A man burst into a ski resort in Vale, Colorado.

He shouted into the room, "Everywhere I go, there's a black bird that sticks to me. He sticks to my fleece jacket, my wool hat, even my velvet gloves!"

The concierge shakes his head and says, "Oh, that's just the Vale crow."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears...

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/csgo_Kriptonas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."

"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Burst out laughing!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djadmn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
As if 2020 wasn't crazy enough in Texas today, a herd of cows suddenly burst into flames.

Scientists still don't know what the cattle-lyst was.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TigerDiesel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
When you’re sliding in to first and you feel your britches burst...

You should have bought a high quality denim jean with plenty of room for your legs. Those tight jeans are just not practical.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"

The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked β€œCan I have a book mark?” And I burst into tears. 15 years and he still doesn’t know my names Brian.

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked β€œcan I have a bookmark” and I burst into tears

It’s been 11 years and he still doesn’t know my name is Connor

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConnorM1911
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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My wife Lorraine left me because I always burst into song.

I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad burst into my room and said, β€œWanna hear a joke?”, and then proceeded to fart for a whole minute.

He said. β€œSorry. That was a long winded story.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My inflatable dock burst after my friends kept telling me to fill it with more air.

Too much pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. /r/Weekness/comments/erz6…
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpurvisturton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Be careful to not burst your bubble.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cardelol
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A man burst into a doctor's office and began asking all sorts of strange questions to the people waiting inside. When the doctor asked him to stop, he didn't. The doctor replied

You're really testing my patients.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrionHunter66
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to get those bags of heroin out of my rectum, or they would surely burst.

It was a poo or die situation.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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A boy was sitting at home playing video games when suddenly his dad bursts in through the front door and says, β€œSon, look, check out my new AirPods!”

The boy looks at his father’s ears but sees nothing. β€œDad, there’s nothing there.”

β€œYeah I know, they’re literal!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikin__
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me "do you have a book mark". I burst out crying

Shes 11 years old and still doesn't know that my name is bob...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboihaan
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked me β€œcan I have a book mark?” And I burst out crying, 11 years old and he still won’t call me dad
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalkingWharf8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later." short-funny.com/best-puns…
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street when a group of kids threw a block of cheese off me, they burst into laughter and I yelled

β€œThat’s not mature is it”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrowerNotAShower2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother's surgeon burst out into song in the ER

He said it was Open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the woman who periodically bursts into a pet shop asking if they have big white bears?

She's been diagnosed with buypolar disorder.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a jacket that bursts into flames?

A blazer

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I asked my fighter friend if I can imagine a reality where he attacks me with a magical burst of energy

He said sure-you-can

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2BitThief
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
so a dyslexic robber bursts in to a bank and shouts

" all right you mother stickers this is a fuck up!"

edit: my dad tells this joke when ever he can.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mego-pie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend had a burst of inspiration whilst out for lunch

-"Knock knock!" -"Who's there?" -"Warren Loveworth." -"Warren Loveworth who?" -"Warrenloveworth eachother!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZarkingFrood42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2015
🚨︎ report
A penguin pillow burst a seam earlier...

so I had to repair a penguinal hernia.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calingaladha
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked "can i have a book mark?" I burst into tears.

He is 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is Brian

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whymustudodat
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a bookmark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can i have a book mark?" And i burst into tears

11 years old and he still doesnt know my name is Brian

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 277
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 43k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebkbk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackTMJones
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

Rip

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TiltedDaniel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mora_kylkee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/virulentt_music
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "can I have a book mark?" And I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemeMakso
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digitalsadia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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