I bought a smoke alarm.

It tells me when it's time for a cigarette.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The experts said my smoke alarms were too old...

..but they still work just fine. I think they are just being alarmists.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/King_Kars
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend told me as I walked in β€œhey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slebsta
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not saying that he’s lazy,

But his smoke alarm has a snooze button.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I am such an amazing cook...

even the smoke alarm cheers me on!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook....

She just uses a smoke alarm as a timer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/B-man44
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked if she could have some peace & quiet while she cooked dinner

I said no problem & took the batteries out of the smoke alarms

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NYC_Dweller
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
At dinner time, every time

The smoke alarm is not a timer hon.

Thanks dad.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 222
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/titang
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2013
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 109
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Beespray9_8_9
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.

So i took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

πŸ‘οΈŽ 48
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Derextus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 201
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zozi0102
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 76
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

πŸ‘οΈŽ 226
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jgudnas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.