Blankly Puns

I had no words to describe how angry I was

Now, thats something that needs addressing.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."

Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.

It’s a Minnie marathon.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

My wife and I were grocery shopping a few years ago.

I am 6'6", she is 5'1".

She couldn't find something and asked for help.

I found it on an 'upper' shelf.

She said she hadn't seen it, and I said it was past-eur-ized. She looked blank, then her face lit up, and laughed.

It is a situation we will always share.

Link.

It's baffling.

X_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

(Apparently you get deleted by a bot for having the punchline in the title, forcing me to spoil the joke by including some text rather than leaving this blank as it should be to get the full effect.)

I couldn't reach the food, so I said, "Excuse me Pastor, can you pass the pasta past the Pastor?"

(This actually happened, but it was kind of a letdown - they both just looked at me blankly, then resumed eating.)

Wife: The kids moved my bookmark.

Me: all these years and you haven’t learned my name is Austin.

Wife stared at me blankly for a few moments and then went on with her day. Lol

He looked up at me with a blank stare and said, “you.”

While getting a blood test for our dog the vet explained that she would ring us when the lab-test results came in. To which my dad promptly replied "Why are you running a LAB-test when she is a Corgi?"

I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”

He gave me a blank stair.

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.

"moo."

The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

But I was immediately fired.

A blanket.

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

Son: Dad, there's a hole in your t-shirt. Me: I know, it's my religious t-shirt. Son: gives me a blank look Me: It's holy!

(Ned Stark's voice) "Dadjokes are coming"

Alright you punny people, I need help. I’m making a cake for a man. It’s his birthday, his wife is having a baby, and it is his last day at his current job. Current job is buying the cake and told me to write something funny including all the occasions. I’m not creative when put on the spot so I have completely drawn a blank on a great pun! Much appreciated!!

It seemed a reasonable question, him being a professional boxer and all.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I have no words to describe how angry I am...

I have no words to describe how angry I am

I have no words for how angry I am.

I have no words to Express how angry I am.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I have no words to describe how angry I am

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I have no words to describe how angry I am ....

I have no words to describe how angry I am

I had no words to express my disappointment!

I have no words to describe how angry I am

I have no words to describe how angry I am right now.

I have no words to describe how angry I am right now.

I had no words to describe how angry I was.

I have no words to describe how angry I am