I forgot that youโre not allowed to bring guns on government property.
Host: Table for 3?
Dad: We'll take a table in the corner.
Sits down
Dad: Boy, this place sure is cozy.
Almost 10 years ago now when my daughterโs mom was pregnant with herโwaddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to popโshe looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, โOmigod Iโm as big as a house!โ
And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:
โWell, baby girl, if youโre a house then youโre my dream home...โ
I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldnโt stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)
Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.
Q: How do Hong Kongers cozy up? A: They dim some.
