Everyone seems to think next year will bring back some comforts of normalcy

I’m not so convinced though since 2021 is guaranteed to be an odd year

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat is so comfortable he went into a comma
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chillyhellion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I read that Shakira struggles to sleep and get comfortable in bed.

Apparently its because her hips don’t lie

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife

My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I will have a very comfortable corpse bed when I die

It will be memory foam

I have strong memories

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForbiddnSnacc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a restaurant and when I sat down the waiter asked "comfortable"?

I said "no, comeforfood"

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I always disagree whether tea or coffee is superior, she said tea will always be there to comfort you, I said...

Tea leaves

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKiwiBlitz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the meteor sit down comfortably?

Huge asteroids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the officer say to comfort the foreigner he was arresting?

Don’t worry! These cuffs were designed for two-wrists.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicxwwe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Comfortably Numb
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makersmark12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve heard southern comfort is nice,

Because normal comfort just tastes like fabric softener!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I bought a new mattress. When we got home and set it up, we were unsure about whether or not it would be comfortable enough.

She said, β€œLet’s sleep on it.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeniedScout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a book about the most comfortable ways to sleep in a coffin.

They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsNacho8000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear that Neil Armstrong was very comfortable when he landed on the Moon.

And from the pictures I saw, his suit does seem like it has a lot of space inside

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the writer comfortable in the army?

He was familiar with the magazines.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconReign
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wants a boyfriend, but hasn't been asked out yet. To comfort her, I bought her a little lamb, and named it "Relation".

It's officially her first relationsheep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dahublubsdamub
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Too many apostrophes for comfort.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Keep safe during this pandemic and use an old padded bra to make yourself a comfortable mask. Just make sure you use the left cup...

Because if you use the right one you will look like a right tit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astoran15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
He’s feline a lot more comfortable.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that's comfortable to sit and relax on?

A Cowch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!

I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

They're, there, their.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't think I'll ever find a stable job

To be honest I'm not too comfortable around horses.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/APunchToThePuss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the steering wheel? That can’t be very comfortable.”

The pirate replies, β€œAye, it’s driving me nuts.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/petersock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?

They’re, there, their

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Numpkins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a marketing genius is comfortable in bed?

Koshy

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1-sh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the most comforting rock

Bedrock, duh...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Citydoodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
me comforting a friend.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveAPetToaster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Going outside my comfort zone v.redd.it/0fsrlrm8w4k21
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maisy1st
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you comfort a grammar nazi?

You pat them on the back and say their, there, they’re.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xBad_Wolfx
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler write Mien Kampf while in prison?

It was a struggle

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The most ComForTable part of a conference room
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frankendilt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why you booing me I'm right
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchomojo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I find sliced butter very comforting

It's like: pat, pat... pat, pat.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxAvery
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call comfortable furniture that says "moo"

Cowch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Humpty Dumpty comfortable in the winter?

He had a great fall.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockplops
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Mask Jokes

Me: Your mask looks like a diaper

Him: It's very comfortable though.

Me: Like Huggies comfortable or Pampers?

Him: It Depends....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sethg4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend said you need Β£250,000 to comfortably raise a baby.

Although in my experience, you only need two arms.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried ordering a cheap synthetic comforter.

But my wife cried fowl. Feeling down I ordered one with bird feathers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motnock
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t too sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

They're, there, their.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you comfort a grammar nazi?

There their, they’re there

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strongpillow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you comfort a grammar nazi?

There, they're, their.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EquationTAKEN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you say to comfort a friend struggling with grammar?

There, they’re, their.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlamedXmonster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report

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