What do you call a chicken that stares at lettuce?
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Why shouldn't you stare at the Sun?
Because you'll get Corona Iris.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
What do you call a geologist who stares at rocks all day?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?
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︎ Jan 01 2021
That googly eyed stare.....[OC]
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Why did the banana always stare at his reflection?
Because he thought he was very apPEELing
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Why shouldn't you stare at hurricanes for too long?
You'll get lost in their eyes.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Since it started raining my wife just stares sadly through the stupid window β¦
If it gets any worse, I guess Iβll have to let her in.
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︎ Jun 15 2020
No! "stairs" not "stares"
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︎ May 17 2020
*stares with confusing concern*
Her: what?
Me: ... What IS that?!
Her: what's what?
Me: there's someone on the side of your face...
Her: "what? Oh god, where" proceeds to try to wipe face
Me: right there! .. oh, it's just your ear!
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︎ Sep 22 2020
**Cowboy stares at something wrong**
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︎ Apr 05 2020
Don't ever stare at a woman's hip for too long son
It's just a waist of time
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Stare at this picture and watch me make this knot disappear.
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︎ Apr 11 2018
LPT: If you have trouble remembering your password, find a picture of some running shoes and stare at it.
maybe it'll help jog your memory.
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︎ May 01 2019
Donβt stare at a glass of water.
Take a pitcher itβll last longer.
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︎ Aug 19 2019
Iβm exhausted! When I get home from work Iβm just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.
This eveningβs definitely looking up
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︎ Nov 06 2019
A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time to make her uncomfortable.
The bartender says, βTake a pitcher. Itβll last longer.β
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︎ May 06 2018
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...
The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"
"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
"Do you have a brother?"
"No."
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
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︎ Oct 03 2019
Every dad at some point. Wife: Donβt let me forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Me: Donβt forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Wife: Killer death stare
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︎ Oct 28 2018
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?
Because it said βconcentrateβ
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︎ Jul 18 2019
Son: Dad, every time a woman walks by you stare at her butt. What's wrong with you?
Me: Nothing, my hindsight is 20/20
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︎ Aug 30 2018
Sometimes I just stare at an egg and be happy that it doesn't have to move for survival !
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︎ Nov 01 2018
Last night I was finishing up pressure washing my driveway and one neighbor dad drove by and said βlookinβ good, great practice for when you do mine this weekendβ, and then turned to his wife in the passenger seat laughing hysterically as she looked at him with a blank stare.
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︎ Oct 13 2018
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
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︎ Dec 15 2018
Bored at church, I took off my shoes and started to stare intensely at them.
Wife: What on earth are you doing?
Me: I think Iβve some problems with my inner sole.
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︎ Apr 21 2018
I'm gonna stare at the wall for a while
It's been a while since I've played any bored games.
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︎ Jul 02 2018
πKnot seeing the forrest for the trees... πHardwood stare...
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︎ Mar 31 2017
Ever since it started snowing, my girlfriend just stands by the window and stares...
If it gets any worse out there Iβll have to let her back in the house.
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︎ Oct 16 2018
When someone says βhave a nice dayβ, stare at them and say, βdonβt tell me what to doβ!
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︎ Sep 06 2018
I can cut wood in half with a mere stare...
It's true! I saw it with my own eyes!
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︎ Nov 13 2017
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...
I have half a mind to tell em where to go.
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︎ Jan 07 2019
My GF could not stare at me hard enough after this one.
Her: my watch-tan is so bad!
Me: yeah, you know why?
Her: why?
Me: because your melanin got a-wrist-ed!
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︎ Jun 02 2018
My neighbour built a patio on his flat roof and now he sits and stares at us in our garden.
Heβs a total terraceist.
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︎ Oct 19 2018
Why did the chimpanzee stare dreamily at the clergyman visiting the zoo?
She was thinking: "That Monk, He's a Prime Mate."
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︎ Oct 13 2018
Every full moon, my son goes outside and stares up at it for hours on end.
I know it's just a phase.
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︎ Jan 14 2018
What's the search engine of choice for finding pictures of attractive people to stare at?
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︎ Sep 21 2018
I asked the gentleman at the UPS store what his record was. He gave me a blank stare.
It seemed a reasonable question, him being a professional boxer and all.
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︎ Sep 17 2014
It's only natural that us adults stare at our phones all the time...
because as babies, we were taught to stare at the mobiles above our cribs.
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︎ Dec 08 2016
What are Care Bear Stares made of?
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︎ Jan 11 2016
Dont stare directly at the sun during the eclipse
You'll make it feel uncomfortable
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︎ Aug 21 2017
Got a silent stare from my wife with this one
I grabbed some pulled pork out of the fridge to make a sandwich, and my wife says: "That's disgusting! That pork is over a week old"
I said: "I thought you loved Jurassic Pork"
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︎ Apr 17 2016
The teacher gave me a scary death stare
So in our chemistry class today we were taking bonding ; this popped up in my head so I said it outloud
"My name is bond, Carbon Bond"
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︎ Nov 05 2014
My dad tends to stare (as they do) when I ask him what he's looking at he has two standard responses:
"Puzzle with a nose in it"
or
"I dunno, the label fell off"
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︎ Oct 15 2013
Got the death stare for this one
My wife: "Could you put this up for me?" (tosses me a bag of candy)
Me: "Sure thing." (lift and hold bag above my head)
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︎ Jan 06 2014
Why did the blonde girl stare at the can of orange juice?
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︎ Mar 08 2019
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