Did you hear about the pirate who had trouble with the alphabet?

He always got lost at sea!

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Where does a person who’s having trouble breathing go to shop?

Asthmazon

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haikyyyyyyyylllle
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I have trouble reading music

Whenever I see a sharp, I wish it could just be flat

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
If you have trouble believing someone is telling the truth or not; ask them if they like big butts

For they cannot lie

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer get in trouble with his wife?

He visited a seedy establishment.

(by my wife who hates me telling dad jokes but loves to tell any she invents)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachiz
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing

I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!

I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...

"Heinz-sight is 20/20"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaleoGamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
People give me a lot of trouble for being a necromancer

Can't a guy just raise a family in peace?

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sallyne1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Just told my wife this one after she said she was fat, I'm in trouble

Wife : "I feel fat, do you still love me?"

Me : "I'll love you thru Thikk and thin"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwaway899656
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a weasel that has trouble breathing?

A wheezel!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I'm having trouble organising a hide-and-seek league.

Good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Don't pee on the seat, or urine trouble.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrytiLaughs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
So last week i got myself in a bit of trouble when i mixed up the words jacuzzi and yakuza

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlaaneshiRose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
I'm having trouble getting rid of my old magazines.

I have issues.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...

That's Irsay.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
Why don't comedians have much trouble eating?

Because everything they do in-jest!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doobertscoobert2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Why was the cow in trouble?

Cause he was being a bully.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...

a-reptile-disfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murdock431
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Went to the doctors and complained that I had trouble urinating.

"So, take these pills to cure your waterworks problem, then give me a tinkle." the doctor said.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble

An Instigator

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsKnotThatBad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insect that's in trouble with the law?

A defend-ant

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I've created a toilet locator for those who have trouble finding one

I call it a "G Pee S"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.

Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b6a6a6l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I had real trouble getting a spoon out of the dishwasher.

How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.

Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzus628
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I may get in trouble by using weird symbols,

But it's my own asterisk.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
You rarely hear of bees getting in trouble

They beehive nicely

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?

Because parents become Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shrinivas2098
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...

...It was a close call.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Made a wooden car with a wooden engine only trouble was

It wooden go!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't convents have trouble retaining seamstresses?

Because that work is habit forming.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Australian bees never get into trouble?

Because they always beehive

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The teacher caught me stirring up trouble in chemistry class...

...so she sent me home with a colloidal suspension.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uptwolait
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m having trouble making decisions today...

I’m not really sure how I feel about that.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arizhalfandhalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?

Because the were in de-Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Reader91-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".

"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...

Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!

Robin: Sure thing, Batman!

A few minutes later...

Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!

Batman: Check the battery.

Robin: What's a tery?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cinnafury03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship

Weigh more than needed

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she’s in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to my doctor and said I was having trouble with my hearing.

He asked: β€œcan you describe the symptoms?” I said: β€œsure, they’re yellow. Marge has blue hair and Homer’s really fat”.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Advaldinho
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?

Unless he has his pajamazon

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.

The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teduh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dalmatian has trouble sleeping

He can't pick a spot.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sin_insta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...

"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineersAnon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the hand have trouble using its watch?

It wasn’t digital.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/optimist-prime-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What film do you make when Batman is in trouble?

The Dark Knight Crisis

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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