When you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom

That's a very important fact I just read and wanted to share with you guys. Buying beds is a serious topic.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FattySuperCute
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14
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Wife asked why I left a ladder in the bedroom.

I told her it was to help me get up in the morning.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NotSoSasquatchy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26
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My bedroom light just went out.

I have no idea where it's going.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 25
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Bedroom seasoning

Babe & I tried to spice things up so as to improve our sex duration

But as a 2 mins guy I came on thyme, as usual

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Farmzy_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04
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My wife treats me like a baby, both in the bedroom and out.

She's my significant other mother.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 18
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You should not date an American woman if she hangs the flag of China in her bedroom

That is a big red flag.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/atom644
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 12
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I looked outside my bedroom window and wondered why it was so dark outside

and then it dawned on me

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Burning_Toast998
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26
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Murdering your brother is fratricide, and your father would be patricide, but in the bedroom is...

Mattress-side.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jakeprops
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 30
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There was this kinky burglar who would sneak into people's bedrooms to give them a pedicure as they slept. .

He was a clip toe maniac

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AustralianGroan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21
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I walked into my bedroom and stepped on her bra

It was a boobie trap

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/agarcia128
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27
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When you have a clap light in your bedroom

rough sex also becomes a rave...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ice2257
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 28
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Tree: Hey, Boulder, what do you think I should be when I grow up? Boulder: You would make a wonderful bedroom furniture set.

Tree: Yes. Yes I wood. Thanks Boulder, you rock.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/baconaboot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 20
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How do I make my wife moan and groan in the bedroom at night?

I read her r/dadjokes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Phroedrick
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12
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I woke up in the middle of the night to see the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom

At first, I was afraid. I was PETRIFIED

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tyroneshoelaces121
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

โ€œYou rotten bastard," says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 36
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bot_10
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Did you hear about the young genie who got a job and moved out of his parents' lamp to a one bedroom necklace?

He was independant.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 562
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NickNail5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Know what my kids' bedroom and soccer player Lionel have in common?

They're both Messi.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CAdamH
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Carried our dog into the bedroom where my daughter was on the playstation today...

... said to her with a very sad look on my face "I'm going to have to put the dog down". She looked horrified and almost in tears and asked "why?"... "Because she's getting heavy" I said as I put the dog on the floor and walked away.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 210
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NZOC
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked upโ€ฆ

Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Dad'.

With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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I've been thinking of adding a bedroom and a bathroom on top of my house,

but that's another story

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tobias_drundridge
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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I just finished replacing the glass in my bedroom window

It was a real pane

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Payasin70
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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My son asked me why I was taking his bedroom door off the hinges.

We've updated our privacy policy.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 989
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fukhed69
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2018
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In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?

The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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I got an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my COMPLETE surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.

I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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I tripped over my wife's bra left on the bedroom floor last night...

Damn boobie traps

๐Ÿ‘︎ 103
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dacs1306
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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LPT: If you can't afford to heat your bedroom there are some places in the room that are warmer then others.

The corners for example are always 90 degrees

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/diviner_of_data
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Be careful when dating someone who has the flag of the USSR in their bedroom

It's a big red flag

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rikeus
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2019
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Did you hear about the PI that was washing his bedroom?

When he saw the pillows he took the case!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StupidDogYuMkMeLkBd
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2019
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My wife walked into our bedroom while I was napping and yelled "It's time to leave, get up!"

I said "Sssshh! These are my sleeping quarters" and pointed to some change I had on the bedside table. She was stunned, then she groaned and walked out.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WrexKwonDo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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Girlfriend and boyfriend in bedroom together:

G: Iโ€™m going to the bathroom

B: Fine...

G: Hey! Thereโ€™s a turd in the toilet in the shape of the letter U

B: Donโ€™t you understand?

G: Hmm?

B: I dumped you

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AJ-Naka-Zayn-Owens
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2019
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My bedroom is really crowded

Might need a turtle to wipe the floors!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ActiveAnxiety9
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?

He nuts and bolts

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said โ€œLetโ€™s tackle this now rather than laterโ€ I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said

There was this heavy dresser and my dad said โ€œLetโ€™s tackle this now rather than laterโ€ I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said โ€œId rather lift itโ€

He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nakedurlrobot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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It's 90 degrees in my bedroom my right now and my friend wanted to watch a video together
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lord_Theren
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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I need a new fan for my bedroom so I tried using this gift card at Boston Pizza. They did not make me a fan.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DanSag
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2018
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Went to see my French friend, but when I got there he said there were no bedrooms left and I had to sleep in the basement.

Oh well, c'ellar vie.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Decided to turn things up a notch in the bedroom by seasoning my junk.

Turns out it's just a waste of thyme.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spitting_Moose
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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What is an aging magician's best friend onstage and greatest enemy in the bedroom?

Misdirection

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Evilmd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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I walked into the bedroom today and tripped over my wifeโ€™s bra...

It was a booby trapโ€ฆ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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I spent months convincing my wife that I was going to paint our bedroom white..

In the end I just painted it red.

It was all a rouge

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kerrigannn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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What did the lesbians use for their bedroom floor?

Tongue and groove.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cojiro14
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
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Intense in the Bedroom

My fiance and I were getting ready for bed. I was the first one to climb under the covers. For some reason it seems to be really cold when I first climb in, so I start rolling around frantically to generate some heat.

My fiance walks into the room and gives me a puzzled look.

> Her: Wow. You're looking intense, honey.

> Me: I'm not intense! I'm in a blanket!

The look on her face and the long groan was priceless.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/themadnad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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My friend helped me carry a life-size wooden elephant into my bedroom.

"thanks for the help" i said

"Don't mention it"he said.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/themannamedme
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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How do tiny bakers spice it up in the bedroom?

Roll playing.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/saywhat23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 29 2016
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A woman's mattress escaped from her bedroom, smashed up her belongings, and ran away with her husband

She always had problems controlling her Tempur

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EveryoneSadean
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
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In the bedroom, you can call me a mischievous seafaring Trojan on a quest

Because I like to get Argonaughty

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IAMA_Printer_AMA
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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What kind of fruit does a teen age girl whose father sits out side her bedroom door with a loaded shotgun eat?

cantaloupe

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/crsbeatz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
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Cajoling the wife into the bedroom today...

We haven't had sex all year!

She groaned.

Still no nookie ๐Ÿ˜ข

Edit. Erm scratch that! ๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cLIntTheBearded
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
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My SO needs the bedroom door locked at night. I've never *not* locked it, but he checks. I asked why he didn't trust me...

He said, "I don't know, I guess it hinges on some things."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mkwise13
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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My new bedroom

Its just so bear http://i.imgur.com/RuAfKJ0.jpg?1

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rawr24dinosawr
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2014
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Dad walks into bedroom with a glass of ice water for me...

Proceeds to shake glass so the ice makes a sound like a maraca. "That's cool! Get it? Cool?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/audacias
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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I was able to get an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my complete surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.

I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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