The local police station has had its toilet stolen

Officers have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?

They had nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
To the people who haven’t gone to the toilet in 2021

Why are you still holding onto last year’s shit?

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole all the toilets from the police station.

They had nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VisualEyez33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Someone stole the toilet at the police station last night

Cops have nothing to go on

πŸ‘︎ 199
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...

The 'Times' are rough

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...

Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ripmylasagna
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BilhoeBaggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I threw up in the toilet
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Starting the new year on the toilet, posting this...

I guess you could say it's a crappy start

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAtlasComplex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...

It was a clog.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Daffy Duck went to Porky Pig’s house. When he arrived he used the bathroom, but there wasn’t any toilet paper. Daffy yelled for Porky and Porky replied:

Bidet bidet bidet, that’s all folks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.

I thought, β€œI don’t have time for this shit.”

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you use to draw a toilet?

A number 2 pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are some old toilets so wise?

.

Because they've seen MANY moons!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebeljah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the 50 yard line and a toilet have in common?

Best seat in the house.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deerkiller14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My toilet must be dutch...

Because it's always clogging

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcharneski
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.

"That shit is getting old," I told him.

PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my toilet.

A detective came to the house, but he found nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in the crack

(Courtesy of my son!)

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Essentially, anytime a new toilet is christened you are "Going where no man has gone before."
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why aren't Australians hoarding toilet paper?

Bidet, mate!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katskratched
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I call my toilet the jim instead of the john

That way I can tell people I go to the jim every morning.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I apologized to my toilet this morning.

He doesn’t even get paid, but he has to put up with all this shit.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend told me as I walked in β€œhey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slebsta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she wants to put a cross over the toilet.

I said, holy shit, that's a great idea!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gottabtru
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I think my toilet's talking to me.

I think I might be schitzophrenic.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyZillion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
As I sat on the toilet late for work I thought..

I dont think have time for this shit

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aillemac433
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I saw a man throw his toilet of the balcony

some shit really went down

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Tigger see when he looked in the toilet?

Pooh

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scraffe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.

They’re wiped out.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Entree_The_Giant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the toilet paper jump of the building?

To quickly get to the bottom...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What Happens If You Are Sitting on the Toilet at 11:59 and the Clock Strikes Midnight?

Same shit, different day.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper

To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahamsoomro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
There's an epidemic of exploding toilets at police stations.

Cops have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet

He was looking for Pooh

Old I know...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mlrous
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station

Investigators have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 370
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/javerthugo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyZ92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road???

It was stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daymondotcom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it was stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daashaina
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.

I thought, β€œI don’t have time for this shit.”

πŸ‘︎ 266
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It was stuck in a crack

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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