So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCW. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed.... Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.

I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...

So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.

She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."

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👤︎ u/izzy10200
📅︎ Dec 05 2019
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My fiance's dad posted this on her sister's Facebook wall after building a shelf for her dorm room.
👍︎ 519
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📅︎ Nov 01 2013
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My dorm room has no heat

My mom was worried. She told me to make sure I have plenty of blankets on my bed.

I told her I had it covered.

👍︎ 115
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📅︎ Nov 19 2014
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Dorm-mate wondering what kind of pasta to buy for dinner.

I told him to think of all the "pastabillities"

👍︎ 24
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📅︎ Jan 14 2015
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I heard this gem while moving out from my freshman dorm

I do a lot of fly fishing now a days, but I still don't catch too many flies.

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📅︎ May 19 2014
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We were talking about dorming...

So for reference, I got into the one dorm in my university that somehow doesn't have air conditioning. My dad was talking about the logistics of bringing one or even two fans + an AC unit to keep my room fine. He then says... well at that point you'll have enough fans to start a fan club.

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Jul 02 2016
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My girlfriend was having rough morning getting ready for class... I don't think I helped

So my girlfriend and I are both in college and I'm at her dorm waiting for her to get ready for class. She takes off her glasses and starts looking through her drawer when she says "Aw why did I do this to myself? I ran out of contacts"

I go "Babe, if it's more friends that you need, we can go out tonight and meet new people"

After the usual eye roll she goes "No I wanna see"

To which I reply, "Why would you want a C? I'm shooting for at least a B or an A in all of my classes"

That was probably the heaviest sigh I've ever heard from her

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/GuexDota
📅︎ Feb 10 2016
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Got my girlfriend with this one.

So my girlfriend calls me and asks if I can bring her some of my tide detergent pods because she is out of detergent. So I go over to her dorm and I brought a few extra and as I give them to her I say "here are a few extra to tide you over until you get more detergent." And she rolled her eyes and told me to get out but it was worth it

👍︎ 794
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📅︎ Feb 12 2016
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Dad Buys Drill Bits

(at the hardware store)

Dad: "Hey, look! Boring Drill bits!"

Me: "Cool, I have a set in my dorm"

Dad: (calls over employee) "Excuse me 'mam. I see you have boring drill bits..."

Me: (oh god, here it comes)

Dad: Do you have any interesting drill bits?

👍︎ 285
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👤︎ u/Dyxlesci
📅︎ Feb 16 2014
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My mom is a dad

So we are out shopping for college dorm stuff, and I tell her "I'm really having a hard time deciding which pillow to choose"

"Perhaps you should sleep on it"

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👤︎ u/omgshoed
📅︎ Jun 27 2014
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Which collegiate insects are the laziest?

Dorm ants

👍︎ 35
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📅︎ May 11 2015
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During university move out

I'm moving out of my dorm room this morning to go home for the summer, and my dad is up to give me a hand. There's an elevator that we're taking so I don't have to take my cart down the stairs, and we're packed in with five or six other people. One of them looks at the wall of the elevator and notices that somebody has written "Hannah" on it, and says "What was Hannah doing in here?"

Me: "Writing on the wall, from the looks of things."

Other person: "Well, can't argue with that."

My dad: "So you're saying you can see the Hannah writing on the wall?"

All: groan

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👤︎ u/teuast
📅︎ Jun 13 2015
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Dad joked my friends at lunch one day.

I was sitting with some friends at lunch and one was asking if he could crash in another's dorm that night. He explained that he didn't have any supplies for the night.

Friend: "That's alright, I have some shampoo for you."

Me: "Oh yeah? Well I've got real poo!"

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Jun 29 2015
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Father helping son assemble a bike.

My dad shipped up a bike to my dorm and I got everything put together except the handle bar (there was a missing piece) and I texted him to tell him the situation. Here's how the conversation went.

Me: I think I got most of it... but I feel like I'm missing something cause I can't attach the handlebar.

Dad: Sounds like you just need to get a handle over the situation

Me: Oh dear... -.-

Dad: Haha I'm just... yanking your chain.

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Sep 19 2014
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My dad come over for Parent's Weekend

We were driving to Target to pick up some stuff for my dorm:

Dad: Where do I take a left?

Me: Right here

Dad: I thought we were turning left?

👍︎ 17
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📅︎ Sep 21 2013
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He doesn't often make dad jokes, but when he does...

My dad helping me (sheltered 17yr old girl) move into my dorm freshman year of college, when I discover a box of condoms he packed in with my office supplies.

Me: Dad, what's this doing here?

Dad: Better safe than sorry, I want you to keep them just in case.

Me: (laughing) don't worry Dad, boys have cooties.

Dad: (serious) I know. That's what the condoms are for.

👍︎ 16
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👤︎ u/ms-morbid
📅︎ Aug 28 2013
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Dad shared this one with the family right before my choir concert

It was towards the end of the semester and my parents had come to my university to see my choir concert as well as pick up some of the things from my dorm I didn't need any more. I went back to my dorm to get my bicycle and the replacement tire I was supposed to put on the bike but never got around to it. To make things easier, I put the tire around my neck and across my chest so I could wheel the bike to the campus center to meet up with my family and my boyfriend. As I'm walking up to them, my dad looks me up and down and says "Are you sure that's the proper atTIRE?"

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/yartenic
📅︎ Jun 08 2014
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