Got the death glare followed by a laugh from the gf.

Girlfriend told me her ear was ringing..

I told her to answer it.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAngryGuy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2015
🚨︎ report
I almost felt my wife's death glare through the phone.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sylgamesh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Was awarded a glare from my wife this morning

When making her morning coffee, she was telling me all about this new vanilla creamer in a foaming spray can she bought last night. I quickly identified my prey and pounced.


"Well... when you try it, I hope you like it a latte."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Paul_Cinnabunyan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
My roommate gave me the death glare

Her: He was trying to freak out his mom; she had a cow.

Me: What did she name it?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pooga
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
🚨︎ report
She just glares at me every time

Whenever my SO has something in her eye and she's trying to get it out

Her: Can you see if there's anything in my eye?

Me: Yeah, it looks like a finger.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/OhSchistGneiss
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2014
🚨︎ report
β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

πŸ‘︎ 785
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: β€œWhich pot should I use for spaghetti?”

Me: β€œThe right one” Wife: Evil Glare Me: β€œThe wrong one?” Wife: Eviler Glare Me: Walks out of room

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/jangooni
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8-year old ran past me and I shouted to her: "Hey, you lost something!"

She stops and ask "What?"

- "Your speed!"

She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"

- "What?"

- "Your hair!"


True story.

πŸ‘︎ 297
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaploiff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into an Apple store and farted. Everyone started glaring at me.

I said, "What? It's not my fault you don't have Windows!"

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ‘€︎ u/MoulikRT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My 7 year old proudly said dad I double knotted my shoe.

I said, "You did not." She glares at me, "Yes I did." Me, "You did knot." She grudgingly accepts reality and stomps away, head shaking.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When I came home today my wife had some Little Debbie Zerbra Cakes on the counter. I pick one up and say "A Zebra Cake?"

"Don't mind if I Zoo."

She just gave me a glare and went back to what she was doing.

Totally worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ‘€︎ u/wene324
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom and her son

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers, "Yes."

After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
"Can I have a glass of water?" asked the young student.

The teacher placed her hands on her hips, glaring at him, and said "May I!".

The kid smiles. "I was gonna get it myself, but sure, that'd be great!".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Findrel_Underbakk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: Our baby shower is in one week and I have no idea what to wear! What should I wear?!?!

Me: Probably a bathing suit.

Wife: ...? *Glares

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Just lion around
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boxxe687
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
good movies

Wife: The movie was good, it made me cry

few days later we watch John Wick.

Me: What did you think of the move

Wife: it was really good

Me: So you really cried?

Wife: ..... (glare)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/crypticsage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend was looking at smart watches online

So I asked if he found any worth his time.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissKross94
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I went into a Roman bar and asked for a Martinus.

The bartender said, β€œdon’t you mean a Martini?” I glared at him and said, β€œI only want one!”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Airbender, Waterbender...

The girlfriend and I were in the car yesterday with her two young kids in the backseat. They were talking about what sort of "bender" they wanted to be.

Girl: "I would be an airbender!"

Boy: "I'm a waterbender."

Just then a truck passes us, driving a bit wildly.

Me: "That guy wants to be a fenderbender."

Cue evil glare from girlfriend.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/tomwithweather
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
🚨︎ report
I've legitimately practiced for this one. I'm so glad I was prepared when it happened.

I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.

Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.

Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?

Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.

The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!

Thank you guys, I was prepared.

Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).

Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.

Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Number One

Friend 1: I love that song!

Friend 2: Yeah it’s a bop.

Me: Yeah i heard that it was number one at the BOPS office.

Both friends: glares of pure hatred

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/mck12001
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A baguette in the butt is a pain in the ass.

Pain is the word for bread in French. I posted this to r/Showerthoughts which did not go over well

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ‘€︎ u/forcemon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Made my dad proud with this one!

Mother and I were talking about a trip I have been packing for, and she asks me a specific question while at the table eating breakfast.

Mom: "Do you have a car charger for the van?"

Me: "Mom, we don't charge the van. It runs on gas."

Mom: glares

Dad: chokes on eggs

Edit: Wow. Didn't think this was that funny! Thanks guys for all the glorious upvotes :D

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatanUnusualname
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Tried a Dad Joke on my backfired.

I walk into his house and he yells, gruffly, "What are you up to?". Seizing my opportunity, I quip back "Ohh about 6 foot 4.". He glares at me for 5 solid seconds and says dryly, "I didn't know they could stack shit that high!". Uncontrollable laughter for the next 5 minutes from him.

RIP Old Man

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
My name is Joe and I forgot something important. My girlfriend yells, "Jesus, Joseph!"...

...I reply, "You forgot Mary."

πŸ‘︎ 222
πŸ‘€︎ u/oARCHONo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Asked my boss how her morning was going.

Me: Hey boss how's the morning going?

Boss: Good except I just dropped coffee all over the floor.

Me: You know, that's not why they're called coffee grounds.

Boss: Glaring Intensifies

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/paisano66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my pregnant wife

My wife is going to see a nutritionist to see how her diet can affect the fetus. As she was heading out the door, I said, "Hope your appointment is fruitful!"

She glared as she closed the door.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/guywithatie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was cooking while I was playing video games

I asked her to run to the store for me, she glared and said "I'm a little busy."

To which I replied "I don't know, looks like you have some thyme on your hands to me."

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThreeHumpChump
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My 7 year old just made me so proud

My wife: can you call my phone? I can't find it


And now I'm sitting here with a huge grin while my wife is glaring at me

πŸ‘︎ 670
πŸ‘€︎ u/strider820
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Pulled this one out on my husband

So last night, I decided to treat my husband to a big dinner. He piles food on his plate and begins to eat. A while later I heard him sigh out in contentment. So I proceeded to ask...

