It's officially her first relationsheep.
They're, there, their.
They’re, there, their
You pat them on the back and say their, there, they’re.
There, they're, their.
There, they’re, their.
But we should cut his hang glider out of the tree soon.
I told her that'd be a stretch
My SO asked if he could go down on me while I am on my period. He said he has always wanted to earn his 'red wings.' I stared at him a little weirded out and said 'well, ok, but I don't want to know how one earns their maple leafs.'
There, their, they’re now…
There there, they're there
Because if you use the right one you will look like a right tit.
But sofa so good.
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
The pirate replies, “Aye, it’s driving me nuts.”
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in t... keep reading on reddit ➡
We’re a cover band.
So I simply sat down and looked comfortable, that did the trick
I'm more of a FingerGuns kind of guy.
He had a great fall.
Although in my experience, you only need two arms.
Sit on a couch and look comfortable.
But my wife cried fowl. Feeling down I ordered one with bird feathers.
bc their comfort is unmatched.
"What's that Haskins?"
"I know your love life sucks, so I signed you up to a dating website."
"I'm not comfortable with a robot finding love for me."
"It says your best chance for love is in October."
"Because it's autumn mated."
I only feel comforchair.
Wife: Hey, your sister's wedding is coming up, what do you wanna get her for a gift?
Me: I have no idea. What do you think she'd like?
Wife: Well, she mentioned to your mom that she could really use a comforter for their new bedroom set
Me: A comforter? Oh, yeah, I got that covered.
Wife: You do?
Me: Yeah! Starts rubbing her arm gently
Wife: Wh-what.. are you doing?
Me: shhhhh... it's okayyyy.
Wife: What? What're you doing?
Me: Being a comforter!
(This was before we got married, and she still brings it up to this day for being the most ridiculous dad joke she's ever heard.)
They didnt want someone to see them changing into something more comfortable
"There's no cake, it's all just rocks and dirt."
I replied: "We ought ta, man".
But I think those are just blanket statements.
They’d all be a lot more comfortable
So my girlfriend and I were arguing over who had the more comfortable blanket And so she finally said “I don’t care, I have the more comfortable blanket” To which I replied with “I call bullsheet!”
The Ottoman Empire.
It started out as just one dress, but she enjoyed it so much that she started making more. She told us that she is now fully embracing her hobby, and had decided to wear corsets for a week to prove that they can be comfortable and not torture devices. To which I replied: "So I guess you could say that your hobby is fully embracing you!"
Bonus: About 10 minutes previous, I had told one of the other people in the conversation that I'd been practicing my dad jokes for years before my daughter was born.
I'll have to sleep on it
Even doing it in a limo would be a stretch.
We have always been such a happy couple and everything was fine for 3 years straight. Of course I always felt comfortable in front of her and felt like I can tell her anything. That's where I was wrong.
A few months ago I noticed that she became annoyed by my dumb jokes that were only funny to me, but that just made it even funnier to me so I continued telling all these dad jokes to her and died laughing every time.
She puts up with it because she loves me. At least I thought so.
We were always 100% honest with each other and I'm still shaken by the things she told me today.
I sent her probably one of my worst dad jokes ever (that I stole from reddit), and she just couldn't take it anymore and told me how stupid my jokes are and that she doesn't know if she'll be able to put up with it much longer.
But that's not the worst part, I actually appreciated her honesty and considered the possibility to stop with all the stupid jokes and become more serious in the relationship.
The wors... keep reading on reddit ➡
The one with the comfortable lead
Just sit down and look comfortable!
I told her "sorry you're feeling down".
She said I'm stupid.
In other words, I won.
Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.
Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
I told her to be sure to wear comfortable shoes.
To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."
Steve answered, "I wish I was rich."
And the genie said, "What’s your second wish, Rich?"
but it's beaten me, I've hit a wall
He was scared sheetless.
Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"
Had to lay it down, I can't stand these marry/sue charakters.
A "Comfort Sweet"
He said it was too close for comfort.
I told him I wasn’t comfortable with this, and now he’s accusing me of being lack-toes intolerant.
Dad: just move already!
Mom: He's just not comfortable going into traffic
Dad: I don't care if he's comfortable or a dining table, he should move
He was sofa king comfortable.
But im comfortable with it.
I said I could, but I'd be more comfortable playing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The husband replies reassuringly "yes you are honey" -- to which his wife embraces him comfortably
...the husband continues on to say "the rest have been 8's, 9's, and even some 10's!"
Edit: why was this marked as wholesome LOL
But once your hand gets comfortable using a mouse, it just clicks.
As I pulled the comforter over him I said, "I got you covered."
I proceeded to laugh for 1 solid minute, he did NOT think it was funny.
A friend called as I was walking out the door this morning and said she found out yesterday afternoon that she has breast cancer. She knows when I leave and timed it that way because she couldn't handle a long conversation. Bread dipped in Karo is her big comfort food, so I am wanting to pick some up with a loaf of bread and leave it along with a note by her door. I want the note to be happy/upbeat and figured what's better than a one line pun. Problem is, I am stuck. (see what I did there?)
So my fiancée came home from work earlier this week, clearly upset. I asked what was wrong and she went on to tell me about how she accidentally ran over a duck.
In an attempt to comfort her, my compassionate and empathetic self responds with, "well I guess it's safe to say the duck suffered from a quacked skull huh?"
She was not amused.
I can still remember comforting me when I got overwhelmed - giving me a hug and saying "there, their, they're."
No wonder they love the comfort of an open-toad sandal.
I said Yes He said Good it’s more comfortable
The previous weekend my college age daughter told me she had slept in her car after a party.
Me (dad): so did you sleep in your car again?
College age daughter: No, we were a lot more comfortable than that. We slept indoors.
Me: Seems like a door would be a lot less comfortable than a car!
My wife was getting a sheet from the closet and I went to jump on the bed and said, "wait let me get this sheet on there!" I said "don't use that language with me!"
She drop the sheet said you're stupid and walked out of the room.
So my girlfriend asked me to help her brush her hair cause she said it was knotty. This is our conversation
GF: Hey can you brush my hair real quick? It's knotty.
ME: Sure but let me slip into something more comfortable.
ME: Cause it's naughty (also had my best sexy face on)
GF: ... Ugh...
Needless to say she's brushed it herself.
Mum was out shopping and calling Dad excitedly at some new bedding she'd found. "It's so us, it will help your back, and it looks so so so comfortable. Come on, we've not had new bedding in years. I've chosen this amazing bed, sheets that go perfectly with our room. There's a deal where they throw in extras, like a U shaped pillow and then......."
Dad cut her off mid-flow and shouted "OK! Do it! Let's get it!"
He relayed the conversation back to us and said he was really excited.
Weeks later when the bed finally arrived he stood watching her unwrap the parts. I was just outside the room. He waited for his cue and when she opened the U shaped pillow - boom - he hit it,
"It looks nothing like me!" He shouted.
He turned to me and winked "totally worth it" he grinned at me.
I was confused.
He said "when I heard about the U shaped pillow I was so sold on the joke I had to let her buy it all".
Yeah... Nice one dad........
So, today my girlfriend broke up with me. To keep it short, we were together for a few month and everything happened really fast. Bla bla bla, she said something about how she always felt comfortable around me but never could develop any strong love feelings for me.
She: "This week I was thinking a lot about us, our relationship and future and I took off my 'cheesy being-in-love-glasses' Me: Well, I know you're still wearing your contacts..." (she actually did)
So I got that going for me which was nice. But now I'm sad.
They're, there, their.
There their, they’re there
But sofa so good.
But sofa so good.