What’s the most relaxed number?

A chillion.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Mr-Pixel-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What weapon is the most relaxed?

Just β€œchill axe”, my dude.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grassblox311
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the milk so relaxed?

It was chilling in the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Physicsboy2018
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
YSK: Drinking tea while being too relaxed can kill you

It's called a casual tea

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZZiyan_11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What does an illustrator do when they want to feel relaxed and refreshed.

Draw themselves a bath

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the coolest most relaxed member of the orchestra?

The CHILLEST

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"

Me: "But my name isn't David."

Doctor: "I know, I'm David."

πŸ‘︎ 996
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What do plants like to relax on?

Ferniture

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enjoyinglifetoday
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
When I go camping with my wife I want it to be relaxing...

but it always ends up two in tents

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.

Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BetterThanOP
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a python drink to relax?

Gerbil tea.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter was all worked up, and I told her to relax. She screamed "I can't!!!".

So I asked her if she could lax again.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
There’s nothing better than relaxing to Beyonce.

Except maybe Beytwice.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HiFiGuy197
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
When my daughter is nauseous, I sing to help relax her...

Apparently she's not a big fan of 'Let It Go'

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/foxesarezuper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do meteorologists relax ?

Where do meteorologists relax after work? At the isobar!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Pretty stoked it's the weekend! Gonna relax and get drunk hans style...

Solo

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/postymcpostface21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Relax
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone I ever dated was impressed when I told them I liked to relax on my poop deck.

They were always disappointed when I showed them it was just a regular deck with dog poop on it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I got in argument with my butcher

Relax. It's just a local beef.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.

I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theknight618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the most relaxing sounds to a pirate?

"A.S.M....'ARRR!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uuuu777777
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I found an old vinyl record of insect sounds.

I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hover-lovecraft
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?

The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When I'm really feeling stressed out, I massage auto parts to relax...

Sometimes, I just knead a brake.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Axolotle relaxing
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZevireTees
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Nothing like relaxing on the couch with a nice mer-loaf imgur.com/dhhpBGM
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that's comfortable to sit and relax on?

A Cowch

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I've taken up a new hobby. Shooting arrows at paintings.

Who knew artery could be so relaxing.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lecraic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...

Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2016
🚨︎ report
This evening, everyone remember to relax and sit in front of the TV

Because you will see nothing if you sit behind it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chaff800
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I hope to one day be rich enough to buy a ring-shaped island chain formed of coral, where I can retire to relax.

I’ll call it my No Worries Atoll.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abridgetooclose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
πŸ‘︎ 305
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a lizard with angry red skin. It then turned orange! Then it turned yellow. Then green. Then blue. Then indigo, until it finally became a relaxing shade of violet.

Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Fishing is relaxing
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mareno999
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I can’t relax when I have multiple options for where to sleep when I’m camping

It’s two tents.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlooShinja
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
So I used to own a rabbit farm.

You know I would raise these super cute fluffy bunnies!

People would always ask me how it was: was it relaxing, fun, nice, a bore etc...?

I would always respond that it was honestly terrifying, like really scary.

People in bewilderment would always say: "what? scary? how can that be??"

I would respond: "well, it was hare raising"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pilp147
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Whenever my girlfriend wants to argue about something, she waits until I’m relaxing in my hammock.

I’m easily swayed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...

And chill out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call two relaxing vowels?

U and i on vacation

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yohann069
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my wife: "I was thinking we should relax in the park with one of my friends."

She said, "Picnic."

"Jesus," I said, 'I always knew you fancied him."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do pirates relax?

ASM Arrrrrrrrrr

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought camping was supposed to be relaxing, but it was in tents.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/writechriswrite
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.

Me: my name isn’t David.

Doctor: I know. I’m David.

πŸ‘︎ 947
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.