I heard a dwarf got pickpocketed. I was shocked and appalled.

How could anyone stoop so low.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reteperator
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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I don't know if this is a Dad joke or just plain appalling...

I was in the kitchen with John Lennon about to do the dishes and I turned to him and said:

"Right John, I've got my washing up basin, sponges, hot water, the dishes themselves of course...is that it am I ready to go? Do I need anything else?"

And John turned to me and said-

>!"All you need is glove!<

>!All you need is glove,!<

>!All you need is glove,glove!<

>!Glove is all you need"!<

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeHootieMctoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.

I was appalled.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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An Appalling Visual Pun youtube.com/watch?v=kzwQ5…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/g4rretc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/dsharm17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ‘€︎ u/dryeraser
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with...

πŸ‘︎ 908
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMaskedCrisis
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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My friend accused me of stealing his thesaurus.

Not only was I shocked, I was appalled, distraught, surprised, and taken aback.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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My dad's fishing jokes are appalling.

I was telling my dad about my JAWS essay that is due in a couple of days and this is the conversation that followed.

Me: I'm writing out my JAWS essay.

Dad: Ok sounds a bit fishy.

Me:That's a terrible joke.

Dad: Hook line and sinker

ME: Stahp. I can't handle the dad jokes anymore.

Dad: Holy mackerel he's growing up

Me: You seriously can't make anymore up.

Dad: I'm having a whale of a time.

Me: Really?

Dad: Yes

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dropboy6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/wsharp325
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
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When a person named Paul has a kid, it is always appalling

A Paul-ling. Awful joke I know.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/kazimir22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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Did you know China is the most matriarchal society?

Apparently everyone does only what Xi wants.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ariel_Nova
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Even during this, my dad still tries to pull off a joke

So, let's start off with a fact about myself: I'm vegetarian. I've been one my whole life. Now, let's get to the story.

Basically, I was driving down to camp at a Battleship with my dad (for a Boy Scouts trip), and this was during my first 6 months of learning to drive. This was the most intense trip for me (so far), and I was already nervous about driving on the interstate, so I was doing my best to practice proper driver etiquette.

Now, here's where the story gets interesting. I'm cruising down the interstate, going approximately 70 mph in the middle lane, when all of a sudden, I see a deer emerge onto the road from the right. It's running to the left (aka, trying to cross this interstate). The car to the right of me slams on the brakes, so the deer kept running. I slammed on my breaks as hard as I could, BARELY missing the deer. The car to the left of me was unlucky. The deer smashes its head into the left car's headlight and it flips over to the right (over my car). Clearly, it's dead, and as it flipped over my car, a lot of its blood gets onto my windshield.

I'm horrified. I kept driving forward. Trying to make sure I didn't veer off or anything. I look to my dad, and my hands are slightly shaking while I'm continuing this trip. My dad looks over to me, smiles, and says, "Don't worry, my 'deer'. Keep driving."

I looked back at him with the most disgusted face, and he just started giggling. Good god, this was NOT the time for a dad joke, but nevertheless, my dad didn't fail to deliver.

I thought I'd hate him forever after this and people would agree with me, but now this joke gets one of the largest laughs from people at parties. <_<

tl;dr My dad's sense of humor appalls me.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkymonkeyman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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My dad's name is Paul.

Whenever anyone says "I'm appalled!" around him, he says "No, I'm a Paul, you're a [insert name here]."

e.g. Kim: "I'm appalled!" Paul: "No, I'm a Paul. You're a Kim."

