Bagel Puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jake_Lefort
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....

I told them we only accept cash.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeetsampat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I went to a deli and said, I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese

The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomtomvissers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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What type of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel!

Credit to my 8 year old, I'm raising him right.

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/regiinmontana
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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What do you call a store that sells only bagels and donuts?

Hole Foods.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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What do you call a flying bagel?

A plain bagel. πŸ₯―

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Bagels
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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What do you call a female bagel?

A baguette

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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So if a bird lives by the sea it’s a seagull. If it lives by the bay it’s bagel.

So if it’s covered in slime, is it a googull?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtherUnameInShop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"

Ay poppy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thendofreason
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast?

Excuse me, but I'd like to propose a toast!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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What’s the only kind of bagel that knows how to fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrtipinfold
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Excuse me, why are there only donuts, bagels, and swiss cheese at this store?

Sir this is a Hole Foods.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fathertime108
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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How did the bagel shop owner get rid of the competition on his block?

He ran a pretty intense schmear campaign

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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How do you make Bagels?...

You use a little Judo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retrotone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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What do you deserve thats also a type of bagel?

EVERYTHING.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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What kind of bagel do pilots like?

Plain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deltron_zee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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Do you know that a religious person should have bagels for breakfast everyday?

They are as holy as food can get.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loopystring
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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What do you call a bagel that flies?

Plane bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllHailS2W
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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My wife and I were deciding what to eat for breakfast when she asked, β€œHave you ever tried raisin bagels?”

I replied, β€œI didn’t know you could raise bagels.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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A bagel is halloween the middle.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aka47Ro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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We are standing at Depoe Bay, Oregon watching the whales. I point at a bird (ironically), β€œlook Patty, a seagull!” My wife replies, β€œno, it’s a bagel.” β€œWhy is it a bagel?” β€œBecause it’s over the BAY!” That’s pretty funny, but...

The thing is she didn’t just make up this joke, but this is the first time I’ve heard it. We’ve been married for 18 years. That means that she’s been waiting for 18 years until we were near the ocean, at a bay, waiting for a seagull to fly over. The dad joke is above average, but statistically speaking, she has my respect 100%.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MahonriWY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Today I went to a college visit, and in order to speed up the line for food I just grabbed some butter for my bagel and put it in my pocket

My sister said, oh no, it almost fell out! You butter watch it! ;D

I’m so proud of her, I’ve raised her well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piiraka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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What type of bagels can fly

Plain bagels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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What is an airline pilots favorite type of bagel?

Plain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Petaa10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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I don’t know why everyone is so surprised at the reaction of the short guy in the bagel shop

It’s a well known fact that 6/7 dwarfs aren’t Happy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/havenlad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Protect your bagels.

Put lox on them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Customer: Can I buy a bagel with cream cheese?

Worker: No, we only take cash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTarJar
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."

Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UrMum9ay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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What kind of bagel kan fly

A plain bagel

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T_hornett
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane bagel

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpl3carrots
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_Saying
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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What do you call a Bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingandahalf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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What Bagel can fly? A "plane" Bagel.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crybot1402
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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What type of bagel can fly?

Plain Bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Project_Gold
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane one

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SHIL_Elijah
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJapanPeople
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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what kind of bagel can fly?

plane bagel

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WonderGamer6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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