My patient wanted his bedding fixed, and when I did, I found remainders of his lunch.
Turns out, he was resting in peas.
My horse ate all the bedding in the stable
Someone once told me they loved absolutely all kinds of bedding.
It was a real blanket statement.
Getting the bedding down
So, short version of a long story...
We lost our home in the Paradise, CA Camp Fire Nov 8, 2018. My wife was on the phone with our daughter who is in college, discussing new bedding for the new house.
They had been at it for quite a while, when I said, "Duvet have anything you like? It would be a sham if they didn't..."
Silence on the phone, then, "dad, just stop."
"Ok," I said, "Just get everything down that you like."
Sigh....
One of my better moments as a dad!
I hope this is not a bed pun
What does Wonder Woman do before she goes to bed?
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
How do you make a water bed bouncier?
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
Seven dwarves were all in bed, feeling Happy.
When Happy got out, they all felt Grumpy !!
Last night as I lay in bed staring at the stars I thought to myself
Where the heck is the ceiling?
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed
Why did the tree moo?
Because there was a cow stuck in it!
What was Pinocchio doing in bed?
So I was laying in bed last night, looking up at the stars.
Then I realised. Where the f*** is my roof?
Every dad going to bed after midnight:
Come on, honey. We haven't done it all year!
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
I should've gone to bed at least 30 minutes ago...
But I suppose everybody's hindsight is 2020.
What do gingerbread men put on their beds?
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
If a child is refusing to go to bed
Are they resisting a rest?
What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed?
What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed?
What bed time story is a favourite among all trees?
what happens when "N" goes to bed?
What do you call a police officer who refuses to get out of bed?
Turn your sofa into a sofa bed immediately....
....by forgetting your wife's birthday.
I bought a new bed last week
I sleep so much bedder now
My wife asked me when I thought I was going to get out of bed
Told her I would sleep on it
I read that Shakira struggles to sleep and get comfortable in bed.
Apparently its because her hips don’t lie
Did you hear about the pregnant bed-bug?
It's having babies in the spring.
They never told me that getting older mad eeverything hurt when you get out of bed
I guess that’s why it’s called being a groan-up
Nothing really mattress, couldn't chair less
I decided to read my dictionary in bed last night, but I didn't finish it.
Before we go to bed, my wife always recites the members of the round table..
Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug??
She’s going to have her baby in the spring!
A Bull and a cow were getting ready for bed.
The bull insistent on having sex until the female cow replied.
“ Honey I’m not in the moood.”
I uh I’m gonna go now.
What dose a spy do before bed
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
How do you make your water bed bouncy?
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?
I said “It’s pasture bedtime”.
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..
I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.
What does a CIA agent do when he goes to bed ?
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
How do you make water bed more bouncy
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
How do you make a water bed more bouncy
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
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