Your cell phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar and alarm clock....
Don't let it replace your family.
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of ringing.
He is in for a rude awakening.
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was REALLY good at it...
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
Had a chance to get frisky with the wife this morning, but my alarm went off.
I guess I got clock-blocked.
What do you call an alarm that doesn’t go off ?
Have you ever tried eating an alarm clock?
I wouldn't recommend it, it's very time consuming.
I use my cell phone as an alarm clock.
I call it Veriz'n shine..
They say you should test your fire alarm at least once a month...
But it’s costing me a fortune in houses...
What do you call an alarm clock that always goes off at 3am in the morning?
My son is mad at his alarm clock,
He’s been calling it “Fake snooze” 😴
What do you call it when the fire alarm goes off during sex
I’m going to invent “alarm clock pants”.
To help everyone who’s legs keep falling asleep!
What’s the difference between my stupid neighbour and an alarm clock?
Alarm clock screams before I punch it
I recently changed my alarm clock music to a Justin Bieber song.
Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I don’t have to listen to it.
What if you hit your alarm clock one morning and it hits you back?
My wife always complains about the gifts I buy for her. This time I got her a Tourette’s alarm clock.
She is in for a rude awakening.
How did people wake up before alarm clocks?
I bought a smoke alarm.
It tells me when it's time for a cigarette.
What do you call an alarm set for 5:56?
Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...
I was hungry, so I ate my alarm clock
It was pretty time consuming
Alarms
Another word for Octopus.
I raised the alarm at work today....
The midgets were furious.
I've got a Blur alarm clock. So I'm always waking up to Park Life.....
Except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awoken by the dustmen.
When seeing a sign for an alarm
The door is alarmed... The lights are startled too
Most people set their morning alarms on the hour (ie. 6am, 7am, 8am), but mine goes off half-clocked
The alarm is sounded at the batcave. Batman runs to the batmobile but it won't turn on. He tells robin to grab a new battery.
Robin says: What's a tery?
I've set my alarm for three.
I wish the others would get their own alarm.
Setting an Alarm
On holiday, we had been staying at a hotel. Me and my brother were in one room and my parents in another.
My Dad usually knocks on the door to make sure we don't over sleep.
Me: I told you I set an alarm for 8, why did you knock at like 7:30?
Dad: Why were you setting an alarm for 8? There are only two of you.
The experts said my smoke alarms were too old...
..but they still work just fine. I think they are just being alarmists.
Set your alarm for school.
My girlfriend told her 8 year old son that its bedtime and to set his alarm for school.
His very serious response "I can't do that, my alarm doesn't have letters."
I've been in tears for 10 minutes now!!
He may make a good dad in the future!
Get my wife whenever I set my alarm clock
She asks "What are you setting it for?"
I give her a funny look and tell her "To wake me up in the morning of course."
I was dusting off my son's alarm radio and he said to me when he saw it...
You really cleaned my clock, Dad.
I bought a new uranium-based alarm clock last week but it's really quiet...
I thought this stuff was supposed to be radio-active!
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
For his upcoming birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that would swear at him instead of ringing.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.
She’s in for a rude awakening.
For her birthday, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.
She’s in for a ride awakening.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For Christmas, I’m getting my kids an alarm clock that swears at them instead of ringing.
They are in for a rude awakening.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was a rude awakening.
Have you ever eaten an alarm clock?
It’s very time consuming.
For her birthday, I got my wife a Tourette’s Alarm Clock.
She is in for a rude awakening.
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