The most important thing to me is my alarm clock
Itβs what gets me out of bed in the morning
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︎ Jan 21 2021
My most enlightening appliance is my alarm clock.
Whenever it rings, I get woke!
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Your cell phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar and alarm clock....
Don't let it replace your family.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of ringing.
He is in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was REALLY good at it...
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Had a chance to get frisky with the wife this morning, but my alarm went off.
I guess I got clock-blocked.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
What do you call an alarm that doesnβt go off ?
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Have you ever tried eating an alarm clock?
I wouldn't recommend it, it's very time consuming.
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︎ Aug 31 2020
I use my cell phone as an alarm clock.
I call it Veriz'n shine..
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︎ Oct 02 2020
They say you should test your fire alarm at least once a month...
But itβs costing me a fortune in houses...
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︎ Jul 10 2020
What do you call an alarm clock that always goes off at 3am in the morning?
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︎ May 26 2020
My son is mad at his alarm clock,
Heβs been calling it βFake snoozeβ π΄
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︎ Jan 05 2020
What do you call it when the fire alarm goes off during sex
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︎ Sep 22 2019
Iβm going to invent βalarm clock pantsβ.
To help everyone whoβs legs keep falling asleep!
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︎ Dec 20 2019
Whatβs the difference between my stupid neighbour and an alarm clock?
Alarm clock screams before I punch it
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︎ Jan 18 2020
I recently changed my alarm clock music to a Justin Bieber song.
Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I donβt have to listen to it.
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︎ Nov 07 2018
What if you hit your alarm clock one morning and it hits you back?
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︎ Jun 01 2019
My wife always complains about the gifts I buy for her. This time I got her a Touretteβs alarm clock.
She is in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Apr 04 2019
How did people wake up before alarm clocks?
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︎ Apr 25 2019
I bought a smoke alarm.
It tells me when it's time for a cigarette.
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︎ Jul 08 2019
What do you call an alarm set for 5:56?
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︎ Jul 12 2019
Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...
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︎ Jun 29 2019
I was hungry, so I ate my alarm clock
It was pretty time consuming
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︎ Jul 06 2019
Alarms
Another word for Octopus.
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︎ Jun 17 2019
I raised the alarm at work today....
The midgets were furious.
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︎ Jul 27 2015
I've got a Blur alarm clock. So I'm always waking up to Park Life.....
Except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awoken by the dustmen.
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︎ Apr 03 2019
When seeing a sign for an alarm
The door is alarmed... The lights are startled too
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︎ Mar 08 2019
Most people set their morning alarms on the hour (ie. 6am, 7am, 8am), but mine goes off half-clocked
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︎ Aug 13 2018
The alarm is sounded at the batcave. Batman runs to the batmobile but it won't turn on. He tells robin to grab a new battery.
Robin says: What's a tery?
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︎ Dec 09 2018
I've set my alarm for three.
I wish the others would get their own alarm.
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︎ Oct 02 2018
Setting an Alarm
On holiday, we had been staying at a hotel. Me and my brother were in one room and my parents in another.
My Dad usually knocks on the door to make sure we don't over sleep.
Me: I told you I set an alarm for 8, why did you knock at like 7:30?
Dad: Why were you setting an alarm for 8? There are only two of you.
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︎ Jan 15 2014
The experts said my smoke alarms were too old...
..but they still work just fine. I think they are just being alarmists.
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︎ Oct 19 2017
Set your alarm for school.
My girlfriend told her 8 year old son that its bedtime and to set his alarm for school.
His very serious response "I can't do that, my alarm doesn't have letters."
I've been in tears for 10 minutes now!!
He may make a good dad in the future!
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︎ Feb 28 2017
Get my wife whenever I set my alarm clock
She asks "What are you setting it for?"
I give her a funny look and tell her "To wake me up in the morning of course."
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︎ Aug 13 2016
I was dusting off my son's alarm radio and he said to me when he saw it...
You really cleaned my clock, Dad.
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︎ May 16 2017
I bought a new uranium-based alarm clock last week but it's really quiet...
I thought this stuff was supposed to be radio-active!
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︎ Mar 11 2016
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.
Heβs in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
For his upcoming birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that would swear at him instead of ringing.
Heβs in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.
Sheβs in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Apr 16 2020
For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.
Sheβs in for a ride awakening.
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︎ Apr 11 2020
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
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︎ Oct 29 2019
For Christmas, Iβm getting my kids an alarm clock that swears at them instead of ringing.
They are in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Nov 29 2019
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was a rude awakening.
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︎ Oct 31 2019
Have you ever eaten an alarm clock?
Itβs very time consuming.
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︎ Mar 11 2018
For her birthday, I got my wife a Touretteβs Alarm Clock.
She is in for a rude awakening.
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︎ Jul 15 2018
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