What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?

One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What do Michael Jackson and a helium molecule have in common?

They both go β€œhehe”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisvskris
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How many Helium molecules does it take to make a chemist giggle?

Three.

HeHeHe

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dvdcrlsn
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?

"Get out. This is micelle"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Nine sodium molecules walk into a bar. Who comes next?

Batman.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/74NG3N7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Every molecule in my body came to a complete stop earlier.

I'm feeling 0K though.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/koenn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
this one took every dad molecule in my body..

dad to his forlorn son: it’s alright son.. you know what god does when he drops an apple?

son wiping away his tears: what dad?

dad: he grows a pear.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hydraulicstress
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What Do you call a sad molecule?

DepressION

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shrokenddenkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Two molecules having dinner

One has heart burn and asks the other "can you pass me atoms?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MonNomEstAli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help.

Helium doesn't react.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Atoms/molecules with a net electric charge?

Ion know about that chief.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xhenryxx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A chef found that the second, third, fifth, seventh, 11th, etc. batches of broth he made would turn into simple organic molecules

Turns out it was prime ordinal soup!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orlen86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my wife, "We gotta invest in molecules"

You just can't beat that compound interest!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greatm31
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the cop molecule say to the suspect molecule?

I've got my i-on you.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawhalla_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
🚨︎ report
A helium molecule walks into a bar

The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gases in here!"

Helium doesn't react.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NUCLEAR_WALRUS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2013
🚨︎ report
What’s a microscopic dead end street?

Molecule-de-sac

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheesecakeMMXX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
A man asks a police officer if it’s a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes

Officer: β€œYes, that’s assault!”

Man: β€œI know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought you'd like this one.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Psykonick
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Chirality
πŸ‘︎ 979
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I need help writing a storyline where every line is a pun

Your prompt: Two chemists have discovered an "aggressive molecule"

If something good comes out of this, I will submit this and the story will be acted out as a play. No bamboozle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Budderlord27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Chemistry puns are the best i.reddituploads.com/f3dda…
πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinity224
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2016
🚨︎ report
Nerdiest pun ever.

All sugars are chiral molecules, meaning their rotation of plane-polarized light can be either left or right handed.

They're ambidextrose.

πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IvanExplanation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Good Morning dadjoke

My dad used to wake me up by standing beside my bed and repeatedly saying, "Up and atom (at 'em). Up and proton. Up and electron. Up and molecule." Now he still does it when I'm home from college, and as I get harder to rouse, more subatomic particles.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AirAdmiral
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad helped with accounting homework

I was doing some accounting homework when...

Me: What is the acid test ratio?

Dad: States what the acid test ratio is.

Me: Thanks, I should have known that.

Dad: it's okay it's not basic knowledge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RescueDolphin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Professor dad jokes entire conference

We're at a research conference this week, and my professor was the session chair. He started out with "we all know that H2O is water, but - and I want you to really think about this - what is H2O4?" He then shows a diagram of the molecule for us all to ponder. After a minute he says, "so, what is H2O4? For drinking, bathing, washing up..." Cue a room full of groans and chuckles.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phizzwizard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjokes in Chem class

So, we learned about redox reactions in Chemistry yesterday, and the professor had said how the molecules in a redox reaction were called the reductant and the oxidant.

Well, at the end of class, I asked the prrofessor, "So, is it good if my mom tells me I was her favorite oxidant?" Thankfully, the professor laughed, and I got a groan out of someone that was on their way out the door but overheard me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danmo_96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Not a Dad, but drunk

what do you call a dumb oxygen molecule? an oxymoron.

friend said it was 'like a dad joke'. discuss.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudeinthemoon42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2013
🚨︎ report
What molecule is like Michael Jackson?

Diatomic helium

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan_Roberts123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
molucles

Q: what did the other molecule say to the suspect molecule

A: I got my Ion on you

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad pulled one when a friend came over

Whenever I have a friend over i like to say "I found a [friends name here]" to my dad

So when my buddy, Adam, came over I told my dad "I found an Adam" to which he responded with "Just one? Not even a molecule?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bruce_Bruce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.