Any good french toast puns?
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenofthesands
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2017
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I made some toast and refused to give our little doggo a bite. My kids asked why she looked so sad...

I told them she was lack-toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisWasTheLast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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I went to the zoo yesterday and I saw a piece of toast in a cage.

When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insideout97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
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Hey look, it is Toast Malone.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schmepsi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I had some delicious honey on my toast this morning.

Later as I walked past the hive where it came from I said "Thank you bees for making the best honey in the world." A few shouted back "It's good but we wouldn't say it was the best honey in the world."

Oh I thought, they must be humble bees.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23
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My grandpa just came over to my house with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. Miffed, I questioned, β€œWho's this guy?” Gramps chuckled and replied, "Who, him?"

"This is my hip replacement!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I’m not sure if I like toast.

On the upside, it’s buttered. But on the downside, it’s not.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinBender
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Me: I lost a piece of toast at the zoo.

My friend: so it’s bread in captivity?

Me: crying no it landed on the sidewalk.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
How does Darth Vader like his toast?

A little on the dark side

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GOATYGOATZ
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Whenever I eat burnt toast it makes me feel sick.

I guess I’m just black toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theheroofunicycle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
My wife says I shouldn't put so much jelly on my toast

But I can't help it, that shit's my jam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillingTime6
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?

. . . Space jam

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleChido
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I woke up this morning and saw a bird of prey in my backyard eating avocado toast and yelling β€œOk Boomer!”

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo today and saw a piece of toast in a cage? The zoo keeper told me...

That it's bread in captivity.

Sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkBlueMullet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
I used to know a guy who was all about getting his waffle in the morning. That's all he'd talk about! He'd even take people's toast out of the toaster and put in his waffles.

He's such an Eggo-maniac

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
I had a stack of 52 slices of toast this morning.

I ate an entire deck of carbs!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommyWiseaus_butt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Toast
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FBIagent67098
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Morrissey have on his toast?

I don’t know but Johnny Marr might

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maustin96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I made French Toast!
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeroissigma
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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I can’t eat burned toast

I’m black toast intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicokid80
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Just found out why my toast kept getting burnt

My toaster had pop-up blocker on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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He's toast
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpluscollective
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding

"Add some jam on it," he continued

(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)

πŸ‘︎ 976
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueenKyoko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the dark side... This joke was a little forced.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tokyo-dawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...

20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.

Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!

Sorry about my rye sense of humor...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimMarch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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My kids asked whether you smell burnt toast or burnt popcorn when you're having a stroke

I told them, "It's Different Strokes for Different Folks."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadraik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The person who invented toast

"Cook it again"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuddyGlass0506
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been eating toast to improve my self

I’m a breader person for it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironicplatypus84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
So at dinner tonight, my 9 year old says,"I'd like to make a toast"

"Where's the bread?"

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/denzien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The sequel to Ocarina of Toast
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monctonian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw a bird eating avocado toast.

It was a millenial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassWizard420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend's bakery burnt down last night. Now his business is toast
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ceji3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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What do printers put on their toast?

Paper jam.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadderHoshi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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JAM on toast
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMrJelly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Turns out butter makes plain toast better…

…but only margarine-ally so.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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From my actual Dad, about toast.

My toast is more about being a vehicle for butter than enjoying the bread.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chief_Awesome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do we put toppings on toast?

Because it tastes butter that way.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sethinator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked in on my two pieces of toast having sex

The pieces of toast were brother and sister, and their kid came out inbread

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fireballinc55
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to like french toast

But making it is such a pain

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JavaSwirl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I yelled at the waitress for burning my toast. I told her I will not stand for it!

I guess you could say I'm black toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Lack toast

I started to get sick after i stopped eating toast for a week, i went to the doctor and he told me i was lack-toast intolerent

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GS-11CHANNEL
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the piece of toast say to her kid when it was time to sleep?

It’s breadtime.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxStupidBusxX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Co-worker: My computer is toast, it's not good for anything

Me: You could eat it...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyBIII
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I eat toast a lot

It's my bread and butter.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dekudude3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
At breakfast, my wife: Honey, you forgot the French toast.

Me: Oops. Sorry. * raising glass* VIVE LA FRANCE!

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What does Ariel put on her toast?

Mermalaid.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Went to the zoo with my dad yesterday and saw a piece of toast in the monkey habitat.

He told me it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/764seca
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Hope she's not headed to Arizona, that thing is gonna be toast.
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/talha283838
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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I would like to propose a toast youtu.be/0i7EHJddMJw
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icwcydj
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I took my kids to the zoo today and we noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures...

I asked the keeper, β€œHow did that toast get into the cage?”

She replied, β€œIt was bread in captivity."

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
🚨︎ report
At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukepeterwatson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
How does Darth Vader like his toast cooked?

