I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height
I guess they were critter-sizing me
What do you call an insect that's in trouble with the law?
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.
Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.
I had real trouble getting a spoon out of the dishwasher.
How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.
I may get in trouble by using weird symbols,
But it's my own asterisk.
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
You rarely hear of bees getting in trouble
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
Why don't convents have trouble retaining seamstresses?
Because that work is habit forming.
I’m having trouble making decisions today...
I’m not really sure how I feel about that.
The teacher caught me stirring up trouble in chemistry class...
...so she sent me home with a colloidal suspension.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?
Because the were in de-Nile.
Made a wooden car with a wooden engine only trouble was
Why do Australian bees never get into trouble?
Because they always beehive
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...
Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!
Robin: Sure thing, Batman!
A few minutes later...
Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What's a tery?
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship
Why did the hand have trouble using its watch?
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?
Unless he has his pajamazon
Every time I finish my jog, I like to eat a protein bar. Lately, though, I'm having trouble swallowing it
I hope it doesn't become a running gag
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
Went to my doctor and said I was having trouble with my hearing.
He asked: “can you describe the symptoms?”
I said: “sure, they’re yellow. Marge has blue hair and Homer’s really fat”.
If you ever have trouble doing math.
You can always count on a calculator.
I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.
The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!
I’m really having trouble with my eyesight
The worst of it is that I can’t see my optimitrist
My Dalmatian has trouble sleeping
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
What film do you make when Batman is in trouble?
I have no trouble holding my alcohol
unless the glass is slippery
I was having trouble getting our kid buckled into a new carseat...
When I was a child, I had trouble memorizing multiplication tables.
Why did the ram get in trouble for insulting the female sheep?
Cause he called her an ew!
What do you call a woman who loves to cook up trouble?
What do you call a performer who has trouble sleeping?
Why do people have trouble sleeping?
It's so easy. I can do it with my eyes closed.
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she’s in love with me.
If you're having trouble connecting your bluetooth device, just dress in green, sit on a perch and repeat everything that tech support tells you.
It's the only way to parrot.
A car battery was arrested by the cops for causing trouble at the bar
But they had to let him go, they couldn’t find anything to charge him with.
How did the Figure Skater know he was about to get in trouble?
Have you heard about the guy who got in trouble for making a pun at school?
Ladies: If you think your man has trouble "opening up,"
What happens when an artist has trouble finding inspiration ?
Midget psychic was in trouble with the law
He was small medium at large
My friend can smell when trouble is brewing...
He's the scenter of a tension.
Daughter is having trouble homeschooling at the moment. "Argh i can't spell today..."
I was going to post about how much trouble my Swedish car has been . . .
...but I guess nobody really wants to hear that old Saab story.