After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.

They were releaved.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedygoyem
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
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Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?

Yes, it’s parkour the force.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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My wife bought me soy sauce to help ease my depression.

Kikkoman when he's down, I guess.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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"I will ease your mind"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cleatus029
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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I lost my job recently so my wife went out and bought my favourite soy sauce to ease the pain.

I said, "Kikkoman when he's done, huh?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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I find I can carry large sacks of dahlia tubers with ease, although the eerie glow they emit is somewhat offputting.

They must be light bulbs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevebox2345
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyp433
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tracto

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
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You know a great thing about canvass stands?

They make art easely accessible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tunecrooner
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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How does a painter display his masterpiece?

Easely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
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Dad, why do scuba divers roll backwards off the boat?

Because, son, if they rolled forwards they'd still be in the boat.

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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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Constipated?

Try...

Fece-Ease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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it all

The title says it all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nesano
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, β€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, β€œLet’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbin

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Why don't schools use E's as grades?

Because otherwise you could pass the class with ease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OccAzzO
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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I was golfing with my good buddies...

It was a foursome... Al, Jerry and Gerry. To ease confusion, we just call the (G)Jerry’s by the first letter of their name... so Jay and Gee.

Anyways, we were playing the other day and I could tell that someone was wearing cologne. Why on a golf course? I don’t know.

Now I’m kinda sensitive to odors and aromas and, sure enough, after a few holes, my eyes start to water and I start to sneeze.

I turn to Jay and say β€œI think I’m allergic to someone’s cologne”

Jay responds, β€œHmmm, I’m not wearing cologne, it must be Al or Gee’s”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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There's a new machine that lets dads experience the pain of child birth...

There's this new machine that lets fathers experience the pain of child birth. A couple tried it out...

On the 25% setting the husband didn't feel anything even though the mother's pain eased.

Surprised, they turn it up to 50%. The wife felt less pain and amazingly the husband felt nothing.

The machine was turned up to 100% and the mother gave a pain-free birth to two beautiful twins.

They returned home the next day to find the mailman dead in the front yard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8sk8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?

Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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A punny story

So, I went to this garage sale advertised in my area, and these people lived on this hill, so I was driving really hoping that it was worth it. And OH. MY. GOD. I found the cutest coaster ever. It was a work of art, and I was so intrigued to find out that it was the last thing the owner's great grandmother had made. And so as I was heading back to my car, I tripped, and the coaster got sent flying down the hill on it's side, only breaking when it hit a tree on the way down. To ease up tensions, I chuckled a bit.

I laughed, they cried, it was a roller-coaster of emotions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IxxJayxDeexxI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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How did the painter display his master piece?

Easely

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πŸ‘€︎ u/univarseman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you add more "E's" to the alphabet?

An alphabet that is more at ease. Bring on the alphabet jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
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How does a painter make a pun?

easely

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnonForProfit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
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Got my own dad while bowling last night

My dad an I bowl in a league together, and one of the guys on team we were against last night kept getting strikes. On his 6th in a row, my dad commented "He's doing it with ease." I pointed at the scoreboard and said "Pretty sure those are Xs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scaryuncledevin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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Artie the Contract Killer (long)

A man was very unhappily married and tired of being in debt. So he figured out a way to resolve both of his problems with ease. He started by taking out a life insurance policy on his wife, naming himself as the sole beneficiary. Then, he spoke to a friend, who had a friend, who knew a guy who made people "disappear". He met with the gentleman, Artie, and they set up the plot to murder his wife. Artie said it would only be $5,000, but he wanted it upfront. The man, not having much money, opened his wallet and showed Artie the lone one dollar bill. Reluctantly, Artie took the dollar as a down payment. A few days later, Artie followed the wife into a grocery store, and back to the deli section. There was no one else around, so Artie took the opportunity to strangle her to death. Just as he was laying her body down, the manager walked out to witness this scene. Not wanting to leave any witnesses, Artie murdered the manager as well. Unbeknownst to Artie, the store's security witnessed all

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marriedwithkids96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
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My wife and I drove past a store called "Sav Mor"

I said to her, "That sounds too hard. I'd prefer to save more with ease."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milespordeo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
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So a man sees his pastor at a liquor store on Sunday...

A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.

The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.

So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.

He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"

The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"

I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_from_detroit
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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My customer wound up making me look foolish for this one.

I came up with a fresh bowl of peas, and the little girl inched away nervously (stranger danger, and all). I tried to ease her by saying:

"Don't worry. I come in peas."

Cue awkward pause.

Her mom chimed in: "I get it." She still didn't laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewLeaf37
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2014
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Read this in my "speech and diction" book this morning: "Never touch a sleeping sea snake"

"You'll feel eel at ease"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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It was a good one. He cracked himself up

So yesterday I had vision correction surgery and on the ride home my mom called. My dad answered it via the car phone and my mom was asking how it went and all that. The conversation went as follows:

Mom: Hi how are you doing? How's Phil?

Dad: Hi we are good. He was in and out in about 20 minutes and they gave him a CD with only one track on it as part of the recovery package.

Mom: Really? What for?

Dad: Just to ease the anxiety he may experience shortly after the surgery. It's the song I can see clearly now.

My mom proceeded to crack up over the phone and I think she accidentally hung up as well. My girlfriend and I were laughing hysterically as well.

Knowing my dad, he couldn't wait to drop that one.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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My new favourite Dad joke

An Aussie blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'but Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the entrance exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?''

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrTelly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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