What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?
In my defense, I have none
Why won't the bird defense attorney speak to more than one crow at a time?
Because anything more than one is murder.
I thought the defense would like my joke about the quarterback
I guess it was too offensive
Why did the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff cross the road?
They were just following the chicken!
My wife says I’m getting fat, but in my defense....
I’ve had a lot on my plate recently
The corona virus just learned self defense.
They were taught Kung Flu.
Why do teams with the strongest defense do better in bed?
Convict: I plead not guilty Judge: What is your defense
Convict: Well if u r what you eat, I'm an innocent man.
(Credit to my man Bryce)
Why do snails take self defense classes.
So they don't get assaulted.
The instructor in my self defense class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think it’s nuts
Why did they add 2 more layers of defense to Fort 43?
If someone writes a biography about American Defense Secretary Jim Mattis they should call it...
One time my cat chased down a drone and brought it to me. The drone's owner accused me of theft. In my defense, I said it wasn't stolen...
I’ve just completed a self defense course…
I wouldn’t recommend anyone attack me in slow motion now…
Did you hear what happened to that Department of Defense employee?
What was the photographer's defense in court?
What do you call a painter who practices self defense?
You tell a player that he is not good at defense.
Dad-jokes for self-defense (crossposted from /r/funny)
As mentioned on /r/funny, it's a shame we don't know the actual joke used here.
What did the lawyer say in the mesothelioma case say in defense of his client?
He was just doing asbestos he could!
Found Out Donald Trump's Favorite Form of Self Defense
What does a Jewish baker use for self defense?
What is the new Canadian Defense Minister's Plan of Attack?
What did Daddy Skunk say to his children at the start of their self defense class?
Did you hear about that new self defense bread?
I bet the Department of Defense gives the low-quality rations to submarines.
After all, they're sub-optimal.
My son has recently decided to become a defense attorney
I guess you could say he's my son in law...
If I were to easily kill a fellow with a drinking tube.
My self defense plea would be a straw man argument.
I asked my dad why he always says I need to work on my defense when I play basketball alone.
Cause the ball keeps going over de'fence'
In his defense, it IS more accurate
My dad is convinced that he coined the term "SQTM" online, meaning "smiling quietly to myself," in lieu of the often-hyperbolized "LOL." And tries to implement it frequently.