He wanted to appear in Corporeal form!
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.
What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.
My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit ➡What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?
A: Lenin suits
What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?
A: That'll leave a Marx!
What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?
A: Stop Stalin and get to work!
What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?
A: Mao! That hurts!
An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.
The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."
The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."
20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.
The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"
The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."
He was surprised at how large the kernels were. "These kernels are large. So large in fact, that they're major."
My grandad told me this one and it stayed with me forever.
"Did I ever tell you about the time that I was in the army?" he asked me one day, this should have told me something was off right away because no one ever even mentioned him being in any army. "I was having an affair with my superior officer, she was beautiful. But it was too weird, too strained by the fact that I was a private and she a Sergeant. So I pulled her aside one day and said, 'listen Tina, I have to break it off, it's getting too difficult to keep going. But she was mad about me and she started crying. I tried to console her, I said 'Don't cry for me Sergeant Tina!!'
A couple is walking in St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining, "Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The Man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
