What do you call a hymn of embarrassment?

A facepsalm.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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He's an embarrassment

We were in ASDA today when an older lady in front dropped a coin. Without missing a beat, my dad said (loudly) "2p or not 2p?", causing a lady next to the coin-dropper to burst out laughing. He really is embarrassing to be out with!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2peeornot2pee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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My dad pulled this one when we were driving back from my sister's birthday dinner. A successful embarrassment.

My dad was driving, I (Connor) was in the back left seat, my sister (Nicole) was in the middle, and my sister's boyfriend (Sean) was in the back right seat (my mom was up front). My dad says to my sister, "The left eye says to the right eye, something between us smells!" After we chuckle, he says, "Sean said to Connor, something between us smells!" My sister appropriately blushed as we all moaned in disdain.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lawnboy18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
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Why was the snowman embarrassed when people saw him buying a bag of carrots?

He got caught picking his nose!

πŸ‘︎ 395
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frugatti_cuse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in

Hadn’t cleaned the house all year

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the1nonlyevilelmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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How do you embarrass a stuttering Tauntaun

B-by Taunt-tauntaunting him.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What do you call an embarrassed cadaver?

Rigor mortified.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Galvanion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

πŸ‘︎ 661
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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I look just like my dad, but I’m really embarrassed by how he acts.

He’s my apparent aberrant parent

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bentup85
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!” A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Why was the Native American embarrassed after using the bathroom?

He looked down and realized he had some teepee stuck to his foot.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/undercover723
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I worked with this guy Rob once...

...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.

He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.

"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JSNhova
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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For sale
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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My dad is always embarrassed about cutting himself while getting rid of his beard, so he locks himself in the bathroom...

I guess he’s just trying to shave face…

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Why was the Cucumber embarrassed?

He was caught Gherkin off.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnixyZ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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I got a new pet lizard, I named him Tiny....

because he’s my newt.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarafina_312
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed

Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?

Because of how pail it was.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrhood92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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I wonder if Thor is embarrassed telling people about his job

He's an ass guardian

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/___William___
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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What is the difference between an embarrassing social situation and a fake dad?

Nothing, they're both faux pas.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lolcatz101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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My neighbor saw me naked grabbing the newspaper early this a.m. Embarrassing.

Now he knows I'm taking his paper.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milkchaser
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Why was the guitarist embarrassed on stage?

She lost her G- string.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WebWheat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Dad drives to the local high school and picks up his son.

Son: β€œDad, put me down, you’re embarrassing me.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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It took a lot of balls for my friend to go on the Reality TV show called β€œEmbarrassing Bodies.”

Three, to be exact.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is a 1 ton animal and the other is a little lighter

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostintheattic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Why was the crab embarrassed?

Because the sea weed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronwils
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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I’ve always been embarrassed of my dad around the holidays.

Like, last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said, β€œAre you going to put it up yourself?” My dad replied, β€œDon’t be disgusting. I’m going to put it in the living room.”

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeoulgiKorea
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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I tried to buy some Polaroid camera film on Amazon but there weren't any images of the products. I asked the seller why that was and he said he didn't want to embarrass his film because it was camera shy.

Apparently camera film is photosensitive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Embarrassed the wife at a party with this one

Host dips her chip into a bowl of taco dip, breaks chip, new person arrives at the front door, host gives up and walks away with chip stuck in dip.

Person next to me: "Wow, she just left it in there."

Me: "Yeah, she abandoned chip..."

Wife just groans and walks away.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r0ck_l0bster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
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When birds embarrass themselves..

...it’s very hawkward.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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My dad always told me, β€œFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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My dad always said, β€œ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw the bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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The best advice my dad gave me was to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.

She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.

πŸ‘︎ 982
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo, and try to convince her to marry me.

They know how to make a bad decision, and then stick to it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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I was so embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 269
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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My dad always said, β€œFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her...

She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw my bedsheets over it.

I think I covered my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Re_van
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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