Polish?
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Copper2245
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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My uncle was a ventriloquist dummy. He died drinking furniture polish.

It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.

Heard this one on Whose Line last night. Credit to Ryan Stiles.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosk915
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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What happens if you eat yeast and show polish?
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myvolunteerbag
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
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A polish man walks into a police station.

Polish man: help me! Help me! My wife is trying to kill me!

Police man: calm down sir, do you have any evidence that your wife is trying to kill you?

Polish man: Yes! I opened our medicine cabinet and found Polish Remover!

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
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I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer

And a Czech one, too.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonycocacola
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
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had a Polish friend who was a sound guy.

I had a Czech one, too. A Czech one, too.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/netpastor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
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I have a Polish friend who's a sound technician.

And a Czech one two, Czech one two.

I know you all think this joke is a repost, but I thought adding this line might be Prague-ress.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconShrimpEyes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
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If you are 10% Polish...

does that make you a tad pole?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said

This is my thyme to shine

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nilaky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band. And I have a Czech one too. Czech one too.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATX_Stig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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During the Polish-Swedish war, Sweden conquered the city of Bydgoszcz and renamed it as Bromberg.

Bromberg later became part of the Kingdom of Prussia, changed hands a few more times (including a short period of Napoleonic rule), before it finally became Polish again after World War I. The Polish government reinstated the old name of the city, deciding to let Bydgoszcz be Bydgoszcz.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jolindbe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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Polish Polish
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Owenn04
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Whenever a Polish person dances...

wouldn't it technically be Pole dancing?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Why do the Polish bury Germans 12 feet under ground?

Because really deep down they're good people.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lespinoza
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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What do the sun and nail polish remover have in common?

They can both make your acetone darker...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MusicmanJosh03
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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What do you call a short Polish person?

A Tadpole

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ju5t-0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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If you wrote down the names of all the works by a 19th century Polish composer...

...you'd have a Chopin List.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubonis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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How come when women use chemicals to remove polish no one bats an eye

But when hitler does it the whole world is against him?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WattoNUFC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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What do you call a pale Polish man?

A lightpole

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallout3boi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer...

I have a Czech one too...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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I spilled polish remover on a globe

Now there’s a hole in Europe.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/showerdrinking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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Best Polish Removers
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GNOEJOH
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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I have a Polish friend who’s a sound technician

Oh, and a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okbutt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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Did you hear about the polish guy who thought is wife was trying to kill because he found β€œpolish remover” in the house ...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juicymember
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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What do you use to make a Polish person leave?

Shoe Polish...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adfh1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Has anyone heard of the famous polish nutcracker?

Its really great to krakowpen nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manafali033
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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My Polish girlfriend thought I was trying to kill her...

She found a bottle of polish remover

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/username-2v
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I got this Polish beer, its not great, its not bad, its just
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8000angrybees
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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My dad has a Polish friend who is a roadie

He also has a Czech one too, one too.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plankyman
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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I tried to enjoy the other 33.3% of my life, but you can't polish a third.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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Nail Polish
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryotaiku
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a drivers license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with letters "C Z W I X N O S T A C Z" Optician: "Can you read this?" "Read it?" the Polish man replied, "I know the guy!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vongolaguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
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I asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.

She always wanted a night in, shining armour.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyNuggets
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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I figured out why all Polish bankers can jump so high

They're all Pole vaulters.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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What if Santa is really from northern Poland, and people just got confused when he said he was North Polish?

Tried this in /r/Showerthoughts but it didn't go over well...maybe too much of a pun?

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
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i use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye.

he uses chemicals to remove polish and he's literally hitler.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2016
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So I signed up for an orienteering course in a Polish resort...

It was in a dense forest, and the instructor was waiting for me when I arrived. I pulled out my compass, but he laughed and shook his head. "That won't work here, you know," he said, pointing at my compass. "What do you mean?" I asked, "This is an orienteering course, isn't it?" "Ja, it is an orienteering course, but you can a compass not use." I was very puzzled at this point, and I questioned, "Why?" "There are too many Poles."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rockybond
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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7 yr old daughter dropped this when I held up her 2 ice cream cone shaped nail polish bottles to my eyes

Me: "hi I'm jimmy ice cream eyes" Her: "hi Jimmy, you're looking sharp today.." As she walked away.

It's like she doesn't even have to try

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legomason
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
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Once a man drank a bottle of furniture polish. It was a sad end but a great finish.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spooferman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
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I don't really like my Polish roommate

He's a bit of a Slav

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dorkknight529
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2015
🚨︎ report
Polish Your English

Work email sent out with a seminar to "Polish your English".

Coworker turns as says "Why would I want to Pole-ish my English?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KickapooPonies
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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It's the birthday of my Polish speaking father-in-law

Seconds away from seeing him I thought to ask how to say Happy Birthday, she just said it's complicated.

Dad: DzieΕ„ dobry

Her: Wszystkiego Najlepszego Z Okazji Urodzin!

Me: It's Complicated!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatherSquee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer.

I have a Czech one, too

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band. And I have a Czech one too. Czech one too.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATX_Stig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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I have a polish friend who is a sound engineer. and a Czech one too, Czech one too, Czech one too
πŸ‘︎ 328
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBreadSkeleton
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer.

I have a Czech one too.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer.

I have a Czech one too, a Czech one too.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Donnakebabmeat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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I have a polish friend who is a sound technician.

Oh, and a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/popoiied
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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