Me: Was it good?

Him: Yeah, I ate my whole plate and now I'm stuffed.

Me: Well you could've left the plate. I didn't look too tasty to me.

I got glared at.

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ‘€︎ u/sippycupsippycup
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
🚨︎ report
An accident it was.

Doing this on mobile, so we'll see how it goes.

My son playing with a toy lightsaber:

Son: dad I can't get the saber to open up! Me: have you tried using more force?

Wife: (glaring at me) really? More force?

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ‘€︎ u/CowodiByNature
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
🚨︎ report
When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups... (Long Pun)

When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups. There was a brand identity project for a new company, and I was in charge of typography, but those two disagreed with my choice of font.

The first one was this stony-looking Peruvian-American man named Esteban Ferrero, but since that's Spanish for Steven Smith, and our company had a rule that everyone has to call each other using nicknames instead of last names, everyone, including himself, just called him Steve. The second one was a Dutch woman with a sharp glare named Evelien van der Berg. She was famous for giving designers a hard time convincing her that their design choices work better than hers. In accordance with the company rules, we called her Eve.

Anyway, I showed Steve my first draft, and he wasn't convinced that I chose LinoLetter as the main font, and told me that I should use a sans-serif font. But I stood by my position that serifs add legibility to printed and digital material, that it fits the company's identity as an organic store, and that it is hard to stand out with a sans-serif. It took a lot of debate, but in the end, Steve was convinced that LinoLetter was acceptable.

A few days later, I showed Eve a more elaborated version, as for the sizes and styles of the font, and the pairing of LinoLetter with Century as the headline font. She insisted that I should have used a sans-serif font for the headline. I expressed my view that LinoLetter is a font with composed and legible shape, and Century, while it is also legible, has flair at larger sizes. She kept disagreeing with me, saying I should use something bolder and more contrasting, like Tungsten. It felt like hours had passed before the conversation went anywhere, so I had to give up and look for a sans-serif font that goes with LinoLetter.

So it goes to show that the one who gave me a hard time was adamant Eve, not adamant Steve.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was looking at apartments on her phone...

she finds one that she likes and says "look this one comes with a free gym" to which I respond "Do you have to provide him with a bed and food?" Silence. Glares and silence.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ‘€︎ u/j21martin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my teacher girlfriend last night

She was preparing to teach a unit on light, and asked me to look something up in the manual for her. As she handed me the book,

Her: "This is the light teacher's manual."

Me: "Feels pretty heavy to me."


Her: "You're not funny."

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Came out to my girlfriend today...

She was buying tickets to a show, and the theater is separated into two sections.

Her: "Do you want to sit in the upper or lower section?"

Me: "Top or bottom. It doesn't matter, I'm bi-sectional."

I got a good glare, and a sense that I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ‘€︎ u/slippernator
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife has a problem saying "No" to people...

One of her friends was giving her a mini-lecture about her inability to tell people no, and then gave her the caveat, "But you really need to choose your 'no's'..."

Me: "But of course, rhinoplasty is pretty pricey!"

Both of them: glare

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/pastorjeff2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend today while browsing Netflix

Girlfriend: "Hey shcarneacarn, this October should be a scary movie marathon! Help me catch up on all the scary movies I've missed?"

Me: "Only if I can mustard up the courage!"

The glare that ensued afterwards was almost too satisfying.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/shcarneacarn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
🚨︎ report
My oldest son went into the kitchen to get a drink...

From the living room, I hear him ask "is the dishwasher clean?" I answer "yes". I hear the refrigerator open, then add "but the dishes in it aren't".

I'm pretty sure that I could feel his glare through the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2016
🚨︎ report
I caught my Dad checking some chick out as he was driving

So it's my dad and i, sitting the the car, he was driving and i was in the passenger seat. All of a sudden he seemed to slow down a little as if he was giving way to someone turning in. however there where no cars, and i could see him glaring out of the window at what seemed to be the nicest pair of jugs id ever seen. anyway i got pretty pissed and asked him what the hell he is doing? to which he replied : "Its ok to look at the menu, As long as you eat at home son"... i laughed so hard at this, and i'm pretty sure he wanted to make it obvious to "teach me some sort of lesson".

anyway thats my little bit of humor, not that anyone will probably care !

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bioleague
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
🚨︎ report
So maybe... don't.... try this one at home.

Wife: Can you tell me I'm pretty please?

Me: You're pretty please.

Wife: death glare

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillaacid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my fiancΓ©e last night...

As she was doing her makeup in the car, she was looking around for something she lost.

Me: Did you lose your eyelash brush?

Her: Eyelash brush? That's not a thing.

Me: Sorry, eyelash comb.

Her: No! That's not a thing either!

Me: Hey now, there's no reason to lash out at me...

Her: glares

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Talking to my co-worker about Indian food....

Me: I can't believe you don't like Indian food! I love the bread it's so good!

Co-worker: I don't really like bread so...

Me: So ... I guess that means you are naan a fan

Co-worker proceeds to give me intense glare

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/Decakebaker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
🚨︎ report
So my daughter is signing up for band.

"I want to play the clarinet very badly!"

"Why not pay attention so you can play well?"


πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend was talking about Indian food

And she goes: "Rice is an integral ingredient in Indian cuisine"

So I answered "You really wouldn't wanna derive from it then, eh?"

The glare she gave me afterwards was priceless :)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saphira294
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me how my run was

I answered "Where time travelers get tripped up when telling stories"

blank stare

"In tense"


πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/BearyGranny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.