I don’t mean to toot my own horn

But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.

πŸ‘︎ 736
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns...

It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

EDIT: Thank you so much for my first award!

πŸ‘︎ 344
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PSN_Clamour_Kid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
My daughter put her eye patch on my girlfriend's head like a horn.

Who knew she was able to breed unicornias

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Not to toot my own horn but...

Honk!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Muffinman54lit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the disease that causes horns, spots, and hooves?

Scientists and doctors agree it's caused by a mootation

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyndacyndaquill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
What do you call a unicorn with a corn cob instead of a horn

A punicorn

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hooterscadoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: β€œThis isn’t deodorant.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My car horn wasn’t working, so I took it to a Boy Scout.

He fixed it and said, β€œBeep repaired”

πŸ‘︎ 272
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?

It's called a unicornea.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhalesWails
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, but it's not your turn Scooby!"

πŸ‘︎ 196
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a cow’s car horn sounds like?

Beef beef

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the point of a Narwhal's horn?

The tip of it

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Punniest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Japanese bull say just before killing someone with its horns?

Omaewa moo shindeiru

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shameless_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If ants had horns what will they be called?

antlers..

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dullbrowny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a unicorn with its horn cut off?

A eunuchorn

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grammatikaas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
If a unicorn is a horse with one horn...

a horse with zero horns is an acorn.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tripoblast
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call horns for insects?

Ant-lers

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate to toot my own horn, but.....

Traffic is horrible!!!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Seismologists predict a 9.2 magnitude earthquake will hit the Horn of Africa region.

It will really shake Djibouti.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Historyguy1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a unicorn with no horn?

A eunuch-corn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad’s horse grew a horn out of its forehead after it ate this strange mutant maize.

It was a real unique corn.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve been learning to play a Ram’s Horn.

Shofar so good.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jefferyt51
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
The scoutmaster and the mechanic (probably heard before) What did the mechanic say to the scoutmaster when he fixed the horn on his car?

Beep repaired!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scooterscuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the Boy Scout say after he fixed his dad's car horn?

"Beep repaired."

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Grabbed the Bull by the Horns. imgur.com/BVWkRJa
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dajachiz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
🚨︎ report
What did Scar say after he fixed his car horn?

BEEP REPAIRED

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pickelsurprise
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Unicorn without the horn?

A Eunuchorn

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MashedHair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a single French Horn playing Star Wars?

A French Han Solo

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dvp416
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
🚨︎ report
I'm taking lessons to be a substitute horn player at a local synagogue

Shofar, so good.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
🚨︎ report
We just heard a fire engine speeding down the road blaring sirens and honking the horn

"He's not gonna sell much ice cream going at that speed"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2015
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I have this nurse shark trophy with Chicago Bulls horns.

I call it the Bull-shark. My bro told me I should take the tags off the horns, I told him, "Nah, leave 'em on, I want people to know he's fresh." True Story.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
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Dad thinks it's still funny to photobomb with horns

http://imgur.com/JK1HQog

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Netcooler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
🚨︎ report
My wife plays the French horn.

Her: "I need to oil my valves"

Me: "So I guess you'll use Valvoline?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-rabid-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Me: Every time I drive by cows I always honk to see if they will turn and look. Dad: You want to know why they don't respond? Me: why? Dad: Because their horns don't work.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsteinhause
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report
The time my uncle convinced my brother he was growing horns.

I'm a shit storyteller, so I'll just keep it short.

My uncle caught my brother in a very obvious lie, and he decided to have a little bit of fun; He told my brother his horns would grow every time he'd lie (like pinocchio's nose). The best part? Later, my dad saw my brother looking in the mirror, checking for horns.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkOtter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
🚨︎ report
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"

"Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord1401
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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