Did you hear about the pirate who had trouble with the alphabet?
He always got lost at sea!
Where does a person who’s having trouble breathing go to shop?
I have trouble reading music
Whenever I see a sharp, I wish it could just be flat
If you have trouble believing someone is telling the truth or not; ask them if they like big butts
Why did the farmer get in trouble with his wife?
He visited a seedy establishment.
(by my wife who hates me telling dad jokes but loves to tell any she invents)
I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing
I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!
I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...
"Heinz-sight is 20/20"
People give me a lot of trouble for being a necromancer
Can't a guy just raise a family in peace?
Just told my wife this one after she said she was fat, I'm in trouble
Wife : "I feel fat, do you still love me?"
Me : "I'll love you thru Thikk and thin"
What do you call a weasel that has trouble breathing?
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
I'm having trouble organising a hide-and-seek league.
Good players are hard to find.
Don't pee on the seat, or urine trouble.
So last week i got myself in a bit of trouble when i mixed up the words jacuzzi and yakuza
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
I'm having trouble getting rid of my old magazines.
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...
Why don't comedians have much trouble eating?
Because everything they do in-jest!
Why was the cow in trouble?
Cause he was being a bully.
A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...
Went to the doctors and complained that I had trouble urinating.
"So, take these pills to cure your waterworks problem, then give me a tinkle." the doctor said.
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble
What do you call an insect that's in trouble with the law?
I've created a toilet locator for those who have trouble finding one
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.
Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
I had real trouble getting a spoon out of the dishwasher.
How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
I may get in trouble by using weird symbols,
But it's my own asterisk.
You rarely hear of bees getting in trouble
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
Made a wooden car with a wooden engine only trouble was
Why don't convents have trouble retaining seamstresses?
Because that work is habit forming.
Why do Australian bees never get into trouble?
Because they always beehive
The teacher caught me stirring up trouble in chemistry class...
...so she sent me home with a colloidal suspension.
I’m having trouble making decisions today...
I’m not really sure how I feel about that.
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?
Because the were in de-Nile.
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...
Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!
Robin: Sure thing, Batman!
A few minutes later...
Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What's a tery?
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she’s in love with me.
Went to my doctor and said I was having trouble with my hearing.
He asked: “can you describe the symptoms?”
I said: “sure, they’re yellow. Marge has blue hair and Homer’s really fat”.
Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?
Unless he has his pajamazon
I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.
The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!
My Dalmatian has trouble sleeping
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
Why did the hand have trouble using its watch?
What film do you make when Batman is in trouble?