My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
When the reporter asked the doctor “how is Kim Jong Un?”
Doctor replied: Kim Jong Ill
But I came away with uncertainty and disorientation.
Panda-monium
Basically set decoration, we had a small crew. A lot of the actors and the rest of the crew were confused who was in charge of those items. Luckily, Jason was a reliable, honest guy. In fact, he was one of the most honest, dependable people I knew on set.
So that evening before we had dinner together, I called Jason to the center, and thanked him for the quality of work that he'd put out so far, and I said "Props to Jason."
Because all his uncles were ants.
Yeti never complains... 🤔
I said "Because you're Russian me."
Uuh
"...mountains peak!"
He drinks straight from the bottle.
I'd never met herbivore
But as they say, 'tis the season
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
Toilet paper math (20=46)
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
She said: “My anaconda don’t want none unless it has buns, hun”
Me: "Hi confused, I'm Mom"
I've just used an old discount card I found in my wallet, but I only got 20% off....
I’d be like, where the fuck do all these nickels keep coming from?
Because there were so many mummies.
It’s just a mythunderstanding.
"They go VROOM VROOM VROOM"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa.
I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans
Edit: there->their
Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
It makes cents for someone else
B9
Her: what?
Me: ... What IS that?!
Her: what's what?
Me: there's someone on the side of your face...
Her: "what? Oh god, where" proceeds to try to wipe face
Me: right there! .. oh, it's just your ear!
Why-Fi
but now, I'm not so sure
Now I'm in hot water with the japanese mafia.
...Yetti never complains.
Yeti never complains.
It’s abominable...
Yeti never complains...
Yeti never complains.
