My dad just told me his joke about seasoning a pot roast.

It's about thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaunj656
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Roast me...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RossiRover85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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From my 8yr old: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsame_Daario
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pratojr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What do you say when someone roasts a person with reddish-brown hair?

Auburn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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How do you roast a midget?

By putting them in an oven

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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That's some prime rib roast rith there
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squidley7793
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MsSoperfec
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Do you know the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicmitchmtl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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Why do they call it rump roast?

Cause nobody wants to eat cow ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Draelix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What's the difference between roast-beef and pea-soup?

Anyone can roast Beef.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/death-to-turtles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can learn to roast beef.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Cooking a roast chicken in the oven but the potatoes aren't ready

They needed another ten minutes

My mum commented" That won't do the chicken any harm"

I responded with...

"It's already dead"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thejintymyster
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of a Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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You can roast beef,

But nobody can peanuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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In memory of my Dad, here’s his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonka88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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People say that self roasts should be rare

But i prefer them well done

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puzzlemaster1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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What did the meager bratwurst say to the superior side of roast beef?

What am I - chopped liver??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bullhead20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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british roast dinner
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katiebokan
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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What's the difference between roast potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can roast potatoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eastawat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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I’m proud of myself (title was roast chicken)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyson-vacuum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lykanthrocide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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Me: "Dad, why are you banging a hammer on the rib roast?"

Dad: "Just fixing dinner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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How do you roast a chicken?

Yo mama so fat, she couldn’t even cross the road!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mookster1338
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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I got the roast duck at a fancy tapas place downtown...

Boy, the duck might have been small but its bill sure was big.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShirtyManhole
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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Have you tried the new Sith Blend Roast Coffee?

It’s pretty good but it’s a bit on the dark side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FetusPicatta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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Santa's reindeer don't roast each other... they have rude-offs

If you don't get it, sleigh it out loud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patentpunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everybody can roast a beef ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SportsBrus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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The Comedy Roast Paradox
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardedNightmare
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
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So we're having a roast dinner; cue stupid dad joke.

Having roast pork for Sunday dinner, which needed to be scored to make crackling:

Mum: The meat needs to be scored.

Dad: 5 out of 10.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostunicorn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
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[REQUEST] I need roast jokes for middle schoolers.

Mods, if this is against the rules, I apologize. Feel free to remove and I'll try and find better luck on Google.

I'm a middle school teacher and my 8th graders are graduating on Thursday. They've been a great, wonderful class to have, but they always complain about lame my jokes are. I feel that the most suitable way to send them off would be, either on the last day of class or at their graduation ceremony, would be to send them off with their own individual dad roast from me. (Think Norm MacDonald at the Bob Saget roast).

If anybody has any good dad roast jokes that won't get me fired nor get misconstrued for bullying, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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I got in an argument about how long to keep a roast in the oven to cook it throughout.

The whole thing got pretty heated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnyrizzle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2017
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What do you call a deli that doesn’t serve roast beef?

New Delhi

I’ll be here all week

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DogAteProfile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
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My dad made a pork butt roast

And said, β€œI cooked butt!”

[For real. I’m sitting at the table right now.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minetruly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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Asked the barista if the dark roast was good

Barista: Some people say it tastes like dirt, but what do they expect, it was ground this morning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beccathebrandt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
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I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...

But I cooked it in a minute flat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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What's the difference between roast beef, pea soup, and glue?

Everyone can roast beef, but nobody can pea soup!

What about the glue?

I got stuck on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuzzWeedle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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When I'm sad, I make myself a pork roast. . .

That way I have a shoulder to cry on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlaveFlopata
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
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Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef, but not everyone can pee soup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinxxxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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What’s the difference between roast potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can roast potatoes...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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What did the dad say when he apprehended the man who stole a roast chicken from a supermarket?

There's no such thing as a poultry crime! (Stolen from a hero dad in country Australia http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/give-me-the-bloody-chicken-hero-dad-thwarts-chook-thief-outside-coles-20180109-h0fl5g.html )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cloverface
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
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Why did they think the new pig roast had mold?

It was a little green behind the ears!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
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Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeewild
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/number9spud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestJump1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup ?

You can roast beef but you can't pee soup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingpotato28
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup ?

You can roast beef. You can't pea soup.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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