Bagel Puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jake_Lefort
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UrMum9ay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
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How do you make Bagels?...

You use a little Judo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retrotone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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What do you deserve thats also a type of bagel?

EVERYTHING.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
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Do you know that a religious person should have bagels for breakfast everyday?

They are as holy as food can get.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loopystring
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel kan fly

A plain bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T_hornett
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpl3carrots
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
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What do you call a bagel that flies?

Plane bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllHailS2W
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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What do you call a Bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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What kind of bagel do pilots like?

Plain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deltron_zee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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A bagel is halloween the middle.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aka47Ro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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My wife and I were deciding what to eat for breakfast when she asked, β€œHave you ever tried raisin bagels?”

I replied, β€œI didn’t know you could raise bagels.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingandahalf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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We are standing at Depoe Bay, Oregon watching the whales. I point at a bird (ironically), β€œlook Patty, a seagull!” My wife replies, β€œno, it’s a bagel.” β€œWhy is it a bagel?” β€œBecause it’s over the BAY!” That’s pretty funny, but...

The thing is she didn’t just make up this joke, but this is the first time I’ve heard it. We’ve been married for 18 years. That means that she’s been waiting for 18 years until we were near the ocean, at a bay, waiting for a seagull to fly over. The dad joke is above average, but statistically speaking, she has my respect 100%.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MahonriWY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of bagels can fly

Plain bagels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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I don’t know why everyone is so surprised at the reaction of the short guy in the bagel shop

It’s a well known fact that 6/7 dwarfs aren’t Happy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/havenlad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Today I went to a college visit, and in order to speed up the line for food I just grabbed some butter for my bagel and put it in my pocket

My sister said, oh no, it almost fell out! You butter watch it! ;D

I’m so proud of her, I’ve raised her well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piiraka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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Protect your bagels.

Put lox on them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Have you heard about my store that only sells organic donuts, bagels, and swiss cheese?

We’re calling it Hole Foods.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CroqueMonsieur
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SHIL_Elijah
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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I’m following a new nutrition plan: only donuts and bagels.

It’s a hole food diet.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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What is an airline pilots favorite type of bagel?

Plain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Petaa10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the ghost put on his bagel?

Scream cheese

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prawncracker92
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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How do you keep a bagel safe?

Put lox on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gkassouf6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagels can fly?

Plane bagels!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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What kind of bagel can fly...

A plain (plane) bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmyb1104
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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What do you call a bagel that flys?

A plane bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/commonburst
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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What's an aerospace engineers favorite type of bagel?

Plane bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mileslim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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Daughter: β€œCan you make me a bagel?”

Me (waving invisible magic wand): β€œYou are a bagel!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wassermanjohn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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The donuts have been claiming that bagels are stealing their jobs

But bagels gotta earn their bread and butter somehow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_bearHead
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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On the door at my local bagel shop:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BettyBoda
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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Bagels

A few days ago, I told someone that we should change the name of plain bagels to flying bagels. She asked me why. I explained that they would be flying bagels because they were plain bagels. I repeated it five times before she got it. I'm 23 and have no kids. Help.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
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I don't trust everything bagels

They seem a little seedy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/59snomeld
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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I'm going to open a restaurant that serves donuts, bagels, and swiss cheese.

It'll be called Hole Foods.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elRobRex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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Why do prisons serve only plain bagels?

They're afraid the inmates will pick lox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turnpike37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
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Wife: Whole Foods has to carry bagels, right?

Me: Nah. They they all have holes in 'em.

Everyone in room: Audible groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshiebear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
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You hear about the new OB/GYN bagel shop?

It's called the Pap Schmear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidtheday
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the Jewish visitor eat a bagel?

Because Israeli hungry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ezaklycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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We were passing by a place called the Donut Bagel Cafe

My dad glances over and says "Be respectful, we're passing by a holey place."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelaserpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Sister: Can you make me a bagel?

Dad: Poof! You're a bagel!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fake_Name_6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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Puns on bagels

Anyone know some good puns for bagels?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NEVERUSEmeBLADE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
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Have you heard of a Bialy? Its half bagel, half muffin...

...It's a hybread.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcjgreen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2015
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What kind of bagel has wings?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fwipp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
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What do you call a caper that falls off your bagel?

...an ESCAPER!

Discovered this gem while Wife was carrying her bagel to the table and lamenting the caper that fell to the floor en route.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shyrac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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The guy at the bagel store got me.

I ordered eggs with a bagel on the side. He said "which side?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yismeicha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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Heard this dad joke from the person behind me in line at the bagel place this morning.

Guy behind the counter: "How would you like your coffee" Older guy ordering: "I'd like that in a cup please"

It was funnier because he thought he just told a million dollar joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dracion226
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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Here's one fresh from today: (as I'm eating a bagel) How do Jewish people keep their bagels safe?

They put lox on them. Badum-tsss...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snophie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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What Bagel can fly? A "plane" Bagel.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crybot1402
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of bagel can fly?

Plain Bagel

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Project_Gold
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane bagel

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_Saying
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
what kind of bagel can fly?

plane bagel

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WonderGamer6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJapanPeople
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

a plain bagel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookywen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
🚨︎ report
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plane bagel!

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Fart_Liquids
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What type of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LambSauce0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report

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