A-TEN-SON!
An ember alert.
But it was a fossil arm.
I knew it would end in tiers
R, I, and the seven c’s
Don't leave milk out of the fridge for too long in warm weather.
My friends making a movie about car accessories.
I forgot to put the milk back in the fridge for days.
"No matter how far you throw an envelope, it will still be stationary"
i was at a wedding and one persons suit was marvel characters and my dad says "well that's just marvelous"
I couldn't help but think that the final confrontation between Thanos and Tony Stark would be the ultimate dad joke in the universe. Might not sound like much, but this is how that scene played out in my head.
Thanos (about to snap, after the scuffle with Tony) : I am... inevitable.
Tony : Hi inevitable, I'm Iron Man.
Hannibal at the gates
Did you hear the one about the number theorist who was arrested? They say he was guilty on all counts.
I’m walking into publix and a guy offers me the empty cart he was using and says “left some gas in it for you” - credit : a guy on Twitter
Did you hear about the guy who was deaf? Well, neither did he.
There's a new virus on twitter. It's called "chirpies"..It's a canarial disease, but thankfully it's tweetable.
Fall
ICBM
Right at the end of the first chase scene where Paul Walker is running on top of the bus and Michelle Rodriguez spins her car around for him to grab the rear, I turned and said (quietly):
"They showed that in the trailers, talk about your.....spoilers."
Their crust is Faulty
http://www.tuaw.com/2014/03/14/a-nice-sterile-eye-pad/?ncid=rss_truncated
Leaving your milk in the refrigerator for too long.
