To all the members of this subreddit, an open letter:
Which program do jedi use to open PDFs?
Metallica should open up a chain of mattress discount stores!
And call it "Nothing else Mattress"
Fun fact, Buildings now have a room that if you walk right in it and close the door the dame door will open somewhere else in the building
That's an elevator for ya
Edit- dame was supposed to be same
I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.
"Bargain" the man says.
"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."
My uncle always said "when one door closes another door opens"
Great guy,terrible kitchen fitter.
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
I wanted to open a restaurant that only served scrambled eggs.
But my wife talked me out of it.
She said it was too whiskey.
How do you open a green door
Both of my parents don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are both very honest and open people.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
My grandfather always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
Daughter: "Can you open this, dad?"
opens the jar
Yep! I sure can!
closes it back and hands it back
My daughter again " ..... "
When I open the fridge after a long day at work only to find water, milk and juice, I start to feel like David Gilmour.
"How I wish... How I wish you were beer."
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
You know what’s the worst thing about keeping an open mind?
You’ll end up getting a splitting headache.
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
How did mouses open old letters?
My poker opponent said I was "like an open book".
"You think I'm bluffing?" I asked.
"No," she said. "You keep showing everyone your cards."
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
Why did the clown hold the door open?
Because it's a nice jester
A Harper Lee novel on trial refused to open up about their case case, but was still judged by it's cover.
Moral of the story... Don't kill animals.
Edit: remove one case
The gyms must stay open.
The Constitution guarantees the Freedom of the Press!
I recently turned down an opportunity to open a Dominos Pizza store, because I thought it was too risky.
If one store goes down, they will all go down.
If anyone gets an email from me with the subject 'My meat', don't open it.
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
When a ghost opens a bank vault by itself...
Its a poulterheist
... I’ve been playing too much phasmophobia
I want to open a Chinese food buffet
It will be called "All You Can Eat and Dim Sum"
How do toads open presents?
Do you know why Santa and eight reindeer couldn’t open his vehicle?
The day my daughter turns 18, I’m going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
Called my local restaurant for reservation. Hey are you guys open for reservations? They replied four to nine today
Looks like they are too busy today
I got to open a present early. It was anti-gloating cream
I can't wait to rub it in
I’m going to open a restaurant that doesn’t do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic
It’s called Thai Food Mary
grandpa told me: "if a door closes somewhere, another opens
he was a really bad cabinet maker...
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it ...
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
I always knock on the fridge before I open the door...
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
I'll see myself out....
Hold the door open for a clown
My wife emailed me pictures of our wedding, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
A clown held the door open for me
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there's a salad dressing
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