My Lockdown Activity
In lockdown, I decided to take up a new activity called 'quiet tennis'. It's like normal tennis but without the racket.
Since Lockdown started
I've only been telling inside jokes
During lockdown people have been choosing to wear no clothes at all.
The naturist groups report their members have doubled in size.
(Too subtle for a dad joke?)
After a year of lockdown and waiting, I just walked into a bar.
That’s me eliminated from the limbo championship.
Because of the covid-19 lockdowns, every morning for the past year, I announce proudly to my family that I’m going for a jog… and then I don’t.
It’s my longest running joke of the year.
Funeral homes might start displaying bodies of the deceased again after Covid-19 lockdown...
But that remains go be seen.
What's Elsa's favorite thing about lockdown during covid?
Ice-o-lation
My 9yr old came up with this one all by herself while watching Frozen.
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
I've been learning to moonwalk during lockdown.
I made some progress initially, but lately it just feels like I'm going backwards
Our local Lego Store finally reopened after lockdown.
People were lined up for blocks.
During the lockdown I'm wiping my banknotes with sanitizer and washing all the coins with hot soapy water.
I hope, I don't get arrested for money laundering.
Before this whole lockdown thing, I went to a musical.
I didn't like it. Too much sax and violins.
Being stuck at home during lockdown, I keep having these nightmares that my house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it the stalk home syndrome.
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
Breaking News: Cornwall has been placed in Tier 4 lockdown.
Hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrr rate has increased dramatically.
If you are feeling lonely during the Covid lockdown, why not buy some shares?
It’s always nice to have a bit of company.
Made it finally to the beach after lockdown and joyously shouted...
The U.K. lockdown is going to end...
It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!
...That's capital punishment!
Well we can't use tables due to lockdown.
I was hoping some anti-lockdown subs would appear in Popular...
... but they've all been quarantined.
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
Why are Ireland going into another lockdown?
Because their numbers keep Dublin
During lockdown I discovered that there are only 3 shops I need: Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.
My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
Apparently a town in South Wales is having greater lockdown restrictions imposed on it....
.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
I finally got a haircut today, after months, because of lockdown
It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my mind.
I was worried my tightwalking class would be cancelled because of the lockdown
What do you call a kid that turns 13 during lockdown?
Started a business building Yachts at home during the Lockdown..
..and the Sails have gone through the roof.
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...
In protest of these lockdowns...
I wont be getting my hair cut until they're lifted!
I'm surprised people in the Swedish capital are so reluctant to go on lockdown
You'd think they were used to being stuck home
Lockdown conversation travel puns
Me: You really cannot say when the lockdown will end, KENYA?
She: yeah, this SPAIN hurts
Me: stay home and be safe, whats the RUSSIA?
She: I am bored, VENICE this gonna end?
Me: At least your savings is DUBLIN right?
She: I give up, IRAN out of travel puns now
With everyone in lockdown, cases of Stuckhome syndrome are significantly increasing.
With so many places in lockdown, there have been more people than ever learning origami.
You might say interest has been in creasing
Of course I'm not. I'm going to stay at home. That has nothing to do with the lockdown though!
Being a plumber and out of work because of the lockdown I've started my own vegetable patch.
It's going really well and I've just noticed my first leek!
Due to the lockdown, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff in my town.
I don't really fancy doing yoga outside during lockdown
I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.
Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.
Stores are reopening after lockdown, and the Lego store has announced its reopening.
However, I recommend avoiding it, people will be lined up for blocks.
So with this lockdown in place
Does this make us all homies?
Since I can't travel because of the lockdown
I have been Washington's of DCs.
My neighbours kid has been learning Spanish during lockdown.
He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.
What jokes are allowed during lockdown
My 4-year old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown...
...he still can't say "please", though, which I think is "poor for four".
Edit: "Por favor" is Spanish for please. :)
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