Who do you call when all of your cured salmon is stuck in the freezer?

The Lox Smith

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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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Advertisers for cream cheese are running schmear campaigns...

...and they should all be lox'd up for their capers.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ceelogreenicanth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Why are Jamaicans afraid of kosher delis?

They dread lox.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshik72
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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How do salmon keep people out of their homes?

With lox!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Where do they keep the most valuable salmon?

Under lox and key.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Protect your bagels.

Put lox on them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Uncle Kracker's order at the deli

"Give me roast beef, boys, and filet of sole. I also want lox on a Kaiser roll. That's all, today."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haberdashery2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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I don't trust everything bagels

They seem a little seedy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/59snomeld
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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Why can't seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they'd be called bagels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_presidents_son
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
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What do a locksmith and a Jewish deli owner have in common?

They always need to have back up locks (lox).

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piff1214
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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How do you keep a bagel safe?

Put lox on it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gkassouf6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Why do prisons serve only plain bagels?

They're afraid the inmates will pick lox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turnpike37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
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Dadjoked the girlfriend at breakfast...

I was struggling to open a package of smoked salmon.

Gf - You can't get it open?

Me - not without the key...

Gf - what key?

Me - the key for these lox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TapTapBam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2015
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Dad at work

I'm a server and at my restaurant we have an item called the lox and lox. I'm serving an elderly couple and the wife exclaims "ooo they have loxs!" The husband looks me dead in the eye and says "Does that come with any keys?"

He said it with such a straight face I almost didn't get it. I cracked up while his wife gave a loud sound of exasperation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dikbutjenkins
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
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Here's one fresh from today: (as I'm eating a bagel) How do Jewish people keep their bagels safe?

They put lox on them. Badum-tsss...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snophie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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