I bought a smoke alarm.

It tells me when it's time for a cigarette.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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The experts said my smoke alarms were too old...

..but they still work just fine. I think they are just being alarmists.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Kars
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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My boyfriend told me as I walked in β€œhey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slebsta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I’m not saying that he’s lazy,

But his smoke alarm has a snooze button.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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I am such an amazing cook...

even the smoke alarm cheers me on!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook....

She just uses a smoke alarm as a timer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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My wife asked if she could have some peace & quiet while she cooked dinner

I said no problem & took the batteries out of the smoke alarms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NYC_Dweller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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At dinner time, every time

The smoke alarm is not a timer hon.

Thanks dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/titang
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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My wife asked me for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beespray9_8_9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.

So i took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derextus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zozi0102
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgudnas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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