6 afraid of 7?"
Cz 7 8 9.
But why was 10 afraid?
Because he's in between 9 11
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 30 2021
Donald Trump should drop the ball in Times Square on New Years Eve
He certainly has plenty of experience
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
I don't know why people expect Time's Square to put on a decent New Year's Eve show.
They're always dropping the ball.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
If someone mails you a square can of meat, DON'T open it!
π︎ 257
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
I put my root beer in a square glass
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...
So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.
"What this, Ed?"
"A line?" the boy replied.
"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
I poured root beer in a square glass, now I have only beer
π︎ 87
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
A Bishop's Twitter Post
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 789
19 and 20 had a fight, 21
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 02 2021
What does the square root of 2 like to describe something awesome as?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Why is 6 afraid of 7? (The answer is not what you're thinking)
Not what you're thinking.
π︎ 330
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
A square-root
π︎ 89
π
︎ May 11 2020
Why was 4 afraid to ask out 5?
Because he was 2 squared.
π︎ 878
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
Scared af
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Why wonβt triangles go on dates with circles?
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Equine problems
2 girls are chatting, one isn't particularly bright and seems very deep in thought, the other asks what she's thinking about, the not so bright one says she has an issue,
"I have had a horse for years and my parents have just bought me a new one which is virtually identical to the first and I'm struggling to work out which one is which."
The friend suggested she try cutting the mane short on one horse making it easy to identify.
The friend is over the moon and rushes away to try the suggestion.
A few weeks pass and the friends meet up,
The friend and how she got on with the mane cutting trick.
"It was fine for the first couple of weeks but the mane grew back so I'm back to square one."
The friend thinks for a while and suggests cutting the hair on the tail short making identification simple.
Again the girl rushes off to try the suggestion.
A few weeks later they meet again with much the same story, this time the friend suggests measuring the horses height to see if one is taller than the other.
A few weeks later they meet up, the not so clever one is ecstatic and proceeds to tell her friend how it went.
"It was amazing and I hadn't noticed but the black horse was 2 hands taller than the white one".
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 30 2021
Why are City Morgues always square?
It's because of all of the coroners.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
Mrs. Dracula, from the living room: "Count Dracula!"
Count Dracula, from the basement:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
What animal is shaped like a square ?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day
π︎ 114
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81
π︎ 239
π
︎ May 22 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jun 01 2021
What do you call a horny square ?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
I put my root beer in a square glass
π︎ 42
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
Why do they say, be there or be square?
Because you're not around
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
If I poured root beer into a square glass,
π︎ 895
π
︎ Mar 29 2020
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
A perfect 10 but purely imaginary.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
My girlfriend is the square root of - 100
She's a perfect 10, but completely imaginary
π︎ 40
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
My girlfriend is like square root -100
A straight 10 but imaginary too
π︎ 44
π
︎ Sep 20 2020
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
π︎ 78
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
I poured root beer into a square glass
π︎ 40
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
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