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeIsTheFuture
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
  • Allow => A-meow
  • Apology => A-paw-logy
  • Appalling => A-paw-ling
  • Attitude => Cat-titude
  • Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
  • Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
  • Because => Be-claws
  • Before => Be-fur
  • Bother => Bo-fur
  • Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
  • Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
  • Catch => Cat-ch
  • Clever => Claw-ver
  • Confusing => Con-fur-sing
  • Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
  • Different => Dif-fur-rent
  • Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
  • Familiar => Fur-miliar
  • Feeling => Feline
  • For => Fur
  • For real => Fur real
  • Forever => Fur-ever
  • Forget => Fur-get
  • Fortunate => Fur-tunate
  • Forward => Fur-ward
  • Friend => Fur-end
  • Furious => Fur-ious
  • Further => Fur-ther
  • Get or Got => Cat
  • Help me out => Help meow-t
  • History => Hiss-tory
  • Hysterical => Hiss-terical
  • Inferior => In-fur-ior
  • Kidding me => Kitten me
  • Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
  • Literally => Litter-ally
  • Literature => Litter-a-ture
  • Lost => Claw-st
  • Lying => Lion
  • Magnificent => Meow-nificent
  • Marvellous => Meow-velous
  • Minimum => Mew-nimum
  • Misery => Mew-sery
  • Moment => Mew-ment
  • Mountain => Meow-ntain
  • Move => Mew-v
  • Music => Mew-sic
  • Musician => Meow-sician
  • Never => Nev-fur
  • New => Mew
  • Now => Meow
  • Over => Ov-fur
  • Paper => Pay-purr
  • Pardon me => Paw-don me
  • Pause => Paws
  • Perfect => Purr-fect
  • Perhaps => Purr-haps
  • Permission => Purr-mission
  • Person => Purr-son
  • Personal => Purr-sonal
  • Persuasion => Purr-suasion
  • Places => Purr-laces
  • Please => Paw-lease
  • Portable => Paw-table
  • Positive => Paw-sitive
  • Possibility => Paw-sibility
  • Possibly => Paw-sibly
  • Precious => Purr-ecious
  • Prefer => Paw-fer
  • Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
  • Pretty => Purr-ty
  • Priceless => Purr-iceless
  • Prince => Purr-ince
  • Princess => Purr-incess
  • Puns => Purr-ns
  • Purpose => Purr-pose
  • Referring => Re-fur-ing
  • Respond => Res-paw-nd
  • Simple => Sim-paw-le
  • Suffer => Suf-fur
  • Superior => Su-purr-ior
  • Tale => Tail
  • Talent => Tail-ent
  • Tell => Tail
  • That’s all => Cat’s all
  • Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
  • Very => Furry
  • Whenever => Whene-fur
  • Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
  • You => Mew
  • Apologize => A-paw-logize
  • First => Furr-st
  • How are you? => Meow are mew?
  • Morning => Meowrning
  • Phon
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/eyl327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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What did the offended pollen say to the deplorable pollen?

You're a"pollen" (get it appalling)!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/peternemr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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This past summer I went rafting with a girl I'm interested in, and her family.

Some of her/our friends came along too. One friend had an exchange student from Mexico with them.

The girl I'm interested in's dad, and the exchange student meet and introduce themselves, then it goes...

Her dad: "So what part of Mexico are you from?"

Student: "My family and I live in Monterrey."

Dad: "Oh wonderful! And what kind of drugs does your family sell?"

-Awkward pause, his daughter appalled, face in palms, completely embarrassed-

Dad: "Hahahah, I'm just kidding, welcome aboard!"

This is pretty much how the whole day went on the river, joke after joke, story after story, and his daughter was completely embarrassed. So great.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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My name is Noah

Me to my brother: "I'm appalled that you started eating without us"

Father: "No, you're a-Noahed"

I sighed loudly and multiple times.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/gravitationalBS
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2016
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Starting the new year off great

My friends were playing a game during new years celebrations and I was watching. One of my friends began adopting a strategy I've become infamous for.

Friend getting mad: Paul, do you see this? He's pretty much being you.

Me: I'm appalled.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/IrishKing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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Complete blindside by the mom...

I was sitting next to my mother on Saturday and we were discussing our schedule for the event we were attending. Since neither of us could remember what we had signed up for, I decided to check the sent mail folder on my phone. As it turns out, I hadn't checked that folder since September of last year. My mother, who is a tad OCD about things being up to date, looked at me completely appalled:

Mom: You haven't checked your smell since September? Me: Wait, what? Mom: You know, your sent?

Needless to say, I was very proud once I got over the shock.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/chipmm13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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