WARNING: There is an email going around offering processed pork, Gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email DO NOT OPEN

It’s spam

πŸ‘︎ 168
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
Open up your morning light...
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lindserrific
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
I always knock when I open the fridge

Just in case there's a salad dressing.

πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShimuDono
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I can’t seem to open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 416
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, β€œHere are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
Open your eyes imgur.com/40QuNmF
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NatoXemus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cute button, which on pressing norifies the house owner to open the door?

Adoorbell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inoobie_am
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
I am finally ready to open my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Decided I’m gonna open a purse shop in Iraq

Think I’ll call it Bagdad

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, β€œDad, what do you think this is?...

...the Land of the Rising Son?”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
What kind of key opens a banana?

A mon-key.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cognimaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it.

It's spam

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drewzee0109
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
I went to a open home and the retail salesman showed me around.

I asked the retail salesman "what's up stairs?"

He replied "no, the stairs dont talk"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C9SF-Dr0p
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
I have a can of soup. CAN I open it

Yes I CAN

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/siriman432
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:

Go outside and ride your bike

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
Gave my co-worker a can and asked him to open it. After he opened it I said that he was a can opener.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
They want to open a floating cinema in Paris with drive-in boats.

I just think that's in Seine.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/risanthy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
If you get an e-mail from the CDC about tins of pork being contaminated with COVID-19, don’t open it.

It’s Spam

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BoomerB3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the Lego store is open for the first time since the COVID shutdown?

They're lining up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nectar23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...

C

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
How does a drunk open his house?

Whiskey

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes:

C

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkRedditBot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call a restaurant patio that’s only open sometimes?

A periodic table.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MansNotHot772
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Wheeeen youuuu open the doors and you see lots of drawers

That's armoire

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kmartinator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
My grandad always said: "When one door closes, another one opens"...

...Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

πŸ“· Removed - Punchline in title

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrGonzoDog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…

Let that sink in…

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
The bartender does a little jig whenever he opens a new keg.

It's a tap dance.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Later in Forrest Gump’s life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.

It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I always knock on the fridge before I open it

Just in case there’s a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the bank teller and told him I wanted to change banks and open an account.

Man: No problem Sir. What’s the name of your previous bank?

Me: Piggy.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
WARNING!!! Do NOT open any email(s) from Hormel Foods...

It might be SPAM.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
PSA: if you receive an email with the subject ding dong. Whatever you do, don’t open it.

It’s the Jehovah’s witnesses working from home

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YellowSnow2807
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
With the barber shop finally open after many weeks, there was a huge crowd of people jostling for position to get in...

They really need a hair traffic controller.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I cracked open an egg and all this yellow goo came out.

I was like: is this some kind of yolk?!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
I’m going to open a math tutoring business.

I’ll name it Limited Addition.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Entree_The_Giant
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to open up an ophthalmologist office for homosexuals

It’s called The Gaze

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dancer9d9
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Open mic
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forever_rookie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
My grandpa used to say "When one door closes, another shall open"

He was a great man, but a terrible cupboard maker.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amraith
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I left my garage door open yesterday, and someone stole my limbo stick.

Like seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeamRockin
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What does James Hetfeild call his door when it's open?

A Jar-O

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Open casket funeral?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RugsbandShrugmyer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
What do you need to open up a zoo?

A monKEY

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMatt88
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
How do you get a Redditor to open a post?
πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FroYo10101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The officers of my company all met on the open, unroofed porch extending from our building...

It was a deck quorum.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
If anyone gets an email from me about canned meat. Don't open it.

Its Spam.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldomccoy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.

In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
A Friend and I Decided to open a Chinese Cookie Business

We're going to make fortunes

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pidyon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Dad, did you open the cereal box?

No, it’s bran new!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I was testing a lock which opens with a fingerprint, and trying to see how many fingerprints I could store. I've been able to store 10 fingerprints without issue

Because that's all I had on hand.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyStRm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.

Its Spam.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JTHinton
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
What happened to the food that was kept open for 10 years?

It decade.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I solved the mystery of the open luggage!

Case closed.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
I want to open a Jamaican-Spanish-Irish small plates breakfast joint.

We're going to call it "Tapas the Morning to Ja"

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation

like when you have to change someone's mind.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the astronaut that accidentally flew out into open space?

He couldn't understand the gravity of the situation.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
I can't believe my ex wanted the expanse of open rolling infertile land in addition to my trailer home...

She wanted my mansion and moor!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
An oyster says to her boyfriend " I feel like I can really open up to you."

"Awww shucks"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jedispartan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
The only two open minded presidents

JFK and Lincoln

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DatBoiKyrum1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
If Kenny Loggins was to open a budget hotel complex in the woods...

.. Would they be called Kenny Log Inns?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumthumsinaction
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Why are pianos hard to open?

The keys are on the inside

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sasherrrrz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to open a folder on my computer

I couldn't find any papers

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhichDesigner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to open a Star Wars themed corner grocery store.

I’m calling it the Dagobah Bodega

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryosen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Open up please
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Glowstick2019
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day I held the door open for a clown.

I thought it was a nice jester.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rickmartingt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Your Open Source OS Of Choice?

Q: What's Your Open Source OS Of Choice?

A: Darwin.

Q: Why?

A: It's the evolution of Unix.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gandalf239
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone wants to come and talk about why my stuff keeps getting stolen, the door is always open.
πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Two truly open minded presidents
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ya_Boi_Blue_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.

It was a changing of the Tide.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazykegle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If two gender-changed parents are pretty open to others,

You can say they're transparent

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaGoldenpanzer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
What does an adolescent cheetah in the open say?

I've been spotted

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CubingWithAlex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Why does every retired basketball players open a brewery?

Because they've got hops

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blazingsword09
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What are the 2 words that will open a lot of doors in your life?

Push and pull.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me the pictures of our first date together, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I have serious emotional attachment issues.

πŸ‘︎ 181
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I held the door open for a clown today

It was a nice jester

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Amazon wants to open a new factory to increase their profits by 100%. The obvious choice of location is...

Dublin

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerup4444
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
(People from the UK will get this) What key opens every door?

A Pikey

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_lone_deviant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I plan to open a 24 hour Chinese restaurant.

I’m going to name it Wok Around the Clock.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichyCigars
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I invented a revolutionary new kind of beer. The bursting of the CO2 bubbles once the bottle is open can actually filter the air around you as you drink.

I call it the HEPA-weizen.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErockLobster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I always knock the fridge door before I open it

Just incase there's a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fmlolika
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to open up a Feng Shui store

but it ended up being in the wrong location.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harminoff2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me the pictures of our first trip together, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I’ve always had trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A man dressed as a clown held the door open for me today at the store.

It was a nice jester.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yimter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't open unless you want to see a spoiler imgur.com/gRz1U8Q
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jdabby32
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I live in genuine terror of boiling an egg and cracking it open to find a dead, boiled chick inside

No yolk

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingChef
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it!

It's spam!

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/talpa710
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
An open letter to the mod

C

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BiscuitaBoyo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

β€œPush” and β€œPull”.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes:

C

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alfie_13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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