44 Hilarious Comforter Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!

I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....

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👤︎ u/Naitraen

📅︎ Dec 20 2019

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I tried ordering a cheap synthetic comforter.

But my wife cried fowl. Feeling down I ordered one with bird feathers.

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👤︎ u/motnock

📅︎ Feb 04 2019

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Comforter

Wife: Hey, your sister's wedding is coming up, what do you wanna get her for a gift?

Me: I have no idea. What do you think she'd like?

Wife: Well, she mentioned to your mom that she could really use a comforter for their new bedroom set

Me: A comforter? Oh, yeah, I got that covered.

Wife: You do?

Me: Yeah! Starts rubbing her arm gently

Wife: Wh-what.. are you doing?

Me: shhhhh... it's okayyyy.

Wife: What? What're you doing?

Me: Being a comforter!

(This was before we got married, and she still brings it up to this day for being the most ridiculous dad joke she's ever heard.)

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👤︎ u/MyBallsDontWorkAMA

📅︎ Jan 27 2018

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People keep telling me that sheets and comforters are so great.

But I think those are just blanket statements.

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👤︎ u/KyleMistry

📅︎ Jul 15 2013

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My teenage daughter was walking around the house with her comforter over her head, wallowing in self-pity

I told her "sorry you're feeling down".

She said I'm stupid.

In other words, I won.

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👤︎ u/VinceCully

📅︎ Feb 15 2016

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Everyone seems to think next year will bring back some comforts of normalcy

I’m not so convinced though since 2021 is guaranteed to be an odd year

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👤︎ u/medimanager

📅︎ Dec 31 2020

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My cat is so comfortable he went into a comma

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👤︎ u/chillyhellion

📅︎ Nov 30 2020

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I read that Shakira struggles to sleep and get comfortable in bed.

Apparently its because her hips don’t lie

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👤︎ u/Folically-endowed

📅︎ Nov 26 2020

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I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife

My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Nov 14 2020

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I will have a very comfortable corpse bed when I die

It will be memory foam

I have strong memories

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👤︎ u/ForbiddnSnacc

📅︎ Nov 01 2020

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I went to a restaurant and when I sat down the waiter asked "comfortable"?

I said "no, comeforfood"

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👤︎ u/invisible_being

📅︎ Sep 10 2020

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My girlfriend and I always disagree whether tea or coffee is superior, she said tea will always be there to comfort you, I said...

Tea leaves

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👤︎ u/TheKiwiBlitz

📅︎ Aug 17 2020

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Why couldn't the meteor sit down comfortably?

Huge asteroids.

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👤︎ u/WantedDadorAlive

📅︎ Oct 10 2020

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Comfortably Numb

👍︎ 3k

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👤︎ u/makersmark12

📅︎ Dec 15 2019

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What did the officer say to comfort the foreigner he was arresting?

Don’t worry! These cuffs were designed for two-wrists.

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👤︎ u/Sonicxwwe

📅︎ Sep 13 2020

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I’ve heard southern comfort is nice,

Because normal comfort just tastes like fabric softener!

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👤︎ u/Nymphomanius

📅︎ Aug 23 2020

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My girlfriend and I bought a new mattress. When we got home and set it up, we were unsure about whether or not it would be comfortable enough.

She said, “Let’s sleep on it.”

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👤︎ u/DeniedScout

📅︎ Aug 28 2020

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I wrote a book about the most comfortable ways to sleep in a coffin.

They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.

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👤︎ u/MrsNacho8000

📅︎ Jul 24 2020

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My son asked me, “Because of the pandemic, I’m on the computer 12 hours a day. Is that bad?”

Me: That can’t be comfortable. Try a chair instead.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Jan 25 2021

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I hear that Neil Armstrong was very comfortable when he landed on the Moon.

And from the pictures I saw, his suit does seem like it has a lot of space inside

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👤︎ u/SuperDave-1

📅︎ Jun 20 2020

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My daughter wants a boyfriend, but hasn't been asked out yet. To comfort her, I bought her a little lamb, and named it "Relation".

It's officially her first relationsheep.

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👤︎ u/dahublubsdamub

📅︎ Feb 15 2020

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Why was the writer comfortable in the army?

He was familiar with the magazines.

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👤︎ u/FalconReign

📅︎ Jul 17 2020

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Too many apostrophes for comfort.

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👤︎ u/orlanthi

📅︎ Apr 02 2020

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Keep safe during this pandemic and use an old padded bra to make yourself a comfortable mask. Just make sure you use the left cup...

Because if you use the right one you will look like a right tit.

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👤︎ u/Astoran15

📅︎ Apr 10 2020

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He’s feline a lot more comfortable.

👍︎ 4k

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ May 12 2018

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I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be.

But sofa so good.

👍︎ 3k

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Aug 19 2018

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What do you call a cow that's comfortable to sit and relax on?

A Cowch

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👤︎ u/Kerlandays

📅︎ Apr 08 2020

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What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

They're, there, their.

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👤︎ u/cyphr0st

📅︎ Aug 02 2019

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I have the best prostrate doctor.

Every time he examines me, he puts both hands on my shoulders to comfort me.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Jan 15 2021

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, “What’s with the steering wheel? That can’t be very comfortable.”

The pirate replies, “Aye, it’s driving me nuts.”

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👤︎ u/petersock

📅︎ Nov 12 2019

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I don't think I'll ever find a stable job

To be honest I'm not too comfortable around horses.

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👤︎ u/APunchToThePuss

📅︎ Nov 17 2020