Need stupid/funny potato puns.
I know this might not be the place to post a question but I was wondering if any of you punny peeps can help me out? I got some free stamps and I want to mail a few potatoes out to my relatives. I know this is pretty stupid and a waste of time but I'm laughing at myself just thinking what their reactions and responses will be when they check their mailbox and see a potato. I want to write a potato pun somewhere on the potato. So of you're willing to help me do this; please leave me your potato puns for me to read and decide which ones I'll be using. Thank you for reading.
Potato puns are a little tricky...
you need to stew on 'em a little bit, you can't just russet.
At a family dinner for Thanksgiving (Canada), everyone is firing off their best potato puns.
I pipe up with "Please, you guys, stop. If you keep this up, I'm going to die of Tuber-culosis."
The entire table emitted a collective groan at me, and one of my cousins just shook his head at me. No one made a potato pun again that night.
What do you get when you mix a penis, potato & a boat?
Why did the defensive lineman get so excited about a 25 cent coupon for a bag of potatos?
He's always looking for a quarterback sack.
What did one potato say to the other who wanted to prove everyone wrong?
“You sure have a chip on your shoulder”.
We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....
Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".
(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")
Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....
Why did the potato have to keep buying new lenses for his glasses?
His eyes wouldn't stop growing.
Why did the potato cough up blood?
Because it had tuber-culosis
What do you call a rude potato?
What do you call a mean potato?
What do you get when you cross a potato with a penis?
Did you hear about the anti-abortion potato named Richard?
They call him Dick tater for life.
What do you call a potato that looks like a penis?
What do you call a meditating potato?
What did one potato say to the other in the oven?
I know it’s getting heated but we can hash it out.
What do you call a couch potato that smokes a lotta weed?
How do you make potato bread?
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What do you call a potato that uploads videos?
Everything in existence is either a potato or not a potato
What did the Sweet Potato say when it gained consciousness?
Why was the man who removed 10 potato skins in 1 minute so attractive?
Scientists have discovered a new species of potato that has attained consciousness and become self aware.
They are calling them meta-taters.
While I was gardening a potato was watching me and criticizing my every move. He thought he was big stuff.
But I think he was just a commontater
WHICH POTATO RULES THEM ALL?
Why did the sweet potato cross the road?
So that it could be the other side.
Courtesy of my 6 year old. I’m so proud.
What do you call a wavering potato?
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.
You can say I'm agnocchic.
What do you call a fried potato who is being held hostage?
Did you hear about the men at the monastery who make fried potato crisps?
My dad once told me that if I put a potato in my swim trunks, I would attract more women...
He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front
What do you call a potato in a hotel room?
What did the potato get for their birthday?
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
What's a dog's favorite kind of potato chip?
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.
What internet job did the potato get?
What did potato say to the other potato?
Nothing, potatoes can't speak.
What do you call an award-winning potato snack?
What did one Potato Head ask the other Potato Head what was for dinner tonight
One said, “your lookin at it!!” 💀
What do you get when you mix a penis & a potato?