Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
Being stuck at home during lockdown, I keep having these nightmares that my house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it the stalk home syndrome.
Breaking News: Cornwall has been placed in Tier 4 lockdown.
Hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrr rate has increased dramatically.
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!
...That's capital punishment!
The U.K. lockdown is going to end...
I was hoping some anti-lockdown subs would appear in Popular...
... but they've all been quarantined.
If you are feeling lonely during the Covid lockdown, why not buy some shares?
It’s always nice to have a bit of company.
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
Why are Ireland going into another lockdown?
Because their numbers keep Dublin
Well we can't use tables due to lockdown.
Made it finally to the beach after lockdown and joyously shouted...
During lockdown I discovered that there are only 3 shops I need: Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.
My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.
Apparently a town in South Wales is having greater lockdown restrictions imposed on it....
.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
I was worried my tightwalking class would be cancelled because of the lockdown
I finally got a haircut today, after months, because of lockdown
It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my mind.
Started a business building Yachts at home during the Lockdown..
..and the Sails have gone through the roof.
What do you call a kid that turns 13 during lockdown?
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...
What jokes are allowed during lockdown
In protest of these lockdowns...
I wont be getting my hair cut until they're lifted!
Lockdown conversation travel puns
Me: You really cannot say when the lockdown will end, KENYA?
She: yeah, this SPAIN hurts
Me: stay home and be safe, whats the RUSSIA?
She: I am bored, VENICE this gonna end?
Me: At least your savings is DUBLIN right?
She: I give up, IRAN out of travel puns now
Being a plumber and out of work because of the lockdown I've started my own vegetable patch.
It's going really well and I've just noticed my first leek!
I'm surprised people in the Swedish capital are so reluctant to go on lockdown
You'd think they were used to being stuck home
Due to the lockdown, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff in my town.
With everyone in lockdown, cases of Stuckhome syndrome are significantly increasing.
With so many places in lockdown, there have been more people than ever learning origami.
You might say interest has been in creasing
I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.
Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.
I don't really fancy doing yoga outside during lockdown
Stores are reopening after lockdown, and the Lego store has announced its reopening.
However, I recommend avoiding it, people will be lined up for blocks.
Of course I'm not. I'm going to stay at home. That has nothing to do with the lockdown though!
Since I can't travel because of the lockdown
I have been Washington's of DCs.
So with this lockdown in place
Does this make us all homies?
A great movie to watch when you are under lockdown is “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”
What prize did the bodybuilder win when the lockdown was lifted
I decided to spend the lockdown months taking online lessons on escapology.
Desperate patients resorting to DIY dentistry during lockdown
If you are feeling lonely during the lockdown, try buying a few shares from the financial market.
Then you’ll have a little bit of company.
What do you call a Spanish man who ran out of Toilet Paper during Lockdown?
I've been on lockdown for so long
My baby corn is now a corn teen
My neighbours kid has been learning Spanish during lockdown.
He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.
My 4-year old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown...
...he still can't say "please", though, which I think is "poor for four".
Edit: "Por favor" is Spanish for please. :)
What jokes are allowed during lockdown?
What do you call a Spanish man who ran out Toilet Paper during Lockdown?
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