Did you hear about the Italian chef who joined the army?

He wanted a pizza the action

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bodjac89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
Where does the king put his armies?

In his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AJotaMcSizzle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
My army instructor told me he didn’t see me at camouflage practice today.

β€œThank you, sir!” I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JammerJake2005
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Where did Napoleon hide his armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
What did the stout, starving sergeant eat in the army?

Alliter o' rations.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
The U.S. Army is full of crybabies

That’s why we also call them the Infantry.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
Where does the army put young soldiers?

The infantry.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Where does the king keep his armies?

.. in his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
Why was the writer comfortable in the army?

He was familiar with the magazines.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconReign
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the Army cook ever serve cake, ice cream or pies?

He was afraid of being charged with dessert-tion.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Did you know the Roman armies sold milk products wherever they went?

People still talk about it today. It was Legion Dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/developerweeks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
Why did the piece of poop try to join the Army?

He felt it was his patriotic doody!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/googonite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
The Roman army never fell. They instead moved to the nearest star system.

They became the Alpha Centurions.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
I've heard the german army only liked one type of pastry.

The luft-waffle

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YKantSpiel66
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.

These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
Why did US army attack turkey?

Because it was Thanksgiving.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cris070608
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the army general who retreated from an army wearing sandals?

He was scared of defeat

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Inevitablenarwhal
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
An army of dragons suddenly appear out of thin air...

They destroy and consume everything in thei path...

IT'S THE ARMADRAGON!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lowlz13
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Shakespeare had a cousin in the army?

The cousin wasn't a writer or anything, just a soldier with Parkinson's. They say he wielded quite the shaky spear.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Mjolner_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
What do pigs learn in the army?

Ham to ham combat

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rubberducky4000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL about a sneak attack in WWII, in which Norway’s Skiing Soldiers deprived the German army of the atomic bomb.

They did Nazi it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blackabe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
What do you call a medieval horse in the army

A knight-mare

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/araarq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
How many volunteers do we have for my army ?

"385, my liege."

"Okay, round them up."

"400, my liege."

πŸ‘︎ 272
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.

But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man in the resistance army?

Rhoman

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
I tried to get my Swiss army knife through customs but they would not let me through.

That's what I get for bringing a 4-in-1.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adomoto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.

You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dg_zano
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moneekautumn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
The army came today to draft me, you know what I did?

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wasgehtbro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Where did Napolean keep his armies?

In a perpetual state of war.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NnyBees
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Did you know that on this day during the American Civil War, armies on both sides skipped breakfast?

They had to March first.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OneSidedDice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
I know a really great joke about the Army Reserve and National Guard...

But it only works one weekend out of the month.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesmazingj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.

It’s a military coo.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to army boot camp and I got in trouble for skipping camouflage training

The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nonions
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
I had the pleasure of serving under one of the calmest commanders in the US Army

General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDewinYourMom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, β€œ1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.”

β€œIt was quite a hectic evening.”

πŸ‘︎ 548
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard the US army was coming

So I ran.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StormTiger2304
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Where does the president keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does the General keep his armies?

Inside his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ColoradoStark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the karate man that joined the army?

When he saluted, he nearly killed himself!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?

A kernel.

Sorry guys, a bit corny that one.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Queef_Snortah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...

I'm a military vet!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Part Two:

Where did Hitler keep his armies?

In Poland.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcrabb23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: An Army battalion led by Miss Muffet fails to reach Syria.

Apparently there were Kurds in her way.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the karate master who joined the army?

They killed themselves with their first salute.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rDacted
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call corn that joins the army?

Kernel.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I joined the army when I was 6

Now I’m in the infantry

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/me-no-smart
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was a baker in the army.

He went in all buns glazing.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the cows that provided milk for the Roman Army?

You totally should. It's legion-dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alficles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Hey Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?

Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.

πŸ‘︎ 307
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/squeth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m a gynaecologist, today a examined an army veteran, I gave her a veterans discount and said

β€œThank you for your cervix”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ISIofficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Roman general who accidentally decimated his army?

It was one in ten dead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sennome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A soldier in egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army

A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chaotic0rder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Went into a Salvation Army store and saw a radio. It was turned up full blast but the volume knob was missing. It only cost 1 dollar.

I said boy I can’t turn this down.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Momorah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why won’t Will join the army

They always say β€œfire at will”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rmill13
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The Mongolian army was unstoppable at its peak.

They were always one steppe ahead of their enemies.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I gave my organ to the Salvation Army.

Does that make me an Organ Donor?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me: Dad did you get shot in the army?

No son. I got shot in the leggy

πŸ‘︎ 203
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsamblala
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
When William joined the army,

He disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeJash
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chef that used to be in the army?

A seasoned Veteran

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Old Macdonald’s son decided to join the army instead of farming.

He is now E.I. G.I.Joe

πŸ‘︎ 422
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
English army officers
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theuniversaltool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?

The ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do generals keep their armies?

In their sleevies!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Swiss army wife
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trepach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Army: *Cease fire*

Firefighters: WHERE?!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hubmeme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Neptune call his armies?

Tsunarmies.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-LoliPolice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do Russians keep their Armies?

Up their Sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chris1984ad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm lucky to have survived Mustard gas and pepper spay when I was in the Army.

I guess you could say that I'm a seasoned vet...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was his army battalion's mime during WW2.

He doesn't like to talk about it.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandad was a Baker before he went into the army, he went in all buns glazing
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaun_Whiteside
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, did you get shot in the army?

No son, I actually got shot in the leggy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chanderjeet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does the general keep his armies

In his sleevies

No? Okay I’ll just go.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thy_jam_sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Where did Napoleon hide his armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sleepybeta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
Where does the general keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Where does the General keep his armies?

In his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prasaadii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Where does the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebigdull
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Where does the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grizwld
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Where does a king keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bossycloud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Where does a king keep his armies?

In his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jo100blackops
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaticusSparticus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/finestjuggler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do generals keep their armies?

In their sleevies

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tolgayfrae
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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