False alarm Puns

Romaine calm. The government did not Caesar vegetables. They will lettuce know what's going on soon. That's salad o' panic over what may be just a coincidence. If it's a false alarm somebody's going to get a dressing down. E. Coli like I see it.*

*So many puns in such bad taste. Too Soon™?

My dad and I were sitting at the table just now when a bunch of emergency vehicles raced past my backyard with their sirens blaring. There were at least a dozen fire engines and ambulances. A few minutes later, they all drove back the other way with their sirens turned off.

While we were trying to figure out what was going on, my dad said, "Must have been a false alarm."

I responded, " Maybe it was some kind of drill."

My dad got that look on his face, and he said, "Fire fighters don't use drills, they use axes."