πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ffualo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2008
🚨︎ report
The police suspected that my daughter accidentally burnt our house down

But it was arson

πŸ‘︎ 929
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.

It was littering.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
Why did the peanut go to the police?

Because he was a salted

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the urinals.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbellybegone
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c

After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

πŸ‘︎ 810
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avinash333bhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
Just seen the police arrest a dog that was giving birth at the side of the road.

Apparently it was littering.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JenovasChild666
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that!

(Mj)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
today there was an artist found dead by the police

the details are a little sketchy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
NEWS FLASH! The toilet has been stolen from the local police station.

Police say they've got nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
Wanted: A man who has been stealing wheels from police cars

Police are working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bosco_syrup
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
A police officer told a coffee maker "you're under arrest"!

The coffee maker asked "on what grounds"?

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
I just said "No comment" all the way through a police interview.

I didn't get the job.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmnisVirLupis23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
What are police cars made of?

Copper

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atfantry
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
We had barely started an evening at the anecdote club when police kicked the door in.

It was a two story building.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
A police officer just came to the door and said he was looking for a man with one eye.

I told him he would probably find him faster he used both.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the criminal who only steals wheels from police cars?

The cops are working tirelessly to catch him

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
The police found the missing property.

It's another closed case.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepOrderDis
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Do regular dogs see a police dog

And think Oh no, a cop!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee call the police?

Because it got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Someone is stealing tires off of police cars in my area

The police are working tirelessly to arrest him.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
The police pulled over a semi going 120 mph on the interstate. Upon opening the trailer, they found thousands of ancient cutting tools similar to an axes but with the cutting edges perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.

She was hauling adze!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
I was interrogated by the police last week

They asked me "are you more of a skirt or a handbag?"

I thought about it for a second and confidently chose handbag.

"So you admit it! You're an accessory!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcemzy
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Russell Crowe walks into a police station when he hears that a cannibal has devoured his wife.

I'm Gladiator he says!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berkleysquare
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘︎ 405
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
The police found a stolen car that had a nearly complete set of golf clubs inside...

They're still looking for the driver!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Why do police hate impatient pirates?

Because they refuse arrrrrest

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
2 cows are in an police interview room accused of stealing dairy equipment

One cow says, it was the udder one

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonnieblack100
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
When I was a police officer I used to take suspects camping.

I was fired for my intense interrogations.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spallboy
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
The police caught the teflon thief red-handed

And yet, the prosecution couldn't make the charges stick

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?

It was chipped.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeoshua82
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Why do police talk to bankers a lot?

Because they are "persons of interest."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My wife has begged me to stop making police related puns...

I said, "O.K.....I'll give it arrest.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the criminal who had a heart attack while running from the police?

He went into cardiac arrest.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luigiblade777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
The police arrested to kids yesterday, one was eating fireworks, and the other was drinking battery acid

They charged one, and let the other off

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryDumbDonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Why do police get to riots early?

To beat the crowd

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1Pootato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call city police.

The only thing they have to go on is the mug shot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...

it would be a fully automatic machine pun.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
My neighbor, Mr. Coffee, came stumbling into the police station this morning.

Apparently, he had been mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Why did the police officer put the cranky baby in jail?

For resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viocult
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.

The police think it's race-related.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
How did the police identify the body of a dead monk?

They checked his transcen-dental records.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funk_Dunker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the urinals.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbellybegone
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Someone stole the toilet from the police station

They have nothing to go on

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the side of the road ...

They charged her with littering!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.

But it was arson

πŸ‘︎ 367
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report

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