Why shouldn't you stare at the Sun?

Because you'll get Corona Iris.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abydocomistdad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a geologist who stares at rocks all day?

A stoner.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?

Aurora Borealis

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
That googly eyed stare.....[OC]
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Havingreadthebook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the banana always stare at his reflection?

Because he thought he was very apPEELing

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you stare at hurricanes for too long?

You'll get lost in their eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Since it started raining my wife just stares sadly through the stupid window …

If it gets any worse, I guess I’ll have to let her in.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
*stares with confusing concern*

Her: what?

Me: ... What IS that?!

Her: what's what?

Me: there's someone on the side of your face...

Her: "what? Oh god, where" proceeds to try to wipe face

Me: right there! .. oh, it's just your ear!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
No! "stairs" not "stares"
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Furrklww
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
**Cowboy stares at something wrong**
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TSUplayer74
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't ever stare at a woman's hip for too long son

It's just a waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrExusemeQDLF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Stare at this picture and watch me make this knot disappear.
πŸ‘︎ 763
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JT078
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you have trouble remembering your password, find a picture of some running shoes and stare at it.

maybe it'll help jog your memory.

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t stare at a glass of water.

Take a pitcher it’ll last longer.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m exhausted! When I get home from work I’m just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.

This evening’s definitely looking up

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BD_4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time to make her uncomfortable.

The bartender says, β€œTake a pitcher. It’ll last longer.”

πŸ‘︎ 538
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Every dad at some point. Wife: Don’t let me forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Me: Don’t forget to put clothes in the dryer in an hour. Wife: Killer death stare
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?

Because it said β€œconcentrate”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schneckesweets
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, every time a woman walks by you stare at her butt. What's wrong with you?

Me: Nothing, my hindsight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctr1989
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I just stare at an egg and be happy that it doesn't have to move for survival !

Isn't that egg-static?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad378
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Last night I was finishing up pressure washing my driveway and one neighbor dad drove by and said β€œlookin’ good, great practice for when you do mine this weekend”, and then turned to his wife in the passenger seat laughing hysterically as she looked at him with a blank stare.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheptown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

Because it said, Focus

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sackeridaiquiri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Bored at church, I took off my shoes and started to stare intensely at them.

Wife: What on earth are you doing?

Me: I think I’ve some problems with my inner sole.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna stare at the wall for a while

It's been a while since I've played any bored games.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
😎Knot seeing the forrest for the trees... πŸ™„Hardwood stare...
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Ever since it started snowing, my girlfriend just stands by the window and stares...

If it gets any worse out there I’ll have to let her back in the house.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeeJaySmall
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
When someone says β€œhave a nice day”, stare at them and say, β€œdon’t tell me what to do”!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andreamayweather
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I can cut wood in half with a mere stare...

It's true! I saw it with my own eyes!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Proasek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...

I have half a mind to tell em where to go.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My GF could not stare at me hard enough after this one.

Her: my watch-tan is so bad!
Me: yeah, you know why?
Her: why?
Me: because your melanin got a-wrist-ed!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soviet_Broski
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbour built a patio on his flat roof and now he sits and stares at us in our garden.

He’s a total terraceist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_am_smartypants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the chimpanzee stare dreamily at the clergyman visiting the zoo?

She was thinking: "That Monk, He's a Prime Mate."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eleventhearlofmar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Every full moon, my son goes outside and stares up at it for hours on end.

I know it's just a phase.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the search engine of choice for finding pictures of attractive people to stare at?

Go ogle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borgenhaust
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked the gentleman at the UPS store what his record was. He gave me a blank stare.

It seemed a reasonable question, him being a professional boxer and all.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2014
🚨︎ report
It's only natural that us adults stare at our phones all the time...

because as babies, we were taught to stare at the mobiles above our cribs.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
🚨︎ report
What are Care Bear Stares made of?

Hugs Boson Particles.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metal5050
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Dont stare directly at the sun during the eclipse

You'll make it feel uncomfortable

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deez_treez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Got a silent stare from my wife with this one

I grabbed some pulled pork out of the fridge to make a sandwich, and my wife says: "That's disgusting! That pork is over a week old"

I said: "I thought you loved Jurassic Pork"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimmy__Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2016
🚨︎ report
The teacher gave me a scary death stare

So in our chemistry class today we were taking bonding ; this popped up in my head so I said it outloud "My name is bond, Carbon Bond"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kakabroly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad tends to stare (as they do) when I ask him what he's looking at he has two standard responses:

"Puzzle with a nose in it" or "I dunno, the label fell off"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Got the death stare for this one

My wife: "Could you put this up for me?" (tosses me a bag of candy)

Me: "Sure thing." (lift and hold bag above my head)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crayish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the blonde girl stare at the can of orange juice?

Cuz it said concentrate!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pradan_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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