2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadn’t cleaned the house all year
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.
You’re just getting a head of yourself.
What is the most honest type of pasta?
A very honest dad and his son accidentally wander into a strip club.
A prostitute goes to the dad, and he notices her coming his way. He quickly closes his son's eyes.
Son: Dad, what was that woman wearing?
Dad: Uhh, nothing.
The other day I met a whale who insists he’s the most honest mammal in the world.
But I don’t know... I still say there’s something fishy about him.
My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"
"Yes." she replied.
"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"
She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
Survey found doctors aren't always honest with their patients. I could have told you that
They always seem to keep a skeleton in their closet
i don't download films illegally because i am honest and hardworking person.
What's the most honest girl's name?
The ghost in my house is always honest when admitting to making a mess
You could say they are very transparent.
To be honest the queen of England is old
She must drink imortali-tea
Well, to be honest
I'd have to change my name
Not a huge fan, to be honest.
Overheard heard from an honest to goodness dad in the airport: Oh no, I ripped my sock...
I always thought our next door neighbor was a good and honest photographer. Then he got arrested...
I guess we all assumed that he was "framed".
I decided to quit my job and become a museum curator, but to be honest
I'm just doing it for the Monet
I would want my nickel back to be honest
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
What’s an honest person’s least favorite instrument?
What do you call an honest man from Indonesia?
To be quite honest, I'm not liking this sub at all...
I should have gone to Wendy's instead.
I’m adopted, and I’m glad that my parents were honest enough to tell me.
My honest timepiece denies I was listening to Bruno Mars' "Uptown Funk"
Don't believe me, just watch?
To be honest, this doesn't really impresley me
To be honest, I think everybody should use kilograms.
A system of ten makes weigh more sense.
Three honest politicians walk into a bar...
If I'm honest I could never be a politician.
How do you ask Frank Sinatra to be honest?
Tell him to be himself, that's all.
I work in a liquor store and got owned by an old guy who I thought had an honest question...
"How do they make Budweiser?"
"Well, Budweiser is made partly from rice and uses forced carbonation, whereas most craft beer is made from barley and the carbonation comes from bottle conditioning."
"No. They send him to school."
I haven't done an honest day's work in years.
Don't tell my boss I said that.
My son's joke, wants honest opinions on it
What do you get after you eat all the potatoes?
(He starts laughing so hard before he can say the punch line)
ALL the potatoes are gone.
My close friend lied to me. I asked, "Just how honest are you?"
"I'm exactly dis honest," he said.
The scuba diving boxer was an honest man
even when bribed he refused to take a dive.
I realy like the Razer phone but to be honest
When giving blood, always be honest....
My Dad and I went to donate for the Red Cross. They gave us the paperwork to fill out, and were getting ready to start collecting the blood.
The nurse asked a few of the last minute, "Must repeat this:" questions, and asked my Dad, "Have you ever paid anyone for sex."
Dad replied, "What do you think marriage is?"
The nurse laughed so hard, she had to get someone else put the IV in his arm.
My sniper instructor is brutally honest
They finally created the first honest drug
What did the overly honest werewolf say to the good looking woman at the bar?
Hey Baby. I'm a-lookin' and I'm a Lycan.
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