What do you call an alarm clock that always goes off at 3am in the morning?

A [beep]ing nightmare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atlantic14
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.

She’s in for a rude awakening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.

That was quite a rude awakening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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My son is mad at his alarm clock,

He’s been calling it β€œFake snooze” 😴

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamWize-Ganji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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For Christmas, I’m getting my kids an alarm clock that swears at them instead of ringing.

They are in for a rude awakening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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I’m going to invent β€œalarm clock pants”.

To help everyone who’s legs keep falling asleep!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MorningBreath71
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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What’s the difference between my stupid neighbour and an alarm clock?

Alarm clock screams before I punch it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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What do you call it when the fire alarm goes off during sex

A premature evacuation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingpotato28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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What if you hit your alarm clock one morning and it hits you back?

That would be alarming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatrandomfly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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I recently changed my alarm clock music to a Justin Bieber song.

Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I don’t have to listen to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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I bought a smoke alarm.

It tells me when it's time for a cigarette.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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What do you call an alarm set for 5:56?

Bullet Time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShepardN7201
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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I was hungry, so I ate my alarm clock

It was pretty time consuming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...

...is a nap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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My wife always complains about the gifts I buy for her. This time I got her a Tourette’s alarm clock.

She is in for a rude awakening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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How did people wake up before alarm clocks?

They had alarm cocks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandCastello
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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Alarms

Another word for Octopus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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I turned off the fire alarm today

Now fire doesn’t know when to wake up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randdom_user
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Have you ever eaten an alarm clock?

It’s very time consuming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZuluGolfSierra
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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I've got a Blur alarm clock. So I'm always waking up to Park Life.....

Except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awoken by the dustmen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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When seeing a sign for an alarm

The door is alarmed... The lights are startled too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnrich95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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The alarm is sounded at the batcave. Batman runs to the batmobile but it won't turn on. He tells robin to grab a new battery.

Robin says: What's a tery?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PB_Monk3y
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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Most people set their morning alarms on the hour (ie. 6am, 7am, 8am), but mine goes off half-clocked
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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For her birthday, I got my wife a Tourette’s Alarm Clock.

She is in for a rude awakening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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I raised the alarm at work today....

The midgets were furious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kann0n
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
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I've set my alarm for three.

I wish the others would get their own alarm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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I went to a party in an alarm clock dress,but i left it early

The people were winding me up

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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The experts said my smoke alarms were too old...

..but they still work just fine. I think they are just being alarmists.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Kars
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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Setting an Alarm

On holiday, we had been staying at a hotel. Me and my brother were in one room and my parents in another. My Dad usually knocks on the door to make sure we don't over sleep.

Me: I told you I set an alarm for 8, why did you knock at like 7:30?

Dad: Why were you setting an alarm for 8? There are only two of you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oneatron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2014
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Set your alarm for school.

My girlfriend told her 8 year old son that its bedtime and to set his alarm for school. His very serious response "I can't do that, my alarm doesn't have letters."

I've been in tears for 10 minutes now!! He may make a good dad in the future!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schmeerdawg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2017
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Get my wife whenever I set my alarm clock

She asks "What are you setting it for?"
I give her a funny look and tell her "To wake me up in the morning of course."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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I was dusting off my son's alarm radio and he said to me when he saw it...

You really cleaned my clock, Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bingomzan
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
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I bought a new uranium-based alarm clock last week but it's really quiet...

I thought this stuff was supposed to be radio-active!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillSmithsBoobs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
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For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.

She’s in for a ride awakening.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
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For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.

That was a rude awakening.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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