A facepsalm.
We were in ASDA today when an older lady in front dropped a coin. Without missing a beat, my dad said (loudly) "2p or not 2p?", causing a lady next to the coin-dropper to burst out laughing. He really is embarrassing to be out with!
My dad was driving, I (Connor) was in the back left seat, my sister (Nicole) was in the middle, and my sister's boyfriend (Sean) was in the back right seat (my mom was up front). My dad says to my sister, "The left eye says to the right eye, something between us smells!" After we chuckle, he says, "Sean said to Connor, something between us smells!" My sister appropriately blushed as we all moaned in disdain.
He got caught picking his nose!
Hadn’t cleaned the house all year
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
B-by Taunt-tauntaunting him.
Rigor mortified.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
He’s my apparent aberrant parent
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
He looked down and realized he had some teepee stuck to his foot.
...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.
He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.
"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."
I guess he’s just trying to shave face…
He was caught Gherkin off.
because he’s my newt.
Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle
Because of how pail it was.
He's an ass guardian
Nothing, they're both faux pas.
Now he knows I'm taking his paper.
She lost her G- string.
Three, to be exact.
Son: “Dad, put me down, you’re embarrassing me.”
One is a 1 ton animal and the other is a little lighter
Like, last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said, “Are you going to put it up yourself?” My dad replied, “Don’t be disgusting. I’m going to put it in the living room.”
Host dips her chip into a bowl of taco dip, breaks chip, new person arrives at the front door, host gives up and walks away with chip stuck in dip.
Person next to me: "Wow, she just left it in there."
Me: "Yeah, she abandoned chip..."
Wife just groans and walks away.
Apparently camera film is photosensitive
...it’s very hawkward.
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
... keep reading on reddit ➡She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
They know how to make a bad decision, and then stick to it.
I managed to cover my tracks.
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them...
I think I covered my tracks.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
