Why did the US invade the toilet?

Because it had oil in it.

T oil et.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/butyl_bladder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_C_Citizenz
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper, so I used newspaper instead...

The Times are rough.

πŸ‘︎ 881
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?

Urine trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aksurah
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
NEWS FLASH! The toilet has been stolen from the local police station.

Police say they've got nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I’m stuck on the toilet!

Call the squat team.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty-Slippers
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.

No one gives a crap.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greedydita
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
How do you align a toilet?

Keep it flush with the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bballkj7
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Always be aware of your surroundings. Even on your midnight toilet trips.
πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuggle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
I was sick and tired of my wife forgetfully leaving her feminine hygiene products in the toilet, so I confronted her

She immediately flushed with embarrassment.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...

...I don’t have time for this crap!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exit_row
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?

A Urinal cake.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/agentvision
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...

But they’re a solid number 2.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
My son and I are very immature when he is sitting on the toilet.

I asked him:

If you pooped up into the air, would it be skyarrhea?

If you pooped after eating a pastry, would it be piearrhea?

If you pooped in the middle of the grocery store, would it aislearrhea?

If your poop was painful, would it be cryarrhea?

If you couldn't poop, would your friend ask you to just tryarrhea?

If you didn't actually have to poop, but said you did, would it be liearrhea?

If you were a scientist who had to take a poop, would it be Bill Nyearrhea?

If you pooped in an airplane, would it by flyarrhea?

If you pooped while working for a secret government agency, would it be spyarrhea?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?

To get to the bottom...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shiden93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.

It was a shitshow.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wilsoca
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"

Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarfbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
What's a turd next to the toilet?

A pressing matter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kayniaan
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?

Multiply

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeGuyGaming
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
My kid told me he had a problem. He was afraid of the toilet, but really had to go poop.

I told him it'll work itself out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchygreymatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
Stolen toilets
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
I always hate having to unblock the toilet

I’m never quite ready to take the plunge

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?

Because it was not agent's toilet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I smoke my weed on the toilet

I'm high on pot

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan2024
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.

It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
The blockage of the Suez shipping canal is going to cause a worldwide shortage of toilet paper....

Unfortunately I ran out of toilet paper already so started using lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo....

Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself....

I'm getting too old for this s**t.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
Why does the toilet have ptsd

Because it has seen some shit

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Forgotten_Orokin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.

It was clogged.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
I feel bad for toilets

They go through a lot of shit

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/super-effingnova
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
I sat on the toilet, angry, exhausted, and late for work.

I said to myself, β€œI don’t have time for this shit.”

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
Someone has stolen every toilet at city hall!

The police have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
When my grandkids ask, "Grandpa, how did you survive in 2020 when there was no toilet paper?"

I'm going to try them, "We had go outside & drag our butts across the lawn. ( Like the dog does on the carpet.)

Up hill!

Both ways!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Why did the skunks go to the toilet at the same time?

Because friends stink together!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nat20_on_a_D100
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the street?

Because he got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DinoRugido24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Someone stole the toilet from the police station

They have nothing to go on

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/misfitfricky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drlawrie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
All the toilets in the police station have been stolen!

Unfortunately, the cops have nothing to go on...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
The local police station has had its toilet stolen

Officers have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 174
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole the toilet at the police station last night

Cops have nothing to go on

πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vancity1985
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.