The doctors called it eyeLEDs
They have an irideSCENT
(To my cousin)
Me: Who are you dating now?
Uncle: I told him not to date a car, They're too high maintenance.
Because all my blood is rushing downstairs.
They were releaved.
Rüdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "Rüdoff det røde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, Rüdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but Rüdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
Rüdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...
So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.
The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only cha
I would walk into every room while giving tours with my arms outstretched, head tilted slightly upwards, eyes shining, just admiring the beauty of the space and then spin around slowly and proudly state, "And this? THIS is where the magic happens!"
Cause you're Shining.
That shit was bananas.
You rise and shine every morning.
[cue confused looks]
"Because, today is a draggin'!" (dragon)
[cue "I hate you" looks and/or painful eye-roll]
I call it Veriz'n shine..
I make hey while the sun shines.
All I wanted was one night stand.
This week’s dumb joke:
My wife and I were out for a walk, and we walked through a cool patch of air right by a field.
“It’s weird how it’s always cooler right there,” she said.
“Yeah,” I said, “I guess it’s because the sun never shines here. I wonder if they get a lot of dumping in this field?”
“Isn’t this where they stick everything?” I deadpanned.
She laughed. You don’t have to.
Now I can play some hard rock.
Right away, I took a shine to her!
We were approaching a runner who was running towards us and right as he passed by, both of us thought he smelled strongly of marijuana. My dad said, "He must be on a runner's high."
I was very proud at that moment.
Now it's my time to shine.
After his baseball game, we picked up some take-out food for the family. Driving home and now dark, he and I see three people walking along the shoulder of our street, all wearing dark clothes. I almost hit one of them. I say, shaking my head, "Look at these idiots, wearing dark clothes at night...someone's gonna get run over."
He replies, from the back seat, "Yeah...they're not too bright."
It's my son-shine
This is my thyme to shine
I don't know, there is no pun-shine.
I've been throwing out some popcorn and sometimes bread crumbs instead of composting it. They like it. And I like them. They'll CAW at me sometimes when I get in the car.
I've heard that Crows....when they like you...they'll leave little gifts for you on your door step. Shining things, like bits of foil, bottle caps, buttons...etc.
And while it's not explicitly stated...they do expect something in return.
It's Quid Pro Crow.
But now, it’s my time to shine.