On the dark side

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karo-
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the man have to go to the hospital after he was denied his toast?

Because he was lac-of-toast intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KhandakerFaisal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the opposite of cinnamon toast crunch?

Antonym toast crunch

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Devin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
🚨︎ report
At our company's dinner, our CEO stood up and said "a toast to our company"

i don't understand why everyone else was so confused when i put my slice in his office the next day

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ppoong
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who gets upset when they don't have any toast?

Lack-Toast-Intolerant!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darrgn
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Does anyone here know how to toast toilet paper?

A friend told me it was possible but I’ve never been able to figure it out.

I only know how to brown it on one side.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_geko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife: Let's toast to our love!

Me: Let's Bruscetta!

Wife: ???

Me: It's toast PLUS!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peasantine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I served French Toast for dinner.

I served the kids their dinner and my son said, "I don't have enough!"
Me: Ah, but this is French Toast.
Son: I know. But I don't have enough.
Me: French Toast is made with an egg for every couple slices.
Son: I know.
Me: And what would French Toast call an egg?
Son: I don't know.
Me: Clearly, you have un Ε“uf on your plate.
Son (not even blinking): Daddy. Get me more French Toast and Topping. You are not funny.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alficles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a piece of toast in a zoo enclosure today...

It looked like it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlovescoffee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I’d like to make a toast...

places bread in toaster oven

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AetherAnaconda
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
This morning I burnt my toast but I was in a rush so I ate it anyway. It upset my stomach...

I must be black-toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr627990
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do slices of toast look alike?

Because they are breadren

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPantyThief
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Reviews say the toast it makes is always on the dark side
πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjbehrendt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2015
🚨︎ report
My uncle owned a bread factory then it burned to the ground, it was toast
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahdjhbdl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
We just got a new toaster oven. "The inaugural toast."
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alanjtory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2013
🚨︎ report
I was gonna have my toast dry...

...But I had a butter idea.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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Looks like the engine is toast
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnycanreddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Pest Toast please ignore (x-post from /r/evex)
πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Missed my school's graduation toast, so I made my own

http://imgur.com/gallery/pm5eOfk

edit: I'M NOT A FATHER BTW

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scuba_steve94
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2016
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me not to make her toast too dark at breakfast this morning...

"Why?" I asked, "Are you black-toast intolerant?"

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/With_a_G
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Made french toast for dinner and got my husband with this one

Made french toast for dinner and gave my husband his plate.

Him: "Yum, flapjacks!"

Me: "Nope, they're flap-jacques" :)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jxoxo17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I've been here a while now and I really like it. So I'll like to make a toast

Anyone got any bread? 🍞

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScreamingHawk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is it better to toast bread?

It burns calories.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MAuxLawson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Eating toast at a restaurant when I realize all the crumbs on my lap.

My friend: Well you've always been a crumby person.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/audrey_plaza
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
🚨︎ report
An egg, a piece of toast and a slice of bacon walk into a bar ...

... The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast in here".

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
🚨︎ report
I can't abide by not having toast

I'm lack-toast intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kindulas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy that can't consume milk and must have a piece of toast by him at all times?

Lack-toast intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Playa41
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Choice of Toast

I am a server and was waiting on a father and son. I ask the son if he'd like sourdough, wheat, or rye toast.

>Son: Wheat

>Dad: Really?

>Son: Why, what would you get?

>Dad: Rye

>Son: Rye?!

>Dad: Well, rye not?

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlelithops
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Champagne Toast

Girlfriend: "Who's ready for the champagne toast?" Me: "No thanks, I'll just have some butter on my toast."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmytroll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
🚨︎ report
I had two pieces of toast for breakfast this morning...

Because I'm lactoast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slidshocking_Krow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
A toast to nipples!

Without them, boobs would be pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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I like my toast on the dark side. imgur.com/qn2qXAj
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bisexual_Annie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
🚨︎ report
[Request] Dad jokes needed for wedding toast.

I have to give the toast as the Father of the Bride and I'd like to make it bit more entertaining than I am capable of on my own. Does anyone here have some dad level jokes that are good for the occasion? Maybe the Father of the Bride at your wedding made you laugh or groan?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgoflash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Toast (you all know where this is going, right?)

At dinner this evening, discussing the bread we were eating.

Me: I should have toasted mine before I put butter on it.

Dad: Here, I'll toast it for you. Raises glass "Here's to Hatgirl's slice!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hatgirlstargazer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Father of the Bride Toast this weekend

"Let me give you some advice for your new marriage. First, decide who will do the dishes. Because if you don't, your marriage will result in many dish-appointments."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GTA_Stuff
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
🚨︎ report
I went to my backyard this morning, and I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Dark Vader like his toast?

On the dark side

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkeltijs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in my backyard when I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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