What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Why does the military insist on wearing a uniform?
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︎ Jul 24 2020
How does a military fanatic season their food?
With a salt rifle and pepper spray.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
My son (3M) keeps asking if he can join the military.
When I tell him he's too young, he says he wants to join the infantry.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
What color are military submarines?
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︎ Jun 19 2020
What do military cows wear?
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︎ Jun 27 2020
What part of the military are trees in?
I don't know, they have too many branches.
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︎ Jul 09 2020
What is a Military Police Officers favorite dish?
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︎ Jul 20 2020
General Kitchy-Kitchy just led a military coup!
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︎ Jun 28 2020
What do you call a military shipment full of t rexes?
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︎ Jun 04 2020
Why do military bases have such little amounts of insects?
Because they are strict no-fly zones.
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︎ May 10 2020
Did you know that the military has an officer designated for taking care of restrooms?
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︎ May 28 2020
A video game addict was playing a military game
He quickly achieved the rank of βtreem β, rather high up in the rankings. However, it was not long lasting, as after a series of events he was demoted. His parents grew very annoyed of hearing him talking about having been a treem, his unfair demotion, and how much he hated his new position. Now, the gamerβs family often made little newspapers to share personal achievements and events with their family.
This weeks top headline read, βex-treem dissed appointmentβ.
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︎ May 23 2020
What will newborn babies become if the Goverment use them in a secret military project?
They wil be some fine ass Infantry
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︎ May 09 2020
Why did the military general refuse to use social media?
It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.
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︎ Mar 23 2020
Im at an Iranian military post
Edit: This post just blew up
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︎ Jan 16 2020
Why does Norway put barcodes on their military ships?
So when they return, they can Scandinavian
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︎ Jan 19 2020
Denmark, Norway, and Sweden just implemented bar codes on all their military ships.
That way, whenever one of them comes into port, they can Scandinavian.
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︎ Jan 03 2020
What do you call a mammal in the military?
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︎ Dec 20 2019
The military just came to my house. Guess what I did
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︎ Jan 05 2020
What kind of animal joins the military?
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︎ Dec 12 2019
What do you call corn in the military?
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︎ Aug 31 2019
Why do the Norwegians put barcodes on their military vessels?
So when they get back they can Scandinavian
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︎ Dec 16 2019
What do you say to a Hispanic father around Christmas who wears polartec and served in the military?
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︎ Jan 03 2020
An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
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︎ May 02 2018
Whatβs protocol #1 for the Norwegian military?
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︎ Dec 19 2019
What do you call a military police unit that Specializes in the stoppage of marijuana sale?
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︎ Jul 16 2019
I used to be a financial advisor for the military..
One time a contractor approached me and asked if I wanted to buy some panzers that his company built.
I considered it for a while but remembered that the air force needed to get new fighter jets.
I turn back to the contractor and say, βsorry, but we just donβt have enough room in the budget. Thanks but no tanks.β
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︎ Aug 19 2019
Why is the military so strict about their uniforms?
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︎ Jul 26 2018
The Air Force is the most patriotic arm of the US military.
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︎ Aug 08 2019
What do you call a sandwich lover in the military?
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︎ Aug 11 2019
Mathematicians were in charge of the military.
After all, why would they put everyone in divisions?
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︎ May 08 2019
I have been trying to convince people on a military history subreddit that Iβm French.
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︎ Feb 01 2019
My friend asked if the military pays well...
I said don't worry, you'll make a killing
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︎ May 30 2019
What is the nickname of the military officers who are in charge of the military's marching band?
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︎ May 17 2019
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
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︎ Dec 29 2018
Companies that make prosthetics for soldiers are military-grade arms dealers
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︎ Mar 26 2019
It's weird how everyone in the military skips leg day
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︎ Feb 01 2019
Why does the military use belts that are only one color?
Because they're uniform belts!
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︎ Mar 25 2019
I fought with a socialist sniper in the military
He was an impressive Marxman.
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︎ Sep 09 2016
If a bellybutton joined the military, what would he apply for?
He would apply to be a Naval Officer
Edit: Words
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︎ Feb 12 2019
Did you hear about the popcorn that got kicked out of the military
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︎ Sep 03 2018
Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam has a father who was known for his skills as a Jedi and military leader.
They call him Darth Vedder.
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︎ Jan 31 2019
Happy Military Day!
March forth!
(And to my dad, happy anniversary of telling this joke every year of my childhood.)
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︎ Mar 04 2019
The military man survived mustard gas and pepper spray
He was a seasoned veteran
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︎ Jun 29 2017
In the movie Avatar, ever notice Jake was in the wrong branch of the military?
That's why he joined the Na'vi.
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︎ Feb 18 2019
what do you call a sapling in the military?
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︎ Feb 11 2016
Did you hear about the U.S military making missiles out of wheat?
I hear they're bread for combat.
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︎ Dec 29 2018
Did I ever tell you about my dentist? He told me he was Ex military.
He used to be the Drill Instructor... And specialised in extractions.
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︎ Sep 07 2018
Never wear feline prosthetic limbs that have been given a high military ranking...
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︎ Apr 11 2018
Do ISIS fighters on the front lines head back to a mess tent for their dinner like other military forces?
... Or when they're feeling peckish do they just hit up the Allahu Snackbar?
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︎ Apr 26 2018
Why is the Norwegian military putting barcodes on their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian!
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︎ May 01 2018
Do you know why the Norwegian military is putting bar codes on their ships?
I heard itβs so when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
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︎ May 08 2018
What do people in the military call their jokes?
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︎ Jul 05 2018
TIL you can't eat ice cream in the military
Apparently you get arrested for desserting.
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︎ Aug 03 2017
King Henry V's greatest military achievement was capturing Harfleur with a single marshmallow
One s'more unto the breach, dear friends, one s'more
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︎ Aug 20 2018
While in combat, military pilots have a fight and flight reaction.
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︎ Feb 06 2018
To all the military moms out there...
thank you for your cervix!
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︎ May 25 2015
Did you hear about the Latino boy whose father works happily on a military vessel?
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︎ Dec 24 2015
What do you call an intelligent military machine?
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︎ Feb 08 2017
I was telling my dad about some of my military training.
"So next week we get to practice detaching our harnesses from our parachutes while being pulled along the ground. It should be a lot of fun!"
"Sounds like a real drag to me"
...Dammit Pops.
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︎ Feb 01 2015
What do you call a group of military babies?
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︎ Jul 18 2017
You know, why don't they enlist babies in the military?
I mean, there's a reason they called it the INFANTry.
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︎ Mar 02 2017
Many seem to think military commanders are real tough guys
They are actually pretty general folk
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︎ Jan 22 2018
Did you hear about the military's new laser weapon?
It uses ultraviolent light
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︎ Oct 05 2017
Why did The Weather Girls join the military academy?
They're training men! Hallelujah! They're training men! Amen!
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︎ Dec 12 2017
What do you call a military vehicle that doesn't quite believe you?
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︎ Sep 16 2017
Where do botanists go when they first join the military?
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︎ Jan 22 2015
In other news, today a military arborist was tried and hanged...
...for committing treason.
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︎ Jun 11 2016
What's an unmanned military drone in Boston called?
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︎ Aug 21 2015
Did you hear about the famous German Colonel who left the military?
He was a hot dog of a soldier until the kraut mustard out.
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︎ Jul 20 2016
Any military battle fought on December 25th...
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︎ Dec 14 2015
Which singer would be best suited for the roman military?
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︎ Sep 28 2015
We asked our mechanics to spray one our panels tan. [x-post /r/Military
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︎ Nov 16 2013
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
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︎ Dec 29 2018
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