If you havenβt shot a weapon with your eyes closed
You donβt know what youβre missing.
π︎ 82
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
Just a moment ago, my hands began to convulse, my fingernails turned into sharp talons, my palms became thick, hairy, and tough. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and the feeling went away
I just had two paws for a moment
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
My friend asked why the stock market is closed this Friday. I looked at him, shook my head and said...
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 02 2021
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
What does the closed sign on a brothel say?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Canβt get my head around why Timpsons was closed today.
Surely theyβre key workers?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
What did the tree do when the bank was closed?
π︎ 29
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Finland has just closed their borders
No one will be crossing the finish line
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 19 2020
Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didnβt get the door closed completely.
When is a door also a good container?
When itβs ajar.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
Wren kitchens have just been closed down by the police
Apparently it was a big counter fitting operation
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tanning salons closed, waxing salons closed...
It's about to get ugly out there.
Stay safe.
π︎ 499
π
︎ Mar 19 2020
Well we are closed now but the boards still come.
π︎ 114
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
Finland has closed its borders, You know what that means...
No one will cross the Finnish line
π︎ 47
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
Finland has just closed it borders...
π︎ 123
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
Not many people knew that the spa is closed
A lot of them didnβt get the massage.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
From the Closed Captioning on the movie Onward
π︎ 44
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
Due to covid-19, finland closed its borders to international marathon runners.
The racers ran anyways but unfortunately no one crossed the finnish line
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
Sorry guys, we are still closed but I did a few to keep them coming in these strained times.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
My local oriental takeaway got closed down because they found canine meat.
Shame I thought it was the dogs bollocks.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
Case closed.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 07 2018
Today my son and I walked past a gym and he said "looks like they've closed down."
My response; "guess it didn't work out."
π︎ 355
π
︎ Nov 17 2019
In these dark times were everything is closed down DFS closing down sale is actually happening
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
Starbucks has closed many of its coughy shops.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
My street light fixing business closed two months after it opened because it was not profitable
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
What did the strip club sign say when they closed for Covid?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 18 2020
Did you hear they closed the aquarium?
Itβs for training porpoises.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 11 2020
Well this phone will break easily, Case Closed.
π︎ 244
π
︎ Apr 28 2019
There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed.
Everyone will try to pick up where they left off.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
Case closed
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
With both the salons and banks closed
I donβt know how Iβm expected to make a pretty penny
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
My Muslim friend's opticians closed down recently as it wasn't doing well
It was silly of him to call it Asif Eyecare
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 24 2019
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said
Look whoβs grounded now, mom.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jul 29 2019
I closed Reddit, locked my phone, and stood up.
I said to myself, βIβm done with this shit.β
π︎ 157
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︎ Feb 21 2019
My friend is so proud that he finally got a waterbed with sliding boxes opened by pulling out and closed by pushing in...
Now he can wake up and jump straight into his drawers!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 22 2019
Did you hear that Circuit City closed?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 27 2019
Finland has just closed its borders
Thereβs no way we can cross the Finnish line now.
π︎ 68
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
What did the sign say on the outside of a brothel when it was closed?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the local locksmiths were closed...
I thought they were key workers?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tan salons an Wax salons too...
... itβs about to get ugly out there
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 20 2020
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