Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!

I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried ordering a cheap synthetic comforter.

But my wife cried fowl. Feeling down I ordered one with bird feathers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motnock
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Comforter

Wife: Hey, your sister's wedding is coming up, what do you wanna get her for a gift?

Me: I have no idea. What do you think she'd like?

Wife: Well, she mentioned to your mom that she could really use a comforter for their new bedroom set

Me: A comforter? Oh, yeah, I got that covered.

Wife: You do?

Me: Yeah! Starts rubbing her arm gently

Wife: Wh-what.. are you doing?

Me: shhhhh... it's okayyyy.

Wife: What? What're you doing?

Me: Being a comforter!

(This was before we got married, and she still brings it up to this day for being the most ridiculous dad joke she's ever heard.)

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
People keep telling me that sheets and comforters are so great.

But I think those are just blanket statements.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyleMistry
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2013
🚨︎ report
My teenage daughter was walking around the house with her comforter over her head, wallowing in self-pity

I told her "sorry you're feeling down".

She said I'm stupid.

In other words, I won.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VinceCully
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Everyone seems to think next year will bring back some comforts of normalcy

I’m not so convinced though since 2021 is guaranteed to be an odd year

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat is so comfortable he went into a comma
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chillyhellion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I read that Shakira struggles to sleep and get comfortable in bed.

Apparently its because her hips don’t lie

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife

My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I will have a very comfortable corpse bed when I die

It will be memory foam

I have strong memories

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForbiddnSnacc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a restaurant and when I sat down the waiter asked "comfortable"?

I said "no, comeforfood"

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I always disagree whether tea or coffee is superior, she said tea will always be there to comfort you, I said...

Tea leaves

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKiwiBlitz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the meteor sit down comfortably?

Huge asteroids.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Comfortably Numb
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makersmark12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the officer say to comfort the foreigner he was arresting?

Don’t worry! These cuffs were designed for two-wrists.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicxwwe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve heard southern comfort is nice,

Because normal comfort just tastes like fabric softener!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I bought a new mattress. When we got home and set it up, we were unsure about whether or not it would be comfortable enough.

She said, β€œLet’s sleep on it.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeniedScout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a book about the most comfortable ways to sleep in a coffin.

They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsNacho8000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œBecause of the pandemic, I’m on the computer 12 hours a day. Is that bad?”

Me: That can’t be comfortable. Try a chair instead.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I hear that Neil Armstrong was very comfortable when he landed on the Moon.

And from the pictures I saw, his suit does seem like it has a lot of space inside

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wants a boyfriend, but hasn't been asked out yet. To comfort her, I bought her a little lamb, and named it "Relation".

It's officially her first relationsheep.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dahublubsdamub
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the writer comfortable in the army?

He was familiar with the magazines.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconReign
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Too many apostrophes for comfort.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Keep safe during this pandemic and use an old padded bra to make yourself a comfortable mask. Just make sure you use the left cup...

Because if you use the right one you will look like a right tit.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astoran15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
He’s feline a lot more comfortable.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that's comfortable to sit and relax on?

A Cowch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

They're, there, their.

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I have the best prostrate doctor.

Every time he examines me, he puts both hands on my shoulders to comfort me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the steering wheel? That can’t be very comfortable.”

The pirate replies, β€œAye, it’s driving me nuts.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/petersock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't think I'll ever find a stable job

To be honest I'm not too comfortable around horses.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/APunchToThePuss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?

They’re, there, their

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Numpkins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a marketing genius is comfortable in bed?

Koshy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1-sh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Going outside my comfort zone v.redd.it/0fsrlrm8w4k21
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maisy1st
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
me comforting a friend.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveAPetToaster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the most comforting rock

Bedrock, duh...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Citydoodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you comfort a grammar nazi?

You pat them on the back and say their, there, they’re.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xBad_Wolfx
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The most ComForTable part of a conference room
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frankendilt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler write Mien Kampf while in prison?

It was a struggle

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t too sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

They're, there, their.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you comfort a grammar nazi?

There their, they’re there

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strongpillow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you comfort a grammar nazi?

There, they're, their.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EquationTAKEN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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