I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height

I guess they were critter-sizing me

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insect that's in trouble with the law?

A defend-ant

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble

An Instigator

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsKnotThatBad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.

Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I had real trouble getting a spoon out of the dishwasher.

How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I may get in trouble by using weird symbols,

But it's my own asterisk.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.

Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzus628
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
You rarely hear of bees getting in trouble

They beehive nicely

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?

Because parents become Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shrinivas2098
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't convents have trouble retaining seamstresses?

Because that work is habit forming.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m having trouble making decisions today...

I’m not really sure how I feel about that.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arizhalfandhalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The teacher caught me stirring up trouble in chemistry class...

...so she sent me home with a colloidal suspension.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uptwolait
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...

...It was a close call.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?

Because the were in de-Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Reader91-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Made a wooden car with a wooden engine only trouble was

It wooden go!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Australian bees never get into trouble?

Because they always beehive

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...

Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!

Robin: Sure thing, Batman!

A few minutes later...

Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!

Batman: Check the battery.

Robin: What's a tery?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cinnafury03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship

Weigh more than needed

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the hand have trouble using its watch?

It wasn’t digital.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/optimist-prime-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".

"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?

Unless he has his pajamazon

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I finish my jog, I like to eat a protein bar. Lately, though, I'm having trouble swallowing it

I hope it doesn't become a running gag

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b6a6a6l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to my doctor and said I was having trouble with my hearing.

He asked: β€œcan you describe the symptoms?” I said: β€œsure, they’re yellow. Marge has blue hair and Homer’s really fat”.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Advaldinho
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever have trouble doing math.

You can always count on a calculator.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.

The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teduh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m really having trouble with my eyesight

The worst of it is that I can’t see my optimitrist

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itwasme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dalmatian has trouble sleeping

He can't pick a spot.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sin_insta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...

"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineersAnon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What film do you make when Batman is in trouble?

The Dark Knight Crisis

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I have no trouble holding my alcohol

unless the glass is slippery

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was having trouble getting our kid buckled into a new carseat...

Then it clicked

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a child, I had trouble memorizing multiplication tables.

Times were difficult.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the ram get in trouble for insulting the female sheep?

Cause he called her an ew!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who loves to cook up trouble?

Miss-chef

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T1M3Tim
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a performer who has trouble sleeping?

An insomniactor.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
All my troubles.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do people have trouble sleeping?

It's so easy. I can do it with my eyes closed.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abdullahmnsr2
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she’s in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're having trouble connecting your bluetooth device, just dress in green, sit on a perch and repeat everything that tech support tells you.

It's the only way to parrot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A car battery was arrested by the cops for causing trouble at the bar

But they had to let him go, they couldn’t find anything to charge him with.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the Figure Skater know he was about to get in trouble?

He was on thin ice.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealStickBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the guy who got in trouble for making a pun at school?

He was Pun-ished

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taha812
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies: If you think your man has trouble "opening up,"

Just hand him a beer.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when an artist has trouble finding inspiration ?

The draw a blank !

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Midget psychic was in trouble with the law

He was small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/379447984
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend can smell when trouble is brewing...

He's the scenter of a tension.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Daughter is having trouble homeschooling at the moment. "Argh i can't spell today..."

T-o-d-a-y

Boom

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adz1179
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to post about how much trouble my Swedish car has been . . .

...but I guess nobody really wants to hear that old Saab story.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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