I've run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead
I run out of toilet paper...
Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"
My response: "144? That's a gross"
What did one toilet say to the other?
I caught my son playing in the toilet
I can’t blame him, it’s in the name.
So my airports fell in the toilet
Where did the Terminator find toilet paper?
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What is it called when you sit on a toilet?
Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?
He wanted to pot the brown.
What do u call a cushion on the toilet seat?
A stool softener
Thieves have broken into and stolen all the toilets at the Police Station
Detectives have nothing to go on
I have a fear of automatic toilets.
They scare the crap out of me
What did the Australian say to the toilet?
Why do you never let a cephalopod use your toilet?
Because they leave squid marks
With all the shortages, we've been forced to buy the John Wayne toilet paper.
It's rough, tough, and don't take shit off anyone
I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers...
So I said to Arnie: "Where did you get those toilet rolls?"
He said: "Aisle B, Back."
This pandemic got so bad that I had to buy used toilet paper.
It was a shitty situation.
Running out of toilet paper, in a time like this, makes sense
I always knew we would wipe ourselves out
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg
Still no toilet paper at the store today...
My dad said they’re wiped out
I went to the toilet
You can see that I didn't do a period, not very good at my poonctuation
Ran out of toilet paper and am now wiping with lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
There are two reasons you shouldn't drink toilet water
Number one, and number two
So today I fell asleep on the toilet and my two sons love to pretend they are cowboys they saw I was asleep and they put something on my head
When I woke up I realized that there was a bounty on my head
What do you call a dinosaur that uses cheap toilet paper?
Thanks! I’ll be here the next two months!
How do get my toilet so clean??
I scrub the shit out of it.
Someone stole all the toilet seats at the police station.
The police are trying to find the thief but they have nothing to go on.
I ran out of toilet paper the other day, and have been using newspaper since...
And man, the Times are tough!!!
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack
In regards to the toilet paper shortage in Australia
The entire stock - wiped out
Someone toilet papered my house last night
A mysterious thief has stolen all the toilets from the local sheriff's office.
The police have nothing to go on.
Did you hear about the fly on the toilet seat?
My wife yelled at me to put the toilet seat down
I can’t even remember why I was carrying it around
Do you know why people are buying up all the toilet paper?
Because people are losing their shit.
Why was the toilet kicked out of class?
Hey dad, do you know the real reason everyone stocked up on toilet paper?
No clue son, why?
Because an asteroid might hit us and paper beats rock.
I ran out of toilet roll so am reduced to wiping my butt with lettuce leaves.....
I fear it's just the tip of the iceberg.
How can you tell when a toilet may have a virus?
What do you call the toilet of a king with a gambling addiction?
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
My toilet told me it needed to be plunged
But I knew it was full of crap.
My friend who lives in Detroit had his toilet stolen.
Can’t have shit in Detroit
I don't know why people are rushing to buy toilet paper.
Personally, coronavirus has me scared shitless.
Before he died my grandad used to keep a secret cash stash in the toilet cistern.
In the end he was just throwing money down the drain.
Ever hear about the toilet that suffered from PTSD?
They told their therapist they've seen some shit.
The people who bought all the toilet paper are special!
They have the hoard immunity.
Did you hear that due to the high demand for toilet paper they are going to allow it to be used as currency?
Have you seen the documentary series about stand up toilets?
No? Surprising. Urinal of them.
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
What’s the max amount of toilet paper you can have?
A butt load.
From my pops. He’s very proud.
What’s the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding?
Did you hear about the guy that flushed himself down the toilet?
If you always sing happy birthday on the toilet.
Technically you're always right.
I put the last roll of toilet paper on the dispenser today.
I know someone who mailed toilet paper to people in need
They thought he was pretty Charmin.
42M with toilet paper seeking female with hand sanitiser ...
... for some good clean fun
I told my bf our toilet is clogged.
Trying to grab some toilet paper among the crowd at Costco was really traumatic.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974.
He just scares the shit out of it.
Why aren't there more dad jokes about toilet paper?
Because they're tear-able
If you slide around too much on the toilet seat
You might get a turd degree burn.
Single man with toilet roll seeks single woman with hand sanitizer..
Looking for good clean fun!
Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer
So, I said to Arnie Schwarmaswagger, "Where did you get those toilet rolls?"
He said, "Aisle B, back."
Drug cartels have been turning to toilet paper instead of narcotics for profits.
I guess you can say the crack has been wiped out clean
Run out of toilet paper and having to use lettuce leaves
I'm really annoyed. And this is just the tip of the iceberg!
You know who buys up all the toilet paper?
My dad walked in tonight from shopping and probably told the best dad joke of the century. He didn’t want me to tell anyone, bit jokes on him too!
Apparently, new government advice in light of the toilet paper shortage is to use lettuce leaves when using the toilet.
It's the tip of the iceberg (courtesy of my dad).
404: Toilet Paper not Found
People who have no toilet paper have only themselves to blame
They should have bought some before the shit hit the pan
Toilet paper companies have decided against increasing production to meet current demands.
They said it would make business plunge.
Why does everyone keep buying toilet paper?
Because they're scared shitless
I don't mind people stocking up on toilet paper...
They're just getting ready for a really shitty week
My favorite toilet paper was discontinued. Nobody prepared me for how much of a pain in the ass it is to find a new favorite.
What do you call a Spanish man who ran out of Toilet Paper during Lockdown?
We bought extra toilet paper for the party.
It's for the party poopers.
My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!
They called it a "Jury Summons."
For those hoarding mouthwash: Remember that you should never flush Listerine® down the toilet.
What comes out of a lawyer's toilet?
With the run that everyone's making on toilet paper...
you'd think it was a precious commode-ity.
When places ran out of toilet paper people started buying paper towel instead
These memes on toilet paper
Are getting really shitty
If we run out of toilet paper due to this crisis.
Using newspaper, might be the new headline.
So I asked Arnie, "Where'd you find the toilet paper? He said,
Where did the terminator find toilet paper?
Where did the terminator find toilet paper?
What do you call a Spanish man who ran out Toilet Paper during Lockdown?