My dad just told me his joke about seasoning a pot roast.

It's about thyme.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 45
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shaunj656
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea

I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/northernsou
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Why canโ€™t Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate?

They are both cauldron.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 314
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kabukimansanjoe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Wife: โ€œWhich pot should I use for spaghetti?โ€

Me: โ€œThe right oneโ€ Wife: Evil Glare Me: โ€œThe wrong one?โ€ Wife: Eviler Glare Me: Walks out of room

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jangooni
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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What is the difference between a guitar , a Tuna and a pot of glue?

You can tun(a) guitar but cannot guitar a tuna

๐Ÿ‘︎ 56
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vanguard_The
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Iโ€™ve noticed I can tell when the ocean is smoking pot lately.

Iโ€™ve noticed I can tell when the ocean is smoking pot lately. How can I tell? When I see that the Tide is High.

Donโ€™t know if this counts as a dad joke.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Papa_G_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A watched pot never boils...

The water does.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HeyMyFellowDudes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.

They're both cauldron.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DoomRulz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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What did one pot head llama say to the other pot head llama ?

Alpaca bowl for you

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Deuce519
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that

I put it in the wrong place...... 3 years ago

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/newdoc123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why do they sell red wine reduction in stock pots?

Because doing it yourself is a paste of wine.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Joe4nna
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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I decided to try growing pot...

So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all. Just water it with Kettle One and wok away without really frying. Hopefully itโ€™ll produce a nice stock.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/andersonfmly
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Why can't Harry Potter differentiate between his best friend and a cooking pot

They're both cauldron

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vico__Staps
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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What happened to the midget who smoked a lot of pot ?

He got medium.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Abbsalon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
First pot here. Geddit?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/restrictedromantic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A cow stumbled into a pot field.

The steaks have never been higher.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/-Masderus-
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jarl_draven
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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Chicken Pot Pi
๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Loogoos
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I made an appointment with my dealer for some pot brownies

It was an edible arrangement

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sunmorgus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man walks in a bar and sees a pot of change labeled: "Make my horse laugh"

He ask the barman: "What is this?"

The barman answer: "Oh this, place a dollar and if you make my horse laugh you can keep the pot."

"Fair enough" says the man "I'll give it a try" and then places a dollar in the pot

He walks in the stable and after a minute, the horse starts laughing and just can't seem to stop.

The man grabs the pot of change and leaves.

One week later, the man comes back to the bar and can still hear the horse laughing.

A new pot of change has been placed on the counter labeled: "Make my horse cry"

Man says: "Fair enough", place a dollar in the pot and walks again in the stable.

The horse stops laughing and starts crying

The man comes back in the bar and takes the pot of change.

Before he gets a chance to leave, the barman ask him: "How did you make him laugh so much?"

"Oh, very simple" says the man "I told him: My dick is bigger than yours"

"And how did you make him cry?" Ask the barman

"Even more simple, I showed him"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Alexokirby
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Coffee maker asks the coffee pot...

"Where's all the coffee?"

Coffee pot replies, "We were mugged."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rick--Diculous
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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The leader of a cannibal tribe was slowly cooking a man in a pot

Cannibal Leader: "What did you do before we captured you?"

Man: "I was an editor for a newspaper"

Cannibal Leader: "Soon you will be editor-in-chief"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/professorf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What happened when Einstein smoked pot for the first time?

Mankind attained its highest form of intelligence.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why was the pot-head chiropractor getting so much business?

Everybody needed help rolling their joints

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lostintime31
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the KKK member bring to the pot luck?

Hot cross buns.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Houshweeni
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A pot to hiss in.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 194
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bignick1190
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Whatโ€™s the difference between a fish, guitar, and a pot of glue?

โ€œYou can tune a guitar but you canโ€™t tune a fishโ€

โ€œWhat about the pot of glueโ€

โ€œI knew youโ€™d get stuck on thatโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 99
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/InstaMemesBad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Harry Pot-ter
๐Ÿ‘︎ 55
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThePinkPanda205
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Stashed a little pot at work. Hopefully nobody finds it.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Badwolfgyt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do they call pot in France?

Ouiโ€™d

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kill_Them_Back
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man was arrested at the beach for feeding pot brownies to the seagulls. It was his third such arrest because, as he put it,...

โ€œI shall leave no tern unstoned.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zeroing-in
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
*POT TWIST
๐Ÿ‘︎ 217
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Stha118
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call pot on a roller coaster?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.

It's dishwasher safe!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the pot smoking church bell say at 1 AM?

BONGGGGGGGGG

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/squadly_santana
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blurose262
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If you consume pot brownies...

...does that make you a weedeater?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Algaean
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You get 4 in a pack, well played Pot Noodle!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CuteHalfling
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Someone accidentally mailed me 10 lbs of pot yesterday. So I did the right thing and called the cops.

They just came by and picked up all 4 pounds.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 347
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You know that expression "a watched pot never boils"?

Because when you watch it, you put it under pressure!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thenolanful
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Harry Potter canโ€™t tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend.

Theyโ€™re both cauldron.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 53
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wishyouamerry
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...

We called her Auntie Up.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the frog carrying a hot pot say?

Trivet trivet.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wannabereaper
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.

They're both cauldron.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 453
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.

They're both cauldron.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/H_G_Bells
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US,

He will be rolling in his grave.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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