A-TEN-SON!
An ember alert.
But it was a fossil arm.
I knew it would end in tiers
Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.
R, I, and the seven c’s
The Bucs Stop Here!
Edit: thank you for alerting me it's "bucs" not "bucks". My dad experience (4 months) is better than my football knowledge
Don't leave milk out of the fridge for too long in warm weather.
spoiler alert
My friends making a movie about car accessories.
I forgot to put the milk back in the fridge for days.
Then I noticed it only measures comrads.
"No matter how far you throw an envelope, it will still be stationary"
They sent out an ember alert
i was at a wedding and one persons suit was marvel characters and my dad says "well that's just marvelous"
I couldn't help but think that the final confrontation between Thanos and Tony Stark would be the ultimate dad joke in the universe. Might not sound like much, but this is how that scene played out in my head.
Thanos (about to snap, after the scuffle with Tony) : I am... inevitable.
Tony : Hi inevitable, I'm Iron Man.
Hannibal at the gates
Did you hear the one about the number theorist who was arrested? They say he was guilty on all counts.
I’m walking into publix and a guy offers me the empty cart he was using and says “left some gas in it for you” - credit : a guy on Twitter
Did you hear about the guy who was deaf? Well, neither did he.
Spoiler alert.
There's a new virus on twitter. It's called "chirpies"..It's a canarial disease, but thankfully it's tweetable.
Fall
Would he be the Wolf who cried Boy?
ICBM
Leaving your milk in the refrigerator for too long.
